cause you had a bad day
these are becoming my favorite times. late at night, sitting here, listening to music, writing. pilled out of my gourd. thats the best way.
im mad, but scared. wow, he's really selfish. i never knew. this whole time i believed him, that it was me. he didnt get me a xmas present. nothing on valentines. nothing for our one year. no cards. no emails. nothing. just akward phone calls, with even more akward encounters. and its not just me, he's this selfish with everyone. when he wants to, he'll deal you his precious time. if not... you get half-assed. ive gotten half-assed for almost a year now. can it get better? i dont know if it can. thats just how he is. he's right, him and i really are different. he expects me to concede, and he is allowed to stay. double standards. im held somewhere else. i wish i could map it out for him. explain to him how inconsitant he is. all that i asked, was that he let me know how much i mean to him. he never did. he could go without me, easily. i dont need that. im mad at you. get mad at me for being mad at you. its a circle, doesnt end.
maybe its in my head. why do i let it feel so good, when he calls me names and is being sweet. he should be like that all of the time. it shouldnt be so special.
tomorrow. do i wait for him to call, message. are we going to talk? do i want to talk? i dont know that i do. i dont know what to say. i thought i said it. it wasnt any good. it never is. i need to sleep, before this wears off.
im mad, but scared. wow, he's really selfish. i never knew. this whole time i believed him, that it was me. he didnt get me a xmas present. nothing on valentines. nothing for our one year. no cards. no emails. nothing. just akward phone calls, with even more akward encounters. and its not just me, he's this selfish with everyone. when he wants to, he'll deal you his precious time. if not... you get half-assed. ive gotten half-assed for almost a year now. can it get better? i dont know if it can. thats just how he is. he's right, him and i really are different. he expects me to concede, and he is allowed to stay. double standards. im held somewhere else. i wish i could map it out for him. explain to him how inconsitant he is. all that i asked, was that he let me know how much i mean to him. he never did. he could go without me, easily. i dont need that. im mad at you. get mad at me for being mad at you. its a circle, doesnt end.
maybe its in my head. why do i let it feel so good, when he calls me names and is being sweet. he should be like that all of the time. it shouldnt be so special.
tomorrow. do i wait for him to call, message. are we going to talk? do i want to talk? i dont know that i do. i dont know what to say. i thought i said it. it wasnt any good. it never is. i need to sleep, before this wears off.