LOG; COMPLETE
When; February 24th [Early Morning]
Rating; PG-13 [suggestive content, violence, dramallama]
Characters; Edward Elric [chrysopoeia] & Alfons Heiderich [opfern]
Summary; Alfons at his worst was definitely the Opposite Morals curse, and unfortunately Ed isn't quick enough to catch it in time. Brainraping, attempted homicide, and soap opera d0rama' ensues.
Log;
Ed; Boys would be boys, and Edward and Alfons did have a history of clashing with each other, verbally, literally and metaphorically. Usually, such fights were heated and descended into harsh low-blows delivered and received by both of them. They always forgave each other in the end, however, even if it was never actually done with words. Apologies were not one of Edward's strong points and if backed into a corner and forced to utter one properly it would be down without eye contact, head tilted down and to the side, more of a mutter than anything else and with a definite scowl either at himself for doing something silly enough to warrant giving the apology in the first place or at the idea of actually being forced to give one.
Regardless, the verbal blows had been thrown and wordless forgiveness had been given and as such Edward saw no reason not to visit Alfons as planned. He casually ran the key to Alfons an Franca's apartment between his gloved fingers, amused to a degree that the other scientist was taking Ed's use of alchemy in the City seriously. Of course, if he used it to force the door open he'd repair it later, but apparently Alfons didn't want to risk it. A key worked fine and it just gave Ed and extended smug feeling that he'd won in that particular area.
The key slid in, clicked once and he winced. It was early after all and he didn't want to wake Alfons' roommate with his entrance as he gently pushed the weight of his shoulder against the door, pushed and slipped inside to glance around, seeing if Alfons himself was awake even. If not, Edward would no doubt find a chair to flop into and a book to pore over.
Alfons; If Edward had wanted a book, there was no shortage on selection. It was only due to Franca constantly keeping Alfons in check that the place didn't actually look as cluttered as it really was, so most of the books stayed on their shelves or on the coffee table. He had never been a messy person by nature, and in fact was quick to scold Edward when he left books and notes lying around, but when Alfons got hooked on an idea he really didn't pay much attention to anything else for a long while. Sadly, that often included sleeping.
He'd been wide awake, of course, so he stood from his chair as soon as he heard the door open. No matter how quiet you tried to be, there was still that irritating creak. Alfons didn't even have to try to keep the smile on his face, as he headed out his bedroom door, shooing Ciro away with his foot when the white cat tried to step in his path. If he stepped on the damn thing because it liked to get in his way, it wasn't his fault.
Spotting Ed in the living room, Alfons was quick to motion for him to follow back into his room. After all, they didn't want to wake Franca, right? ...Right. Honestly, Alfons didn't even know if she was in that bedroom of hers, nor did he care. But it was as good an excuse as any to get cooperation without suspicion.
Ed; Edward blinked at the gesture, then smiled a little and shrugged to himself. Sign-language lessons were already commencing, huh? Well, he wasn't going to complain, it had been the main reason for stopping by, anyway. As he walked, quietly as one could manage while wearing shoes, he lightly shrugged his coat off his shoulders and draped it over his arm for a moment before lightly dumping it over the back of a chair in the living room as he passed it by. It was a neat enough place to put it for now, right?
Luckily, Alfons didn't seem to harbour any lingering feelings of tension regarding their little disagreement early, for now, and that was a relief to Edward. As willing as he was to snarl and hiss his opinions, Ed wasn't a fan of lingering tension or tip-toeing over eggshells in the aftermath. And so with the only hesitation being to put down his coat, the alchemist followed his friend to the bedroom, fingertips ghosting over the door idly as he moved and he offered an expectant kind of smirk. The kind of smirk that looked like a general question but there was never really a specific topic to it.
Alfons; Oh Edward and that cocky attitude of his. Alfons knew how he was supposed to respond, because he had done it a thousand times in response. So even though Alfons just wanted to just shove him right onto the floor then, he offered the appropriate response, which was to lightly roll his eyes as he shut the door.
He didn't do it out of kindness, but because he knew that he had to exercise some amount of self-restraint for at least a few minutes if he wanted Edward to relax. Alfons might have lost his morals, but he hadn't lost his common sense. And so, as was also appropriate, he kept his voice quiet and his expression casual as he absently gestured in the direction of his desk, which was littered with open books and blueprints."
"I was just re-reading some things on the latest accomplishments in rocket propulsion. Well, latest in terms of the year this place seems to be stuck in." Which was mildly disappointing, really. He would have liked to find information on technology that went so far as the year Faye was from.
Ed; Ahhh, the attempt to conceal the Scientist's excitement was slipping steadily. It had been one of the big reasons he and Alfons had clicked, from time to time, in the first place. If nothing else, they could always have a sense of almost childish fascination with their subject area. Something altered in Ed's smirk, turning it to more of a closemouthed grin and his eyes had a slight glint in them. Inspiration, perhaps, and Alfons had most likely seen it before.
The fact the technology was so different in the City was exciting. There were new things to push his attention into an get himself caught up in and he was sure Alfons was most likely the only one who would share his sense of excitement even if he was controlling it well. Al shared his Scientific love and talent for alchemy, but Ed had a lot to teach him about science in the other world yet, it would be lost on his brother.
He stepped past the other boy then, trying not to seem too eager as he moved to the desk and took up the first sheet that came to hand, golden eyes already scanning over the notes upon the paper before shooting a short glance over his shoulder at his friend before looking back to the sheet "This is nothing like what we knew... There are so many huge chunks we had no idea about, and yet--” and he fell silence, mouth moving slightly as he continued to read, already in danger of falling deeply into that manner of study he did where everything else around his was zoned out completely.
Alfons; "...I know. After updating myself on the future equations, when I read these now, it's almost ridiculous how obvious it should have been. I see it and I can't imagine why we didn't think of it before."
The only reason Alfons' voice wasn't as rushed as it would have been is because this was nothing new to him, and he was far more interested in watching Edward. He was rather fascinating when he was lost in a book, as if nothing else existed outside of whatever he was reading. This worked in Alfons' favor, because it made it easy to blatantly stare at him without being noticed.
And he was staring, leaning against the door and folding his arms across his chest, wondering if Edward was even listening to him anymore as Alfons observed him like a cat might stalk a mouse. "Integrating genetic algorithm based design optimization in rocket propulsion... Fascinating, isn't it? Of course, even you are going to have to trouble understanding that just yet. What the modern generation considers common knowledge in science isn't at all what we're used to."
Ed; He was listening, or half listening and half reading, his mind already ticking over all the ideas as he allowed them to flow in, already slotting together parts of the notes with snippets of what Alfons was saying. His eyes narrowed a little, not in annoyance or frustration, but at confusion as his gaze graced over a second that made no sense. Or at least, it was missing something that would mean it would make sense, as Alfons had possibly said, but that particular statement had been lost somewhere as he leaned over the desk a moment, eyes darting over the various notes trying to see if he could find the missing piece of the puzzle by chance glance.
Of course, in the obsessive study state he fell victim to he hadn't the slightest idea that Alfons was watching him so intently, not that he usually did to be fair but he really didn't have a hope in hell of picking it up while theory was rushing around his brain like that. Normally, he may have blinked, tilted his head and grinned before asking what Alfons was staring at or if he had something on his face. No such luck this time however as he moved a hand to flick open a book open the desk and trace underneath a few lines with his fingertip as he read along, every so often pausing to glance at the sheet still in his hand, muttering to himself, questioning, then seeming to almost disagree with himself and mutter something else. Gone. Yeah, he was completely gone.
Alfons; Alfons' lips twitched a bit, almost as if displeased, but not particularly with Edward. He was upset for having let himself become a slave to his own twisted logic. It wasn't even real logic. It had been excuses upon excuses, an elaborate façade created not to protect Edward, but to protect himself. He had tried to make himself believe that he had been lying for Edward's sake, but that was hardly the case. Edward wasn't a fragile little girl. Alfons was the coward. Had been, up to this point, and he was fairly disgusted in himself.
If he was going to suffer for all eternity in this hell hole, why not seize the damn moment? And really, it was a wonder he loved this creature, and Alfons wasn't sure why he had been so devoted. Edward was brilliant, true, moreso now that Alfons didn't think him to be utterly insane for creating made up worlds in his head.
But he was also selfish, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate. And those were all the same thing practically, only Edward was complex enough to make them different. And bravery was anything but heroic, because it had yet again been fueled by his own selfish desires to get home. So he had a rather grating personality, but he did have looks and brains to make up for it.
Two out of three wasn't bad.
Perhaps Edward's constant thirst for knowledge was his own downfall in this predicament, because he couldn't even tell he was already in a trap and he wasn't escaping.
There was a moment when Alfons' mind went blank as he felt that familiar and loathsome dryness in his chest, the building pressure that was inescapable, no matter how smart or conniving one was. Still, as he coughed into his hand, he did his best to cough quietly, because the last thing he needed was to startle Edward from his daze.
...And thank God, no. It wasn't like his coughs were anything new, anyway, and he was relieved to find that this cough had stayed dry.
Regaining his composure, the blond stepped up behind the other, not really needing to be especially quiet when Edward was so enraptured. But, it would probably be impossible to ignore the sudden arms around his waist, not to mention the soft voice that tickled at his ear. "Would you and my notes like a private room?" he teased, sounding amused.
Ed; The cough had almost been enough to pull him back from his thoughts. It wasn't a noise that drowned into the background as easily as music or chatter did, it was a single sound that cut through silence with ease. But when he was as engrossed as he was Edward's head only lifted a bit for a second, the eyes didn't lift from he pages and his attention was not fully caught. Not yet. Knowledge was a weakness for most in its basic form, for him it was almost as worrying as an addiction. But he couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it. He was good at this stuff, damn it. Good was actually an understatement- he was fucking brilliant at it and he knew it. Even his trance-like state was disturbed by physical contact however.
Lifting his head fully, it seemed to take a second or two for Edward to readjust himself, let the words, equations and theories settle like calm waters in his mind before he turned his head a little to look at Alfons out the corner of his eye and blinked. He flushed a little, ironically not at the contact, but the words as he straightened his back and closed his eyes with a sense of stubborn defiance.
"Don't act like you weren't like this when you were first introduced to this kind of information. You and I know what we're like when it comes to Science, especially this advanced." He gestured lightly with one hand for unknowing effect, now holding the book itself "I mean, let's face it, neither of us would have lived long enough to see these kinds developments come to light. This is a magnificent opportunity to learn more than anyone from our time could have ever hoped for. It's--"
He paused, took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging a little, clearly very happy as he tilted his head upward once more, enough to rest that back of his skull lightly against Alfons. Science dorks indeed. Again, Alfons was the only person Ed was sure would both share and understand his breathless excitement "...it's fascinating, it really is..." he clearly hadn't heard Alfons making the same comment earlier "And you were holding out on me this long, huh? You jerk!"
Alfons; As Edward prattled on, Alfons listened, and when Edward sagged and leaned back against him, Alfons shut his eyes and savored it. There was peace in that moment, and he could pretend it had always been like this, and would always be like this.
But then Ed had to go and open his mouth again, snapping Alfons out of his little fantasy and back to the present, which irritated him. "I wasn't holding out on you. You just never asked, and you seemed busy enough with your brother and your Colonel and everyone else from your world." Oh, so so bitter, and he really wasn't even trying to hide that note in his voice.
Fortunately, Alfons changed the subject too swiftly for Edward to get in any commentary on that, lifting one arm from the other man's belt to pull the book out of Edward's flailing hand. "If you want to go through all this later, fine, but I had other plans in mind for right now." The book was tossed onto the desk.
"You wanted to know before, just what happened during your last stay here. Would you still like to know?" And he certainly wasn't giving Edward any extra personal space, merely tugging him back with him as Alfons took a step backwards.
Ed; Well, there was no ignoring that cutting tone regarding the people he knew from his own world, a scowl crossing his face. Of course he didn't like those words or the way they were uttered. He would have snapped something at Alfons if given the chance to do so, his gaze had tightened into a slight glare as he turned his head once more to try and focus the look onto Alfons. But he wasn't given the opportunity to protest.
The book being removed from him distracted him enough, his eyes following the way the notes went and heard the way it thumped heavily upon the desk. His stare lingered on it for a second or two before Alfons spoke again, turning to look at him with a strange feeling starting to bubble in his stomach. Something had shifted and it made him tense, uneasy and the last thing the other boy said wasn't helping that feeling.
But he was stubborn, his feet dug down slightly as Alfons moved one back, twisting his upper body to look at him better but otherwise keeping his back to him "...yeah I did. It's a little strange knowing I was here but I don't remember anything about it. But--" He took a step forward himself then, trying to tug himself free of Alfons' hold "Something isn't right. What's gotten into you? You can't still be pissed about earlier, I thought we cleared the air already."
Alfons; In a match of pure strength, Alfons wasn't foolish enough to believe he had a chance in hell, so he easily let Edward go when he tried to twist free, offering a frown in response.
"The air has been anything but clear between us since the moment you arrived, or are you really so dense? Maybe I'm just a better actor than even I realized. But believe me when I say nothing's gotten into me." More like something had left him, but really...semantics. "I'm offering to be honest and you assume I'm a little daft? Your faith in me is really touching." And no, that sarcastic drawl was not imagined.
His expression soured a bit as he turned away and reached for a medium sized box resting above his bookshelf, pointedly just out of Edward's reach. It wasn't light, though, so he was quick to dump it on the bed before ripping the lid off. Inside were photographs galore, most of them in framed, and most of them of Edward. There were a few group shots, including Winry and Alphonse, and there was even a picture of Hohenheim and Trisha in there...well, she looked more like Sloth if one inspected it more closely. Aside from the photos, there were unlabeled video tapes.
"This is what's left behind from your visit. These pictures?" He lifted up one of the framed photos. It was innocently candid, with Edward turned and clearly annoyed at being snuck up on. "I had these littered all over the apartment after you left! It looked ridiculous, but it was all I had left."
Ed; Whatever he was expecting, this revelation was not it by a long shot. As Alfons stepped away, Edward turned fully, watching him reach for the box and there was a strange jerk in his chest. The sight of it made him nervous and apparently with good reason. He wanted to dart over, shove a hand down on the lid no matter what was inside it. Suddenly, the curiosity was gone and he didn't want to know. He wanted to revert to his childish side, put his fingers in his ears, close his eyes, block it out, run. That container may well have actually be Pandora's box as far as he was concerned.
He watched the images fall onto the sheets in a splash of colour. He didn't dare come closer, didn't want to look at them in detail. Instead he backed up slightly, feeling his back hit the edge of the desk and his hands moved to grasp it tightly, quite sure that was the only thing keeping him up; he wasn't sure he trusted his legs to hold his weight in that moment.
Edward's mouth felt dry, his eyes wide and his insides felt like they were shaking nauseatingly as he dared to take a hand from the desk to put it to his mouth, his closing his eyes and bowing his head. He couldn't fucking remember. That was what was disturbing him the most. There was more to it, of course. Why were there so many? When was Winry there? Why was his father there? And his mother, no, it wasn't, but either way... He couldn't remember but there were so many photographs that it was difficult to deny being there. Regardless, as hard as he thought, he couldn't remember any of the events documented in those pictures.
"...I..." His mind had gone from being full of codes and theories to blanking out completely. What could he say? There was a million questions at once, they were mixing together and that just made it worse "...I can't remember..." He managed to mutter behind his hand, his eyes lowering to the floor. He couldn't look at them. It didn't make any damn sense. He felt like he was going to be sick...
Alfons; Alfons couldn't deny that he got a smug sense of satisfaction out of seeing Edward's dismay. He hoped there was guilt buried somewhere in all that obvious confusion. "I don't expect you to remember," he snapped. "If somebody comes back and they don't remember the City, they never regain those memories, as far as I've witnessed. I'm just showing you proof."
God, it was sickening. He had nearly turned his apartment into a shrine after Edward had left, hiding in his room and just watching those damned videos over and over until it all blended together into a blur of color and sound and he could no longer stay conscious. Those were the only times he had been able to sleep, and that had gone on for a month.
Alfons wasn't slow or careful as he walked over to Edward, reaching out and grabbing his wrist to yank his hand away from his mouth. "Don't be a coward. Look at me." His voice was ragged now as he gazed down at him, just barely able to restrain himself. "Do you really think I'm acting so strange now? This is me finally being honest with you. Ever since you've gotten here all I've been doing is playing the part of the good friend, acting as if nothing's changed between us. But I've been here for over a year, and believe me. I've changed. And a good part of that is because of you."
Ed; There was very little resistance presented to his arm being yanked and indeed he did look at Alfons. That was not the difficult part for him. Or at least, it wasn't until that moment. It was the bed and the photographs that had scared the hell out of him, not Alfons himself. Coming to the City had shaken him up, but finding there were people he knew and thought he'd lost had given him an odd sense of ease. He could relocate and readjust easily, the place itself wasn't a problem.
He closed his eyes again for a moment, trying to focus his thoughts before shaking his head because everything was so damn confusing and he lightly tried to yank his hand free.
"Alfons, you--" He lifted his eyes, locking them with the other boy's for a moment as he breath hitched in his throat. What the hell was he supposed to say? Damn it all. "You were... I mean, I didn't know! I had no damn idea, what was I expected to do? You didn't seem to stop wanting to me to stop by at all, how was I supposed to know? What--"
He felt his jaw clench, looking away to the side then "What the hell was I supposed to do if I didn't know... This is... this can't be--" He shook his head again. It couldn't be true, right? It couldn't be. There was that sickly feeling again just from glancing at the base of the bed, not even the top of it. He couldn’t look at that, it was hard enough to retain some control. The opposite direction seemed far more inviting to look at right then, the wall especially.
Alfons; He had to laugh bitterly at that, however curtly. "Don't be silly. The entire point was so that you didn't find out. I even had Mustang swear not to tell you anything." Of course, Alfons knew he probably hadn't had to, considering that would have lessened any slim chance the Colonel could ever have with him. Just thinking about it made him tense.
"Stop acting like this is some kind of punishment." He'd had his little fun with that, and he'd grown bored quickly. It wasn't very beneficial if Edward ended up traumatized and useless. And of course, there was the part of him that cared. He still had a heart, he just didn't follow it's rules to the letter.
His voice was soft now as he reached out to let his fingertips gently brush aside Ed's bangs. It was rare that he was allowed to see him so vulnerable. It was thrilling to know that he was the cause. "I'm just trying to make you understand. It's what you wanted, isn't it? It must be awful to have such a large gap in the memory... For me to know so much about you...and for you to know so little. But I'm not a cruel man, Edward. You know that. "
His hand was practically trembling as he cupped Edward's jaw, thumb brushing over his lips as he favored him with a heavy gaze. "I'll tell you everything you've forgotten... I'll show you everything you've missed."
Ed; The hole in his memory was indeed the part that was the most concerning about it all, the news itself was a very close second, however. The section of nothing between being in Germany and landing in the City where apparently everything Alfons was talking about had occurred terrified him. Fear of the unknown, for someone who craved knowledge what could be worse?
The first touch went without a flinch, but the second caused him to snap his gaze back to Alfons once more, again the touch didn't scare him as much as the words did and a kind of panic set in, his pupils contracting slightly as he tried to jerk back. A difficult feat even for an Alchemist of his talent when there was a desk directly behind him. His hands slipped against the papers strewn over the desktop, instead trying to pull his face free of the grasp.
"Alfons--! Wait, what the hell are you doing?" Perhaps a rhetorical question as a result of irrational confusion and finding himself caught in such a strange and difficult situation. This wasn't Alfons, it couldn't be. He knew him, he was sure of it. So what? Was he lying now, or before like he said he was? Or was it something else? A curse? What kind of curse would do this? His mind raced, heart pounded in his chest and part of him kept flickering his eyes to the door. It was tempting, so very tempting, and the more instinct took over the more appealing it was looking.
Ed; It was bad enough that Edward had to flinch away, but then he had the nerve to look towards he door like a scared rabbit? Did he think Alfons was blind? Frustrated and desperate, he grabbed for Ed's left arm to try and keep him secure. "If my touch that repelling or something?! Trust me, you very much liked it before."
His eyes softened then, just a touch, almost nostalgic as he loosened his grip and leaned in, breath hot against Edward's ear. "And don't act like it's the first time. There is one memory even this place couldn't have taken." He was trying, so very much trying, to make this pleasant. Why did Edward have to be so difficult? Why did he have to make it seem repulsive?
"I've gotten sick of staying quiet, and looking at you and not being able to touch you. The most I could manage was to touch that right hand of yours when you weren't looking, since I knew you couldn't feel it. I tried to be content with that, but I'm only human and I'm... I'm very tired." And he did sound tired, he sounded worn, and he sounded desperate.
Ed; Ed whipped a glare back to Alfons, genuinely angered by something he'd said and clenching his fist without moving to pull his arm free of the other teen's grasp "Of course I don't find your touch repelling, what the hell do you take me for?! But this is--"
He paused, the breath against his ear breaking his voice abruptly and made him shudder against his will. His eyes fell closed, frowning to himself as Alfons spoke against his flesh that way. One memory? What did he mean? He didn't dare ask about that. Really, he'd had enough of unexpected answers to questions to last him for at least five years. There was a lump in his throat that he forced down heavily, golden eyes opening as he slid a look toward the other boy.
"But I don't remember, Alfons." He said again, but more clearly this time as he stared at Alfons as directly as he was able "And what am I supposed to think having this kind of news dumped on me so suddenly when there's a big gaping hole where those memories should have been?" He gave a breathy, humourless chuckle and a strange, weak and disbelieving smile "You've got to admit, if you were in my position you'd be pretty freaked out as well, right?"
There was a sense he was trying to appeal to Alfons' sense. He knew he had some and if he could he really would like to avoid shoving him away.
Alfons; That made Alfons pause, and as Edward had hoped, he drew back. Not by much, but at least at this distance the situation might have seemed less threatening. "...You're right. It's a lot to hear. In your shoes, I would have trouble understanding it, but..."
In this, at least, Alfons wasn't lying. In fact, he had hardly lied this entire time...merely spoken things he had never wanted to even acknowledge himself. "I have faith in you. If I was in your shoes, and if my two options were to think you were lying or telling the truth, why on earth would I assume you're lying? By default, you have my trust."
And he looked...almost hurt. And that too was not a lie. But that didn't mean he was going to stop simply because Edward was being stupid and hurtful. "You have faith in me, don't you? You can even go confirm it with the Colonel if you want. Or," and then there was a grin as he leaned back in. "I can simply prove it to you myself. I know your body inside and out. I know where you like to be touched, and I most certainly know where you don't."
Ed was always brutally honest when he didn't like something, after all, and Alfons didn't care to get pinched by Edward's right hand ever again.
Ed; A weight seemed to fall from his shoulder, a kind of relief settling as Edward felt Alfons pull back a way. Indeed, the sense of danger had diminished somewhat. But the questioning made him feel worse again. Of course Alfons was right; what reason had Edward ever had not to trust him. They may have had heated disagreements, flat out arguments even, but nothing that had ever given him reason to question Alfons in terms of trust. Common sense? Sure! He'd questioned him on that, but no, never trust.
The expression the German boy had on his face in turn wasn't helping Edward's guilt, in fact it only drove it a little deeper into his gut, twisted a little, made him want to physically wince. And there was more? Mustang? Edward's eyes twitched in a kind of confusion, then narrowed in a strange, unreadable manner. If what Alfons was saying was true, even this, then Roy knew. He'd known and hadn't mentioned it. Neglecting information? Apparently Hawkeye wasn't the only one who had experienced the Colonel withholding information. Really, with their history Ed shouldn't have been surprised. There were often times Edward felt the desire to punch the Colonel in the face, but never so much as in that moment.
However, the anger was cut short as he noticed Alfons was once again back in his personal space, a strange smirk on his lips and words falling from them that made his golden eyes go wide in shock. Dense though he was, Edward was still human and with such obvious implications there was no way he could stop a blush rushing to his cheeks. His mouth fell open slightly, a few wordless noises coming from him as though completely stunned before shaking his head and trying to firm his expression once more, with difficulty.
"H-hey! Wait a second here! For a start, of course I have faith in you! Don't for a moment think I don't, but you gotta admit this is a lot to swallow, especially in a place as insane as this! The logic is all twisted as it is, not to mention the curse days hitting at random. You said yourself, you've been here almost a year and whatever way you slice it I haven't." He could feel his heart racing, but the longer he could distract the subject from his own body and how well Alfons apparently knew it the better. Even if he pissed Alfons off, even if he ended up punching him, anything to draw the conversation away from that subject.
Alfons; This wasn't working. Alfons had known Edward would be difficult, but he was starting to think that maybe it really wasn't worth all this damn trouble. It's not like he could physically force Edward. He might have had a better chance if not for the alchemy, but with that opposition Alfons knew he would lose the fight. He could always go out and find someone else. Anyone else.
But, something about this man had always enraptured him, nearly to the point of obsession. The only thing that had ever countered that was his obsession with his work...and since that wasn't really a factor here in the City, what did he have left?
"Let's try a different approach." He stepped back, taking Edward's hand and pulling him off of the desk so that they were both standing. Edward was a survivor after all, and if Alfons didn't corner him, he might feel less like escaping. "Ignore the year I just spoke of. Ignore that you don't remember being here, and that I do. Think about this, just this... You and me. We work well together, don't we? We've lived together, challenged one another, and have seen each other at some of our best and worst times."
His free hand lifted to tip Edward's chip up a little. "Have you never thought about it? Not even once? Please don't try and dodge the question, either."
Ed; Again, for a time Edward was speechless. He stared at Alfons in a state of mild bewilderment before giving a strange, flustered kind of noise, like he was trying to say too many things and once and it just came out as an random noise of frustration. He set a look upon the blond then, looking like he was torn between shouting at him and begging him for some kind of real clarification for all this.
A slight sigh moved through his nose as he glanced off to the side. The conversation made him undoubtedly uncomfortable. There didn't seem to be any right answer to give and when it came to matters of attraction he was almost painfully dense with realising it. His mind just wasn't built that way. Some areas of common sense had been replaced with extended understanding of complex subjects, his attitudes were often stuck somewhere between childish and forced maturity. He just didn't get it and he really did need it spelt out for him like this and when it was, as he was discovering, it scared the hell out of him because there was no logic with emotion. He didn't know how to react. And he was pinned down to answer. Don't try and dodge, huh? Bastard. Alfons really did know him well.
"...I haven't..." He admitted finally, turning his eyes back to Alfons once more "I don't think about stuff like that. I haven't done with anyone I don't think. And sure, we work well together... When we're not fighting over something. We've had blazing fights in the past." And in spite of the situation and the light hold Alfons had, Ed had to smile. There were some great memories between them, even the raging arguments.
Alfons; Didn't think about 'stuff like that'? Alfons couldn't believe that... And the arguments? Those had come from passion. Everything coming out of Ed's mouth was just an excuse. Had he really expected anything else? ...Maybe. But he hadn't gotten his hopes up.
"Oh, Edward..." His voice was frightfully soft, gaze unreadable as he stared at the other. "You certainly don't do much for a man's self-esteem. Do you want to know why I've done my best to keep you at a distance since your arrival here? Not telling you a thing of modern rocketry or introducing you to anyone in my life?"
He shoved him roughly, then, not caring if it damaged the lamp on his desk or not, but despite the sudden fury now revealed in his expression, his voice remained quiet and disturbingly collected. "Because I couldn't stand to make you a part of it again, because of that answer. But you didn't care. You just kept pushing, insisting that you wouldn't leave me alone. Because you're selfish. Do you even understand what you do to me? I see you and I remember how you looked lying in bed just as the sun's rising. I hear you and I remember how you sounded when you were beneath me, demanding more. I touch you, and..."
There was a shake of his head, then, followed by a bitter chuckle as he looked down, if only to hide the misery he was too proud to reveal. "And all you can do is make excuses. It's always something with you, isn't it. You fancy yourself quite the explorer, wanting to learn about the unknown...yet you won't even give me a second chance."
Ed; "Ahh--!" He felt his back hit the desk again, giving a light hiss of discomfort and vaguely hearing the clatter of the lamp against the wooden desktop. His hand moved back to steady himself, slipping a few times on the papers beneath them and sending them flying but finally catching himself properly. His bangs fell in front of his eyes for a time, breath forcing out from between his gritted teeth and the more Alfons spoke the more his lips turned to a kind of tense snarl. His hand snapped forward then before he could stop it, grabbing Alfons by the collar and yanking him forward dangerously close as he growled faintly, feeling his arm shaking with… something. Anger or nerves, or both.
"I told you, how the hell could I have come here, discovered you were here too and not come to see you? What the hell do you take me for, Alfons, huh?!" Emotions were dangerous things, he'd always known that, but sadly he'd never been one to pick up the warning signs for them "You expected me to just sit and pretend you weren't here? That I didn't know you at all? Were you expecting me to just ignore you? What?!"
There was a shaky intake of breath, a weak attempt to recollect himself but it failed, his grip only tightened, his eyes narrowed and his jaw stung from how hard he could feel his back teeth forced against each other.
"And it may be a second chance to you, but it's not to me. I can't make myself remember any of this stuff you're telling me, damn it! No matter how hard I try, I can't. You've made it pretty clear what you remember, but I don't, got it?! Everything in this City I'm seeing for the first time and even the people I thought I knew aren't all the same. It can't be a second chance to me because I don't feel like I've even gone through it once!"
Alfons; He was such a brat. The urge to hurt him was immeasurable, then. To hurt him as much as he'd been hurt. "You won't even give me a first chance!" he yelled, certainly not caring if Franca was home or not, and he reached up to try and wrench Ed's hand free, but he knew it was futile.
"So because you can't remember it, I'm just supposed to forget because you find it uncomfortable?! That you're free from responsibility because you can't recall what you put me through? Goodness, I'm sorry to have troubled you! I'll just act like it never happened and you can continue on your ignorant way, while I sit here alone for all eternity, dying over and over again until I'm permitted the mercy of a true death!"
No, he wanted to do more than hurt him. He wanted to kill him. Why did Alfons have to be the one to die? Why did he have to be sick? Why was it Edward who got all the breaks? "Stop complaining about how hard it is for you because you can't remember, and take some time to think how hard it is for those who do! You act like your life has been nothing but hardships, but at least you still know what it's like to have a pulse! Get over yourself!"
Ed; "DAMN IT! That's not what I was--!" He stopped mid-snap, suddenly looking winded and in many ways he was. Of course he knew Alfons was dead, but it was easy to forget when they stood before you in that way. The City fucked with his head enough as it was but this?
His grip loosened a little, but didn't release as he stared at the other teen through wide eyes. Honestly, he would have rather Alfons have literally kicked him in the stomach or something because his words were far worse than anything physical he could throw at him. Of course, he was bratty, he was selfish and he was pretty short-sighted at times, but a lot of the time his feelings and his attempts to express them didn't quite match. This was one such occasion.
"I..." He began, his hand at Alfons' collar starting to shake a little once more, this time certainly not from anger "I didn't mean... That wasn't what I was... I wasn't..." His shoulders sagged, head bowed low as he felt something very uncomfortable pad around and settle itself down heavily in the pit of his stomach. Guilt. Edward knew it well and there was not mistaking it.
"I didn't mean it like that." He said after trying to find his thoughts "I didn't say anything about asking you to forget or anything like that. But I--"
It kept echoing in his head that Alfons was dead and trapped. Not only that, he was suffering and it was his fault. The fact he couldn't remember what he'd done made it terrible to him. Normally, Edward knew when he had hurt Alfons feelings off the bat- usually because his pride made him stubborn and made him cling to his opinion even if he knew he was wrong. Normally when they fought, he knew because all his actions and words were his own and he could recall it later, but he couldn't remember this time and it put him in a lose-lose situation. It was distressing in many ways, but Alfons had certainly put things in painful perspective.
"...what the hell am I supposed to do, Alfons?" He muttered, head still lowered "I can't restore your life and I can't kill you properly, I would never want to even if I could. Never. I can't remember what happened before and you do. I can't take those away from you or restore them for me. But I'm meant to just wade into a situation like this blindly when I'm not even sure what I was supposed to have done before? Is that honestly what you want me to do?" He paused, shaking his head before lifting his head a short way, not enough to really look at Alfons however.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?"
Alfons; Poor, poor Edward. Was he expecting Alfons to sympathize with him? He couldn't. He never would. This was the person who had been thrown into his life uninvited, and in months, sped through classes and lectures that should have taken years. Alfons was forced to tolerate his backwards thinking, wondering how such a suspicious and seemingly insane person could be so brilliant. It had made Alfons feel humbled in it's wake, and that alone was frustrating. And then came Edward's stories, tales of alchemy and adventures and some person with a face and name like his only not.
Who do you see when you look at me? He had wanted to ask it, had tried not to care, had done his best to simply acknowledge him as a colleague and eventually a roommate. But Edward had been a tornado, and Alfons had been helpless in it's wake. Had it really gotten him anything other than trouble? Death? The loss of hopes and dreams that Alfons had aspired to accomplish for years?
It wasn't the illness killing me. It was you! He took advantage of Edward's moment of weakness then, grabbing his shoulder and pushing, twisting until he could kick his legs right out from under him. Oh, Alfons had done more than bake cookies and read since coming here.
But even after knocking Ed to the floor, he made no other move, simply resting his hand against his shoulder and sitting there, looking down at him. That had simply been payback for wrinkling his damned shirt. There was hardly any malice in it...was there? Still, it made his breathing harder and his chest tighten.
"You aren't wading in blindly, Edward." He was crooning, now, using the soft and soothing tone he always did when trying to console someone dear. "I'm here, and I'm offering to help. I'm just asking you to cooperate."
Ed; The floor was as inviting as he could possibly have expected it to be but the fact Alfons had gotten him there in the first place was quite surprising. It wasn't like Edward had ever considered Alfons weak in any sense of the word, not even when it came to his illness, but he certainly hadn't been expecting that.
He remained quite still for a time, staring up at Alfons in return, his mind racing with possibilities of what he should do. Nothing he could think of would make this easy. To shove Alfons away would hurt him, to submit would be like taking pity on him, to try and bloke it out would be an insult, to try and return it would feel like lying when Edward felt so unsure.
The tone being used didn't help either, the words even less so. Cooperate? It really didn't feel as simple as all that. It didn't seem right, didn't seem like the Alfons he knew really at all. The nature of the fight was different, the low blows weren't like the ones Ed was used to, everything felt a little turned at an angle. And yet, oh yes, he questioned himself and how well he thought he knew Alfons. He'd been in the City almost a year? How much changed in a year? Well for one he'd learnt how to get someone down on the floor with ease and there was most likely more. The whole damn situation made him question what he knew, thought he so sure of, everything. He hated it.
"You're here, sure," he said with a frown as he tried to sit up, difficult with the weight of Alfons’ hand on his shoulder "But you're not at the same time."
Alfons; It hit more than he expected it to; more than he wanted it to. And his eyes narrowed, his teeth grit, and he pressed harder against his shoulder. "Is that right? Do you think you have me all figured out? To kick a man when he's on his knees, practically begging? You twisted my work, tarnished my reputation, and destroyed my life. Do you really think you have any right to judge me?"
Both hands moved to Edward's neck, then, squeezing. His weakness was in his lungs, not in his arms. And though he wasn't as strong as Edward, he knew where to press. Of course, Edward could easily throw him off and escape, could kill him if he'd had the guts. But Alfons was being unreasonable, as he had lost all reason.
"You should have been the one to die!"
Ed; The years spent training had never been forgotten, it was all burnt into his instinct and he could still summon it whenever he wished. There had been little need for it in Alfons' world and even less call to use it on the boy himself. Clumsy punches to the jaw, that was the most it ever came to normally.
But even if the words stung, made his heart feel like Alfons had grabbed and jerked it to a painful angle, the hands at his throat triggered reaction. Even if Alfons was right he wasn't going to question it now. He was alive and even though the other boy was likely the only person who perhaps did have a kind of right to snuff out Edward's life on some level he could not allow it.
A shocked noise choked up from him before he moved his right hand suddenly, hard fingers coiling around Alfons' arm and yanking. Hard. His left leg pushed up with the other movement, shoving quite roughly against the other boy to push him off, flipping him over to instead leave Edward straddling his middle and pinning his arms down firmly against the floor above his head.
"I may not have you all figured out, but I damn well know when you're not being yourself! You may be right, I most likely should have died so many times already, but..." He took a deep, shaky breath before levelling Alfons with a firm stare "While I feel guilty for everything else I've done to you, will no doubt keep doing to you, I can't be sorry for that. I'm alive, against all odds. I am alive and I while I do regret you're not too, I'm not sorry that I am."
He lowered his head a little, pressing his forehead to Alfons' as he closed his eyes, trying to keep it together. "It's the one thing I really can't give you. Just about anything else there's always a possibility, but that? That, I can't. And I know you wouldn't take it from me either." Opening his eyes again, he stared at the other boy at that close proximity "I know you wouldn't. So where are you, Alfons?"
Alfons; He had known it was coming, of course, in the back of his head. Known he couldn't really kill Edward, not like that. There was that gun Faye had given him forever and a day ago, but that was snug beneath his mattress, where he had previously hoped never to have a need for it. This counted as need, right?
The inquiry made him grimace and try to pull back, but there was nowhere else to go. There was just the floor and Edward, and he was so close. He could lose himself in those eyes. This wasn't want, or desire... This was need. It was something that was impossible to escape, and the only way to fix it was acquire what you needed.
He needed Edward.
He needed Edward dead.
And then he could never leave. He'd know what it was like to be trapped, and to forget what real warmth was, to sometimes confuse the City's ticking for your own heart beat, and to realize that no matter what you did here to make some kind of impact...nothing ever really mattered.
Alfons considered punching him. It would have been a struggle to free his hand but not impossible, and Alfons might have enough time to reach for the bed. Bruising that perfect face would feel oh-so-satisfying. You think you know everything? But he knew he would have a better chance if he acted...less homicidal. You caught more bees with honey, right? Besides, he was so close he was just begging for it, and even if he knew the alchemist's reaction would damage his pride even more, he knew it was better than trying to best Ed in a fist fight.
So he kissed him. It only required closing the distance by a mere couple inches, and a soft pressure, and he hated himself for enjoying this small and sick moment. You aren't allowed to pity me. You aren't allowed to care for me. I'm not even alive, so how can I exist? The sympathy is false, because I am nothing.
Ed; It was impossible for time to literally freeze, but that was what it felt like then.
His eyes went wide and his pupils small as he found himself shocked still. It sent something shooting through him, nothing he knew to speak of or could recall but undoubtedly something. It ran over his lips and dispersed instantly over ever nerve of his body. It was like lightening, which logically was impossible, but it was what it reminded him of all the same.
And while it surprised him, it didn’t repulse him and maybe that scared him. It was certainly enough to make him jerk backward to a sit and whip a hand to his mouth, his breath uneven and hot against the gloved palm pressed over his lips as he stared down at Alfons utterly silent.
It shut down most of his brain for a time, left him with a few seconds where he was almost completely open with only one thing going through his mind What the fuck was that? He didn’t shoot across the room of anything, only sat up and touched the hand to his mouth, but he hadn’t thought any of this through or what he was going to do next. His thoughts were stuck on that one in particular and aside from the pounding of his heartbeat it was almost like there was nothing else in existence.
Alfons; The look on Edward's face was priceless, and Alfons wanted very much to analyze it, but he knew he didn't have the time. He couldn't waste a minute, no matter how alluring the prospect of kissing him once more was. If not for the threat of that damned alchemy, he would have had his way long ago.
Alfons might have never really know what it was like to get his way, but he could at least try to make sure Ed wouldn't get his. He struck quickly, not as hard as an experienced fighter might have, but he'd dealt with enough crap in this city to know how to punch, and Edward's frozen face was the prime target.
As soon he was free from underneath the other, Alfons scrambled up and reached for his mattress, the adrenaline rush being the only thing that kept him from slowing down. He had to strain to find it, as for some reason he had seen fit to hide it near the middle, but as soon as he felt the cold steel, he whipped around to aim carefully, clicking the safety off. He certainly wasn't practiced at this, so he knew he might have to shoot twice or thrice just to make sure.
He knew that even with Ed's alchemy, it was a very fragile situation. Could he use it before Alfons fired off a shot? The young man kept his grip tight, and there was no wavering. "I'm right here, Edward. I've always been right here. You just never took the time to notice."
Ed; The impact sent him backward, but on the plus it brought him around pretty sharpish... And he was greeted by a gun pointed in his direction. Some deity had better think this whole mess was hilarious because Edward was not seeing the humour at all.
It was a dangerous situation, even if Edward had seen his fair share of guns aimed at him. This was Alfons, though. It wasn't as simple as other situations, and they were normally out in the open, not in a bedroom. He had to ignore his other concerns until later, shove them to the side, stamp them down and focus.
Screw it. He could either wait to see if Alfons dared to fire a shot or several or he could do something. A noise broke the silence, palms clapping together before slamming down upon the wood floor. The alchemy charged through the material, sending a wave through it with the intent of knocking Alfons off his feet again, just long enough for Edward to dart over and get the damn gun away from him. Sure, it was going to mess up the room terribly and turn the floor into a strange wooden wave that would maybe turn the bed over slightly... But he'd fix it later.
Alfons; He didn't really know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. If it wasn't currently being used against him, he would have taken the time to be properly amazed. But instead it just forced him off balance, sprawled on the floor once more where the bed was supposed to be, but it had been shoved into an odd angle, forcing the box, videos, and photographs to slip off and cover the floor.
Dazed, he didn't even see Edward until he was on top of him and wrenching the gun free from his loosened grip. Alfons tried desperately to hold on, to fire and hope to God it connected, but Edward's experience and strength was simply too much. Which left him sitting in a mess of paper and glass, nails digging into the warped wood and undeniable loathing in the glower he pinned Edward with. Perhaps the line between love and hate was as thin as they said.
But the over-exertion had taken it's toll, and Alfons' body couldn't keep up with his mind. A moment later he was forced to shut his eyes and hunch over, covering his mouth as he felt that familiar burn sizzle through his lungs and scorch his throat, and this time the coughs were not dry. He could have laughed, had he the energy, at how ridiculous it was to choke on your lack of air when you were deceased.
Ed; There was almost a moment where Edward would have felt satisfied at the way it all came together in the end. He could have smirked down at Alfons, made some cocky comment as he sent the gun spinning across whatever flat section of the floor remained and away out of sight.
It could have been very morbidly pleasing indeed, but that cough stopped him short. The threatening grin faded, the words he was going to blurt out triumphantly gone and there was only concern as he moved back slightly to give the other teen some space.
"Alfons!" Even if he moved back, Edward hadn't moved again and his hands came to his shoulders. Despite everything, the harsh words, the attempted homicide and the invasion of personal space, Ed was sure the City itself had a hand in it and as such he couldn't turn and walk away from his friend when he was in such a state. It even distracted him from letting his eyes wander over the photographs strewn across the floor where he knelt beside Alfons. Enough. Please. Enough has to be enough.
Alfons; The touch made him hiss and jerk back, unable to say what he wanted to right then as it was all he could do to keep from gagging on his own blood. The convulsions finally got weaker, and as he wiped his sleeve against his mouth, Alfons spat out in a voice so raspy it was nigh unrecognizable.
"Get out." What was this? Pity for the man who tried to kill him? For being so bright, Edward sure was dim. Not to mention insulting. "Get out or I'll find a way to kill you, alchemy be damned!"
Ed; Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, partly wanting to punch Alfons right in the face again but thought better of it. The idea of walking out made him feel like he was ignoring the whole damn thing and that didn't sit well with him. "Tch! You've not the first one to say that and you won't be the last I'm sure. But just for that I'm going to leave the damn room in this state until you're in a better frame of mind."
The blond allowed his glare to linger for a moment, then stood up slowly, crossing the room in the direction that he'd sent the gun to collect it. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of leaving it there with Alfons like that. As he headed to the door his hand rested in the frame and he paused, sighing before shooting a look over his shoulder.
"Next time I won't hesitate. I'll just break your arm or jaw or something, got it?" It was easier to act tough like that for the time being, but Edward had an overwhelming sense that when he was out the apartment and alone that would certainly not the be the case. Shaken to the core didn't even come close to explaining it.
Alfons; All Edward got in response was a light snarl as Alfons struggled to keep from collapsing in yet another fit. It wasn't until he heard the front door close that he gasped and slumped to his side, fingers digging into his shirt and twisting more with each racking cough. It was easier when he was alone, because there was nobody around to watch or listen. Nobody to look at him as a pitiful creature or a hopeless burden.
This sickness might have made him weak, but he would not stay that way.
Lying there, he stared at the photographs and broken frames strewn every which way, and one specifically caught his clouded gaze. Alfons' movements were slow and taxing, but he managed to snatch it up and peer. Cirucci, Hansel, and Gretel. ...Right. That damnable bitch had also condemned him. With a huff, he stood and crinkled the picture into a ball before tossing it in the direction of the trash can new tipped on it's side. He really ought to pay the Thunderwitch a visit.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Rating; PG-13 [suggestive content, violence, dramallama]
Characters; Edward Elric [chrysopoeia] & Alfons Heiderich [opfern]
Summary; Alfons at his worst was definitely the Opposite Morals curse, and unfortunately Ed isn't quick enough to catch it in time. Brainraping, attempted homicide, and soap opera d0rama' ensues.
Log;
Ed; Boys would be boys, and Edward and Alfons did have a history of clashing with each other, verbally, literally and metaphorically. Usually, such fights were heated and descended into harsh low-blows delivered and received by both of them. They always forgave each other in the end, however, even if it was never actually done with words. Apologies were not one of Edward's strong points and if backed into a corner and forced to utter one properly it would be down without eye contact, head tilted down and to the side, more of a mutter than anything else and with a definite scowl either at himself for doing something silly enough to warrant giving the apology in the first place or at the idea of actually being forced to give one.
Regardless, the verbal blows had been thrown and wordless forgiveness had been given and as such Edward saw no reason not to visit Alfons as planned. He casually ran the key to Alfons an Franca's apartment between his gloved fingers, amused to a degree that the other scientist was taking Ed's use of alchemy in the City seriously. Of course, if he used it to force the door open he'd repair it later, but apparently Alfons didn't want to risk it. A key worked fine and it just gave Ed and extended smug feeling that he'd won in that particular area.
The key slid in, clicked once and he winced. It was early after all and he didn't want to wake Alfons' roommate with his entrance as he gently pushed the weight of his shoulder against the door, pushed and slipped inside to glance around, seeing if Alfons himself was awake even. If not, Edward would no doubt find a chair to flop into and a book to pore over.
Alfons; If Edward had wanted a book, there was no shortage on selection. It was only due to Franca constantly keeping Alfons in check that the place didn't actually look as cluttered as it really was, so most of the books stayed on their shelves or on the coffee table. He had never been a messy person by nature, and in fact was quick to scold Edward when he left books and notes lying around, but when Alfons got hooked on an idea he really didn't pay much attention to anything else for a long while. Sadly, that often included sleeping.
He'd been wide awake, of course, so he stood from his chair as soon as he heard the door open. No matter how quiet you tried to be, there was still that irritating creak. Alfons didn't even have to try to keep the smile on his face, as he headed out his bedroom door, shooing Ciro away with his foot when the white cat tried to step in his path. If he stepped on the damn thing because it liked to get in his way, it wasn't his fault.
Spotting Ed in the living room, Alfons was quick to motion for him to follow back into his room. After all, they didn't want to wake Franca, right? ...Right. Honestly, Alfons didn't even know if she was in that bedroom of hers, nor did he care. But it was as good an excuse as any to get cooperation without suspicion.
Ed; Edward blinked at the gesture, then smiled a little and shrugged to himself. Sign-language lessons were already commencing, huh? Well, he wasn't going to complain, it had been the main reason for stopping by, anyway. As he walked, quietly as one could manage while wearing shoes, he lightly shrugged his coat off his shoulders and draped it over his arm for a moment before lightly dumping it over the back of a chair in the living room as he passed it by. It was a neat enough place to put it for now, right?
Luckily, Alfons didn't seem to harbour any lingering feelings of tension regarding their little disagreement early, for now, and that was a relief to Edward. As willing as he was to snarl and hiss his opinions, Ed wasn't a fan of lingering tension or tip-toeing over eggshells in the aftermath. And so with the only hesitation being to put down his coat, the alchemist followed his friend to the bedroom, fingertips ghosting over the door idly as he moved and he offered an expectant kind of smirk. The kind of smirk that looked like a general question but there was never really a specific topic to it.
Alfons; Oh Edward and that cocky attitude of his. Alfons knew how he was supposed to respond, because he had done it a thousand times in response. So even though Alfons just wanted to just shove him right onto the floor then, he offered the appropriate response, which was to lightly roll his eyes as he shut the door.
He didn't do it out of kindness, but because he knew that he had to exercise some amount of self-restraint for at least a few minutes if he wanted Edward to relax. Alfons might have lost his morals, but he hadn't lost his common sense. And so, as was also appropriate, he kept his voice quiet and his expression casual as he absently gestured in the direction of his desk, which was littered with open books and blueprints."
"I was just re-reading some things on the latest accomplishments in rocket propulsion. Well, latest in terms of the year this place seems to be stuck in." Which was mildly disappointing, really. He would have liked to find information on technology that went so far as the year Faye was from.
Ed; Ahhh, the attempt to conceal the Scientist's excitement was slipping steadily. It had been one of the big reasons he and Alfons had clicked, from time to time, in the first place. If nothing else, they could always have a sense of almost childish fascination with their subject area. Something altered in Ed's smirk, turning it to more of a closemouthed grin and his eyes had a slight glint in them. Inspiration, perhaps, and Alfons had most likely seen it before.
The fact the technology was so different in the City was exciting. There were new things to push his attention into an get himself caught up in and he was sure Alfons was most likely the only one who would share his sense of excitement even if he was controlling it well. Al shared his Scientific love and talent for alchemy, but Ed had a lot to teach him about science in the other world yet, it would be lost on his brother.
He stepped past the other boy then, trying not to seem too eager as he moved to the desk and took up the first sheet that came to hand, golden eyes already scanning over the notes upon the paper before shooting a short glance over his shoulder at his friend before looking back to the sheet "This is nothing like what we knew... There are so many huge chunks we had no idea about, and yet--” and he fell silence, mouth moving slightly as he continued to read, already in danger of falling deeply into that manner of study he did where everything else around his was zoned out completely.
Alfons; "...I know. After updating myself on the future equations, when I read these now, it's almost ridiculous how obvious it should have been. I see it and I can't imagine why we didn't think of it before."
The only reason Alfons' voice wasn't as rushed as it would have been is because this was nothing new to him, and he was far more interested in watching Edward. He was rather fascinating when he was lost in a book, as if nothing else existed outside of whatever he was reading. This worked in Alfons' favor, because it made it easy to blatantly stare at him without being noticed.
And he was staring, leaning against the door and folding his arms across his chest, wondering if Edward was even listening to him anymore as Alfons observed him like a cat might stalk a mouse. "Integrating genetic algorithm based design optimization in rocket propulsion... Fascinating, isn't it? Of course, even you are going to have to trouble understanding that just yet. What the modern generation considers common knowledge in science isn't at all what we're used to."
Ed; He was listening, or half listening and half reading, his mind already ticking over all the ideas as he allowed them to flow in, already slotting together parts of the notes with snippets of what Alfons was saying. His eyes narrowed a little, not in annoyance or frustration, but at confusion as his gaze graced over a second that made no sense. Or at least, it was missing something that would mean it would make sense, as Alfons had possibly said, but that particular statement had been lost somewhere as he leaned over the desk a moment, eyes darting over the various notes trying to see if he could find the missing piece of the puzzle by chance glance.
Of course, in the obsessive study state he fell victim to he hadn't the slightest idea that Alfons was watching him so intently, not that he usually did to be fair but he really didn't have a hope in hell of picking it up while theory was rushing around his brain like that. Normally, he may have blinked, tilted his head and grinned before asking what Alfons was staring at or if he had something on his face. No such luck this time however as he moved a hand to flick open a book open the desk and trace underneath a few lines with his fingertip as he read along, every so often pausing to glance at the sheet still in his hand, muttering to himself, questioning, then seeming to almost disagree with himself and mutter something else. Gone. Yeah, he was completely gone.
Alfons; Alfons' lips twitched a bit, almost as if displeased, but not particularly with Edward. He was upset for having let himself become a slave to his own twisted logic. It wasn't even real logic. It had been excuses upon excuses, an elaborate façade created not to protect Edward, but to protect himself. He had tried to make himself believe that he had been lying for Edward's sake, but that was hardly the case. Edward wasn't a fragile little girl. Alfons was the coward. Had been, up to this point, and he was fairly disgusted in himself.
If he was going to suffer for all eternity in this hell hole, why not seize the damn moment? And really, it was a wonder he loved this creature, and Alfons wasn't sure why he had been so devoted. Edward was brilliant, true, moreso now that Alfons didn't think him to be utterly insane for creating made up worlds in his head.
But he was also selfish, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate. And those were all the same thing practically, only Edward was complex enough to make them different. And bravery was anything but heroic, because it had yet again been fueled by his own selfish desires to get home. So he had a rather grating personality, but he did have looks and brains to make up for it.
Two out of three wasn't bad.
Perhaps Edward's constant thirst for knowledge was his own downfall in this predicament, because he couldn't even tell he was already in a trap and he wasn't escaping.
There was a moment when Alfons' mind went blank as he felt that familiar and loathsome dryness in his chest, the building pressure that was inescapable, no matter how smart or conniving one was. Still, as he coughed into his hand, he did his best to cough quietly, because the last thing he needed was to startle Edward from his daze.
...And thank God, no. It wasn't like his coughs were anything new, anyway, and he was relieved to find that this cough had stayed dry.
Regaining his composure, the blond stepped up behind the other, not really needing to be especially quiet when Edward was so enraptured. But, it would probably be impossible to ignore the sudden arms around his waist, not to mention the soft voice that tickled at his ear. "Would you and my notes like a private room?" he teased, sounding amused.
Ed; The cough had almost been enough to pull him back from his thoughts. It wasn't a noise that drowned into the background as easily as music or chatter did, it was a single sound that cut through silence with ease. But when he was as engrossed as he was Edward's head only lifted a bit for a second, the eyes didn't lift from he pages and his attention was not fully caught. Not yet. Knowledge was a weakness for most in its basic form, for him it was almost as worrying as an addiction. But he couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it. He was good at this stuff, damn it. Good was actually an understatement- he was fucking brilliant at it and he knew it. Even his trance-like state was disturbed by physical contact however.
Lifting his head fully, it seemed to take a second or two for Edward to readjust himself, let the words, equations and theories settle like calm waters in his mind before he turned his head a little to look at Alfons out the corner of his eye and blinked. He flushed a little, ironically not at the contact, but the words as he straightened his back and closed his eyes with a sense of stubborn defiance.
"Don't act like you weren't like this when you were first introduced to this kind of information. You and I know what we're like when it comes to Science, especially this advanced." He gestured lightly with one hand for unknowing effect, now holding the book itself "I mean, let's face it, neither of us would have lived long enough to see these kinds developments come to light. This is a magnificent opportunity to learn more than anyone from our time could have ever hoped for. It's--"
He paused, took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging a little, clearly very happy as he tilted his head upward once more, enough to rest that back of his skull lightly against Alfons. Science dorks indeed. Again, Alfons was the only person Ed was sure would both share and understand his breathless excitement "...it's fascinating, it really is..." he clearly hadn't heard Alfons making the same comment earlier "And you were holding out on me this long, huh? You jerk!"
Alfons; As Edward prattled on, Alfons listened, and when Edward sagged and leaned back against him, Alfons shut his eyes and savored it. There was peace in that moment, and he could pretend it had always been like this, and would always be like this.
But then Ed had to go and open his mouth again, snapping Alfons out of his little fantasy and back to the present, which irritated him. "I wasn't holding out on you. You just never asked, and you seemed busy enough with your brother and your Colonel and everyone else from your world." Oh, so so bitter, and he really wasn't even trying to hide that note in his voice.
Fortunately, Alfons changed the subject too swiftly for Edward to get in any commentary on that, lifting one arm from the other man's belt to pull the book out of Edward's flailing hand. "If you want to go through all this later, fine, but I had other plans in mind for right now." The book was tossed onto the desk.
"You wanted to know before, just what happened during your last stay here. Would you still like to know?" And he certainly wasn't giving Edward any extra personal space, merely tugging him back with him as Alfons took a step backwards.
Ed; Well, there was no ignoring that cutting tone regarding the people he knew from his own world, a scowl crossing his face. Of course he didn't like those words or the way they were uttered. He would have snapped something at Alfons if given the chance to do so, his gaze had tightened into a slight glare as he turned his head once more to try and focus the look onto Alfons. But he wasn't given the opportunity to protest.
The book being removed from him distracted him enough, his eyes following the way the notes went and heard the way it thumped heavily upon the desk. His stare lingered on it for a second or two before Alfons spoke again, turning to look at him with a strange feeling starting to bubble in his stomach. Something had shifted and it made him tense, uneasy and the last thing the other boy said wasn't helping that feeling.
But he was stubborn, his feet dug down slightly as Alfons moved one back, twisting his upper body to look at him better but otherwise keeping his back to him "...yeah I did. It's a little strange knowing I was here but I don't remember anything about it. But--" He took a step forward himself then, trying to tug himself free of Alfons' hold "Something isn't right. What's gotten into you? You can't still be pissed about earlier, I thought we cleared the air already."
Alfons; In a match of pure strength, Alfons wasn't foolish enough to believe he had a chance in hell, so he easily let Edward go when he tried to twist free, offering a frown in response.
"The air has been anything but clear between us since the moment you arrived, or are you really so dense? Maybe I'm just a better actor than even I realized. But believe me when I say nothing's gotten into me." More like something had left him, but really...semantics. "I'm offering to be honest and you assume I'm a little daft? Your faith in me is really touching." And no, that sarcastic drawl was not imagined.
His expression soured a bit as he turned away and reached for a medium sized box resting above his bookshelf, pointedly just out of Edward's reach. It wasn't light, though, so he was quick to dump it on the bed before ripping the lid off. Inside were photographs galore, most of them in framed, and most of them of Edward. There were a few group shots, including Winry and Alphonse, and there was even a picture of Hohenheim and Trisha in there...well, she looked more like Sloth if one inspected it more closely. Aside from the photos, there were unlabeled video tapes.
"This is what's left behind from your visit. These pictures?" He lifted up one of the framed photos. It was innocently candid, with Edward turned and clearly annoyed at being snuck up on. "I had these littered all over the apartment after you left! It looked ridiculous, but it was all I had left."
Ed; Whatever he was expecting, this revelation was not it by a long shot. As Alfons stepped away, Edward turned fully, watching him reach for the box and there was a strange jerk in his chest. The sight of it made him nervous and apparently with good reason. He wanted to dart over, shove a hand down on the lid no matter what was inside it. Suddenly, the curiosity was gone and he didn't want to know. He wanted to revert to his childish side, put his fingers in his ears, close his eyes, block it out, run. That container may well have actually be Pandora's box as far as he was concerned.
He watched the images fall onto the sheets in a splash of colour. He didn't dare come closer, didn't want to look at them in detail. Instead he backed up slightly, feeling his back hit the edge of the desk and his hands moved to grasp it tightly, quite sure that was the only thing keeping him up; he wasn't sure he trusted his legs to hold his weight in that moment.
Edward's mouth felt dry, his eyes wide and his insides felt like they were shaking nauseatingly as he dared to take a hand from the desk to put it to his mouth, his closing his eyes and bowing his head. He couldn't fucking remember. That was what was disturbing him the most. There was more to it, of course. Why were there so many? When was Winry there? Why was his father there? And his mother, no, it wasn't, but either way... He couldn't remember but there were so many photographs that it was difficult to deny being there. Regardless, as hard as he thought, he couldn't remember any of the events documented in those pictures.
"...I..." His mind had gone from being full of codes and theories to blanking out completely. What could he say? There was a million questions at once, they were mixing together and that just made it worse "...I can't remember..." He managed to mutter behind his hand, his eyes lowering to the floor. He couldn't look at them. It didn't make any damn sense. He felt like he was going to be sick...
Alfons; Alfons couldn't deny that he got a smug sense of satisfaction out of seeing Edward's dismay. He hoped there was guilt buried somewhere in all that obvious confusion. "I don't expect you to remember," he snapped. "If somebody comes back and they don't remember the City, they never regain those memories, as far as I've witnessed. I'm just showing you proof."
God, it was sickening. He had nearly turned his apartment into a shrine after Edward had left, hiding in his room and just watching those damned videos over and over until it all blended together into a blur of color and sound and he could no longer stay conscious. Those were the only times he had been able to sleep, and that had gone on for a month.
Alfons wasn't slow or careful as he walked over to Edward, reaching out and grabbing his wrist to yank his hand away from his mouth. "Don't be a coward. Look at me." His voice was ragged now as he gazed down at him, just barely able to restrain himself. "Do you really think I'm acting so strange now? This is me finally being honest with you. Ever since you've gotten here all I've been doing is playing the part of the good friend, acting as if nothing's changed between us. But I've been here for over a year, and believe me. I've changed. And a good part of that is because of you."
Ed; There was very little resistance presented to his arm being yanked and indeed he did look at Alfons. That was not the difficult part for him. Or at least, it wasn't until that moment. It was the bed and the photographs that had scared the hell out of him, not Alfons himself. Coming to the City had shaken him up, but finding there were people he knew and thought he'd lost had given him an odd sense of ease. He could relocate and readjust easily, the place itself wasn't a problem.
He closed his eyes again for a moment, trying to focus his thoughts before shaking his head because everything was so damn confusing and he lightly tried to yank his hand free.
"Alfons, you--" He lifted his eyes, locking them with the other boy's for a moment as he breath hitched in his throat. What the hell was he supposed to say? Damn it all. "You were... I mean, I didn't know! I had no damn idea, what was I expected to do? You didn't seem to stop wanting to me to stop by at all, how was I supposed to know? What--"
He felt his jaw clench, looking away to the side then "What the hell was I supposed to do if I didn't know... This is... this can't be--" He shook his head again. It couldn't be true, right? It couldn't be. There was that sickly feeling again just from glancing at the base of the bed, not even the top of it. He couldn’t look at that, it was hard enough to retain some control. The opposite direction seemed far more inviting to look at right then, the wall especially.
Alfons; He had to laugh bitterly at that, however curtly. "Don't be silly. The entire point was so that you didn't find out. I even had Mustang swear not to tell you anything." Of course, Alfons knew he probably hadn't had to, considering that would have lessened any slim chance the Colonel could ever have with him. Just thinking about it made him tense.
"Stop acting like this is some kind of punishment." He'd had his little fun with that, and he'd grown bored quickly. It wasn't very beneficial if Edward ended up traumatized and useless. And of course, there was the part of him that cared. He still had a heart, he just didn't follow it's rules to the letter.
His voice was soft now as he reached out to let his fingertips gently brush aside Ed's bangs. It was rare that he was allowed to see him so vulnerable. It was thrilling to know that he was the cause. "I'm just trying to make you understand. It's what you wanted, isn't it? It must be awful to have such a large gap in the memory... For me to know so much about you...and for you to know so little. But I'm not a cruel man, Edward. You know that. "
His hand was practically trembling as he cupped Edward's jaw, thumb brushing over his lips as he favored him with a heavy gaze. "I'll tell you everything you've forgotten... I'll show you everything you've missed."
Ed; The hole in his memory was indeed the part that was the most concerning about it all, the news itself was a very close second, however. The section of nothing between being in Germany and landing in the City where apparently everything Alfons was talking about had occurred terrified him. Fear of the unknown, for someone who craved knowledge what could be worse?
The first touch went without a flinch, but the second caused him to snap his gaze back to Alfons once more, again the touch didn't scare him as much as the words did and a kind of panic set in, his pupils contracting slightly as he tried to jerk back. A difficult feat even for an Alchemist of his talent when there was a desk directly behind him. His hands slipped against the papers strewn over the desktop, instead trying to pull his face free of the grasp.
"Alfons--! Wait, what the hell are you doing?" Perhaps a rhetorical question as a result of irrational confusion and finding himself caught in such a strange and difficult situation. This wasn't Alfons, it couldn't be. He knew him, he was sure of it. So what? Was he lying now, or before like he said he was? Or was it something else? A curse? What kind of curse would do this? His mind raced, heart pounded in his chest and part of him kept flickering his eyes to the door. It was tempting, so very tempting, and the more instinct took over the more appealing it was looking.
Ed; It was bad enough that Edward had to flinch away, but then he had the nerve to look towards he door like a scared rabbit? Did he think Alfons was blind? Frustrated and desperate, he grabbed for Ed's left arm to try and keep him secure. "If my touch that repelling or something?! Trust me, you very much liked it before."
His eyes softened then, just a touch, almost nostalgic as he loosened his grip and leaned in, breath hot against Edward's ear. "And don't act like it's the first time. There is one memory even this place couldn't have taken." He was trying, so very much trying, to make this pleasant. Why did Edward have to be so difficult? Why did he have to make it seem repulsive?
"I've gotten sick of staying quiet, and looking at you and not being able to touch you. The most I could manage was to touch that right hand of yours when you weren't looking, since I knew you couldn't feel it. I tried to be content with that, but I'm only human and I'm... I'm very tired." And he did sound tired, he sounded worn, and he sounded desperate.
Ed; Ed whipped a glare back to Alfons, genuinely angered by something he'd said and clenching his fist without moving to pull his arm free of the other teen's grasp "Of course I don't find your touch repelling, what the hell do you take me for?! But this is--"
He paused, the breath against his ear breaking his voice abruptly and made him shudder against his will. His eyes fell closed, frowning to himself as Alfons spoke against his flesh that way. One memory? What did he mean? He didn't dare ask about that. Really, he'd had enough of unexpected answers to questions to last him for at least five years. There was a lump in his throat that he forced down heavily, golden eyes opening as he slid a look toward the other boy.
"But I don't remember, Alfons." He said again, but more clearly this time as he stared at Alfons as directly as he was able "And what am I supposed to think having this kind of news dumped on me so suddenly when there's a big gaping hole where those memories should have been?" He gave a breathy, humourless chuckle and a strange, weak and disbelieving smile "You've got to admit, if you were in my position you'd be pretty freaked out as well, right?"
There was a sense he was trying to appeal to Alfons' sense. He knew he had some and if he could he really would like to avoid shoving him away.
Alfons; That made Alfons pause, and as Edward had hoped, he drew back. Not by much, but at least at this distance the situation might have seemed less threatening. "...You're right. It's a lot to hear. In your shoes, I would have trouble understanding it, but..."
In this, at least, Alfons wasn't lying. In fact, he had hardly lied this entire time...merely spoken things he had never wanted to even acknowledge himself. "I have faith in you. If I was in your shoes, and if my two options were to think you were lying or telling the truth, why on earth would I assume you're lying? By default, you have my trust."
And he looked...almost hurt. And that too was not a lie. But that didn't mean he was going to stop simply because Edward was being stupid and hurtful. "You have faith in me, don't you? You can even go confirm it with the Colonel if you want. Or," and then there was a grin as he leaned back in. "I can simply prove it to you myself. I know your body inside and out. I know where you like to be touched, and I most certainly know where you don't."
Ed was always brutally honest when he didn't like something, after all, and Alfons didn't care to get pinched by Edward's right hand ever again.
Ed; A weight seemed to fall from his shoulder, a kind of relief settling as Edward felt Alfons pull back a way. Indeed, the sense of danger had diminished somewhat. But the questioning made him feel worse again. Of course Alfons was right; what reason had Edward ever had not to trust him. They may have had heated disagreements, flat out arguments even, but nothing that had ever given him reason to question Alfons in terms of trust. Common sense? Sure! He'd questioned him on that, but no, never trust.
The expression the German boy had on his face in turn wasn't helping Edward's guilt, in fact it only drove it a little deeper into his gut, twisted a little, made him want to physically wince. And there was more? Mustang? Edward's eyes twitched in a kind of confusion, then narrowed in a strange, unreadable manner. If what Alfons was saying was true, even this, then Roy knew. He'd known and hadn't mentioned it. Neglecting information? Apparently Hawkeye wasn't the only one who had experienced the Colonel withholding information. Really, with their history Ed shouldn't have been surprised. There were often times Edward felt the desire to punch the Colonel in the face, but never so much as in that moment.
However, the anger was cut short as he noticed Alfons was once again back in his personal space, a strange smirk on his lips and words falling from them that made his golden eyes go wide in shock. Dense though he was, Edward was still human and with such obvious implications there was no way he could stop a blush rushing to his cheeks. His mouth fell open slightly, a few wordless noises coming from him as though completely stunned before shaking his head and trying to firm his expression once more, with difficulty.
"H-hey! Wait a second here! For a start, of course I have faith in you! Don't for a moment think I don't, but you gotta admit this is a lot to swallow, especially in a place as insane as this! The logic is all twisted as it is, not to mention the curse days hitting at random. You said yourself, you've been here almost a year and whatever way you slice it I haven't." He could feel his heart racing, but the longer he could distract the subject from his own body and how well Alfons apparently knew it the better. Even if he pissed Alfons off, even if he ended up punching him, anything to draw the conversation away from that subject.
Alfons; This wasn't working. Alfons had known Edward would be difficult, but he was starting to think that maybe it really wasn't worth all this damn trouble. It's not like he could physically force Edward. He might have had a better chance if not for the alchemy, but with that opposition Alfons knew he would lose the fight. He could always go out and find someone else. Anyone else.
But, something about this man had always enraptured him, nearly to the point of obsession. The only thing that had ever countered that was his obsession with his work...and since that wasn't really a factor here in the City, what did he have left?
"Let's try a different approach." He stepped back, taking Edward's hand and pulling him off of the desk so that they were both standing. Edward was a survivor after all, and if Alfons didn't corner him, he might feel less like escaping. "Ignore the year I just spoke of. Ignore that you don't remember being here, and that I do. Think about this, just this... You and me. We work well together, don't we? We've lived together, challenged one another, and have seen each other at some of our best and worst times."
His free hand lifted to tip Edward's chip up a little. "Have you never thought about it? Not even once? Please don't try and dodge the question, either."
Ed; Again, for a time Edward was speechless. He stared at Alfons in a state of mild bewilderment before giving a strange, flustered kind of noise, like he was trying to say too many things and once and it just came out as an random noise of frustration. He set a look upon the blond then, looking like he was torn between shouting at him and begging him for some kind of real clarification for all this.
A slight sigh moved through his nose as he glanced off to the side. The conversation made him undoubtedly uncomfortable. There didn't seem to be any right answer to give and when it came to matters of attraction he was almost painfully dense with realising it. His mind just wasn't built that way. Some areas of common sense had been replaced with extended understanding of complex subjects, his attitudes were often stuck somewhere between childish and forced maturity. He just didn't get it and he really did need it spelt out for him like this and when it was, as he was discovering, it scared the hell out of him because there was no logic with emotion. He didn't know how to react. And he was pinned down to answer. Don't try and dodge, huh? Bastard. Alfons really did know him well.
"...I haven't..." He admitted finally, turning his eyes back to Alfons once more "I don't think about stuff like that. I haven't done with anyone I don't think. And sure, we work well together... When we're not fighting over something. We've had blazing fights in the past." And in spite of the situation and the light hold Alfons had, Ed had to smile. There were some great memories between them, even the raging arguments.
Alfons; Didn't think about 'stuff like that'? Alfons couldn't believe that... And the arguments? Those had come from passion. Everything coming out of Ed's mouth was just an excuse. Had he really expected anything else? ...Maybe. But he hadn't gotten his hopes up.
"Oh, Edward..." His voice was frightfully soft, gaze unreadable as he stared at the other. "You certainly don't do much for a man's self-esteem. Do you want to know why I've done my best to keep you at a distance since your arrival here? Not telling you a thing of modern rocketry or introducing you to anyone in my life?"
He shoved him roughly, then, not caring if it damaged the lamp on his desk or not, but despite the sudden fury now revealed in his expression, his voice remained quiet and disturbingly collected. "Because I couldn't stand to make you a part of it again, because of that answer. But you didn't care. You just kept pushing, insisting that you wouldn't leave me alone. Because you're selfish. Do you even understand what you do to me? I see you and I remember how you looked lying in bed just as the sun's rising. I hear you and I remember how you sounded when you were beneath me, demanding more. I touch you, and..."
There was a shake of his head, then, followed by a bitter chuckle as he looked down, if only to hide the misery he was too proud to reveal. "And all you can do is make excuses. It's always something with you, isn't it. You fancy yourself quite the explorer, wanting to learn about the unknown...yet you won't even give me a second chance."
Ed; "Ahh--!" He felt his back hit the desk again, giving a light hiss of discomfort and vaguely hearing the clatter of the lamp against the wooden desktop. His hand moved back to steady himself, slipping a few times on the papers beneath them and sending them flying but finally catching himself properly. His bangs fell in front of his eyes for a time, breath forcing out from between his gritted teeth and the more Alfons spoke the more his lips turned to a kind of tense snarl. His hand snapped forward then before he could stop it, grabbing Alfons by the collar and yanking him forward dangerously close as he growled faintly, feeling his arm shaking with… something. Anger or nerves, or both.
"I told you, how the hell could I have come here, discovered you were here too and not come to see you? What the hell do you take me for, Alfons, huh?!" Emotions were dangerous things, he'd always known that, but sadly he'd never been one to pick up the warning signs for them "You expected me to just sit and pretend you weren't here? That I didn't know you at all? Were you expecting me to just ignore you? What?!"
There was a shaky intake of breath, a weak attempt to recollect himself but it failed, his grip only tightened, his eyes narrowed and his jaw stung from how hard he could feel his back teeth forced against each other.
"And it may be a second chance to you, but it's not to me. I can't make myself remember any of this stuff you're telling me, damn it! No matter how hard I try, I can't. You've made it pretty clear what you remember, but I don't, got it?! Everything in this City I'm seeing for the first time and even the people I thought I knew aren't all the same. It can't be a second chance to me because I don't feel like I've even gone through it once!"
Alfons; He was such a brat. The urge to hurt him was immeasurable, then. To hurt him as much as he'd been hurt. "You won't even give me a first chance!" he yelled, certainly not caring if Franca was home or not, and he reached up to try and wrench Ed's hand free, but he knew it was futile.
"So because you can't remember it, I'm just supposed to forget because you find it uncomfortable?! That you're free from responsibility because you can't recall what you put me through? Goodness, I'm sorry to have troubled you! I'll just act like it never happened and you can continue on your ignorant way, while I sit here alone for all eternity, dying over and over again until I'm permitted the mercy of a true death!"
No, he wanted to do more than hurt him. He wanted to kill him. Why did Alfons have to be the one to die? Why did he have to be sick? Why was it Edward who got all the breaks? "Stop complaining about how hard it is for you because you can't remember, and take some time to think how hard it is for those who do! You act like your life has been nothing but hardships, but at least you still know what it's like to have a pulse! Get over yourself!"
Ed; "DAMN IT! That's not what I was--!" He stopped mid-snap, suddenly looking winded and in many ways he was. Of course he knew Alfons was dead, but it was easy to forget when they stood before you in that way. The City fucked with his head enough as it was but this?
His grip loosened a little, but didn't release as he stared at the other teen through wide eyes. Honestly, he would have rather Alfons have literally kicked him in the stomach or something because his words were far worse than anything physical he could throw at him. Of course, he was bratty, he was selfish and he was pretty short-sighted at times, but a lot of the time his feelings and his attempts to express them didn't quite match. This was one such occasion.
"I..." He began, his hand at Alfons' collar starting to shake a little once more, this time certainly not from anger "I didn't mean... That wasn't what I was... I wasn't..." His shoulders sagged, head bowed low as he felt something very uncomfortable pad around and settle itself down heavily in the pit of his stomach. Guilt. Edward knew it well and there was not mistaking it.
"I didn't mean it like that." He said after trying to find his thoughts "I didn't say anything about asking you to forget or anything like that. But I--"
It kept echoing in his head that Alfons was dead and trapped. Not only that, he was suffering and it was his fault. The fact he couldn't remember what he'd done made it terrible to him. Normally, Edward knew when he had hurt Alfons feelings off the bat- usually because his pride made him stubborn and made him cling to his opinion even if he knew he was wrong. Normally when they fought, he knew because all his actions and words were his own and he could recall it later, but he couldn't remember this time and it put him in a lose-lose situation. It was distressing in many ways, but Alfons had certainly put things in painful perspective.
"...what the hell am I supposed to do, Alfons?" He muttered, head still lowered "I can't restore your life and I can't kill you properly, I would never want to even if I could. Never. I can't remember what happened before and you do. I can't take those away from you or restore them for me. But I'm meant to just wade into a situation like this blindly when I'm not even sure what I was supposed to have done before? Is that honestly what you want me to do?" He paused, shaking his head before lifting his head a short way, not enough to really look at Alfons however.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?"
Alfons; Poor, poor Edward. Was he expecting Alfons to sympathize with him? He couldn't. He never would. This was the person who had been thrown into his life uninvited, and in months, sped through classes and lectures that should have taken years. Alfons was forced to tolerate his backwards thinking, wondering how such a suspicious and seemingly insane person could be so brilliant. It had made Alfons feel humbled in it's wake, and that alone was frustrating. And then came Edward's stories, tales of alchemy and adventures and some person with a face and name like his only not.
Who do you see when you look at me? He had wanted to ask it, had tried not to care, had done his best to simply acknowledge him as a colleague and eventually a roommate. But Edward had been a tornado, and Alfons had been helpless in it's wake. Had it really gotten him anything other than trouble? Death? The loss of hopes and dreams that Alfons had aspired to accomplish for years?
It wasn't the illness killing me. It was you! He took advantage of Edward's moment of weakness then, grabbing his shoulder and pushing, twisting until he could kick his legs right out from under him. Oh, Alfons had done more than bake cookies and read since coming here.
But even after knocking Ed to the floor, he made no other move, simply resting his hand against his shoulder and sitting there, looking down at him. That had simply been payback for wrinkling his damned shirt. There was hardly any malice in it...was there? Still, it made his breathing harder and his chest tighten.
"You aren't wading in blindly, Edward." He was crooning, now, using the soft and soothing tone he always did when trying to console someone dear. "I'm here, and I'm offering to help. I'm just asking you to cooperate."
Ed; The floor was as inviting as he could possibly have expected it to be but the fact Alfons had gotten him there in the first place was quite surprising. It wasn't like Edward had ever considered Alfons weak in any sense of the word, not even when it came to his illness, but he certainly hadn't been expecting that.
He remained quite still for a time, staring up at Alfons in return, his mind racing with possibilities of what he should do. Nothing he could think of would make this easy. To shove Alfons away would hurt him, to submit would be like taking pity on him, to try and bloke it out would be an insult, to try and return it would feel like lying when Edward felt so unsure.
The tone being used didn't help either, the words even less so. Cooperate? It really didn't feel as simple as all that. It didn't seem right, didn't seem like the Alfons he knew really at all. The nature of the fight was different, the low blows weren't like the ones Ed was used to, everything felt a little turned at an angle. And yet, oh yes, he questioned himself and how well he thought he knew Alfons. He'd been in the City almost a year? How much changed in a year? Well for one he'd learnt how to get someone down on the floor with ease and there was most likely more. The whole damn situation made him question what he knew, thought he so sure of, everything. He hated it.
"You're here, sure," he said with a frown as he tried to sit up, difficult with the weight of Alfons’ hand on his shoulder "But you're not at the same time."
Alfons; It hit more than he expected it to; more than he wanted it to. And his eyes narrowed, his teeth grit, and he pressed harder against his shoulder. "Is that right? Do you think you have me all figured out? To kick a man when he's on his knees, practically begging? You twisted my work, tarnished my reputation, and destroyed my life. Do you really think you have any right to judge me?"
Both hands moved to Edward's neck, then, squeezing. His weakness was in his lungs, not in his arms. And though he wasn't as strong as Edward, he knew where to press. Of course, Edward could easily throw him off and escape, could kill him if he'd had the guts. But Alfons was being unreasonable, as he had lost all reason.
"You should have been the one to die!"
Ed; The years spent training had never been forgotten, it was all burnt into his instinct and he could still summon it whenever he wished. There had been little need for it in Alfons' world and even less call to use it on the boy himself. Clumsy punches to the jaw, that was the most it ever came to normally.
But even if the words stung, made his heart feel like Alfons had grabbed and jerked it to a painful angle, the hands at his throat triggered reaction. Even if Alfons was right he wasn't going to question it now. He was alive and even though the other boy was likely the only person who perhaps did have a kind of right to snuff out Edward's life on some level he could not allow it.
A shocked noise choked up from him before he moved his right hand suddenly, hard fingers coiling around Alfons' arm and yanking. Hard. His left leg pushed up with the other movement, shoving quite roughly against the other boy to push him off, flipping him over to instead leave Edward straddling his middle and pinning his arms down firmly against the floor above his head.
"I may not have you all figured out, but I damn well know when you're not being yourself! You may be right, I most likely should have died so many times already, but..." He took a deep, shaky breath before levelling Alfons with a firm stare "While I feel guilty for everything else I've done to you, will no doubt keep doing to you, I can't be sorry for that. I'm alive, against all odds. I am alive and I while I do regret you're not too, I'm not sorry that I am."
He lowered his head a little, pressing his forehead to Alfons' as he closed his eyes, trying to keep it together. "It's the one thing I really can't give you. Just about anything else there's always a possibility, but that? That, I can't. And I know you wouldn't take it from me either." Opening his eyes again, he stared at the other boy at that close proximity "I know you wouldn't. So where are you, Alfons?"
Alfons; He had known it was coming, of course, in the back of his head. Known he couldn't really kill Edward, not like that. There was that gun Faye had given him forever and a day ago, but that was snug beneath his mattress, where he had previously hoped never to have a need for it. This counted as need, right?
The inquiry made him grimace and try to pull back, but there was nowhere else to go. There was just the floor and Edward, and he was so close. He could lose himself in those eyes. This wasn't want, or desire... This was need. It was something that was impossible to escape, and the only way to fix it was acquire what you needed.
He needed Edward.
He needed Edward dead.
And then he could never leave. He'd know what it was like to be trapped, and to forget what real warmth was, to sometimes confuse the City's ticking for your own heart beat, and to realize that no matter what you did here to make some kind of impact...nothing ever really mattered.
Alfons considered punching him. It would have been a struggle to free his hand but not impossible, and Alfons might have enough time to reach for the bed. Bruising that perfect face would feel oh-so-satisfying. You think you know everything? But he knew he would have a better chance if he acted...less homicidal. You caught more bees with honey, right? Besides, he was so close he was just begging for it, and even if he knew the alchemist's reaction would damage his pride even more, he knew it was better than trying to best Ed in a fist fight.
So he kissed him. It only required closing the distance by a mere couple inches, and a soft pressure, and he hated himself for enjoying this small and sick moment. You aren't allowed to pity me. You aren't allowed to care for me. I'm not even alive, so how can I exist? The sympathy is false, because I am nothing.
Ed; It was impossible for time to literally freeze, but that was what it felt like then.
His eyes went wide and his pupils small as he found himself shocked still. It sent something shooting through him, nothing he knew to speak of or could recall but undoubtedly something. It ran over his lips and dispersed instantly over ever nerve of his body. It was like lightening, which logically was impossible, but it was what it reminded him of all the same.
And while it surprised him, it didn’t repulse him and maybe that scared him. It was certainly enough to make him jerk backward to a sit and whip a hand to his mouth, his breath uneven and hot against the gloved palm pressed over his lips as he stared down at Alfons utterly silent.
It shut down most of his brain for a time, left him with a few seconds where he was almost completely open with only one thing going through his mind What the fuck was that? He didn’t shoot across the room of anything, only sat up and touched the hand to his mouth, but he hadn’t thought any of this through or what he was going to do next. His thoughts were stuck on that one in particular and aside from the pounding of his heartbeat it was almost like there was nothing else in existence.
Alfons; The look on Edward's face was priceless, and Alfons wanted very much to analyze it, but he knew he didn't have the time. He couldn't waste a minute, no matter how alluring the prospect of kissing him once more was. If not for the threat of that damned alchemy, he would have had his way long ago.
Alfons might have never really know what it was like to get his way, but he could at least try to make sure Ed wouldn't get his. He struck quickly, not as hard as an experienced fighter might have, but he'd dealt with enough crap in this city to know how to punch, and Edward's frozen face was the prime target.
As soon he was free from underneath the other, Alfons scrambled up and reached for his mattress, the adrenaline rush being the only thing that kept him from slowing down. He had to strain to find it, as for some reason he had seen fit to hide it near the middle, but as soon as he felt the cold steel, he whipped around to aim carefully, clicking the safety off. He certainly wasn't practiced at this, so he knew he might have to shoot twice or thrice just to make sure.
He knew that even with Ed's alchemy, it was a very fragile situation. Could he use it before Alfons fired off a shot? The young man kept his grip tight, and there was no wavering. "I'm right here, Edward. I've always been right here. You just never took the time to notice."
Ed; The impact sent him backward, but on the plus it brought him around pretty sharpish... And he was greeted by a gun pointed in his direction. Some deity had better think this whole mess was hilarious because Edward was not seeing the humour at all.
It was a dangerous situation, even if Edward had seen his fair share of guns aimed at him. This was Alfons, though. It wasn't as simple as other situations, and they were normally out in the open, not in a bedroom. He had to ignore his other concerns until later, shove them to the side, stamp them down and focus.
Screw it. He could either wait to see if Alfons dared to fire a shot or several or he could do something. A noise broke the silence, palms clapping together before slamming down upon the wood floor. The alchemy charged through the material, sending a wave through it with the intent of knocking Alfons off his feet again, just long enough for Edward to dart over and get the damn gun away from him. Sure, it was going to mess up the room terribly and turn the floor into a strange wooden wave that would maybe turn the bed over slightly... But he'd fix it later.
Alfons; He didn't really know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. If it wasn't currently being used against him, he would have taken the time to be properly amazed. But instead it just forced him off balance, sprawled on the floor once more where the bed was supposed to be, but it had been shoved into an odd angle, forcing the box, videos, and photographs to slip off and cover the floor.
Dazed, he didn't even see Edward until he was on top of him and wrenching the gun free from his loosened grip. Alfons tried desperately to hold on, to fire and hope to God it connected, but Edward's experience and strength was simply too much. Which left him sitting in a mess of paper and glass, nails digging into the warped wood and undeniable loathing in the glower he pinned Edward with. Perhaps the line between love and hate was as thin as they said.
But the over-exertion had taken it's toll, and Alfons' body couldn't keep up with his mind. A moment later he was forced to shut his eyes and hunch over, covering his mouth as he felt that familiar burn sizzle through his lungs and scorch his throat, and this time the coughs were not dry. He could have laughed, had he the energy, at how ridiculous it was to choke on your lack of air when you were deceased.
Ed; There was almost a moment where Edward would have felt satisfied at the way it all came together in the end. He could have smirked down at Alfons, made some cocky comment as he sent the gun spinning across whatever flat section of the floor remained and away out of sight.
It could have been very morbidly pleasing indeed, but that cough stopped him short. The threatening grin faded, the words he was going to blurt out triumphantly gone and there was only concern as he moved back slightly to give the other teen some space.
"Alfons!" Even if he moved back, Edward hadn't moved again and his hands came to his shoulders. Despite everything, the harsh words, the attempted homicide and the invasion of personal space, Ed was sure the City itself had a hand in it and as such he couldn't turn and walk away from his friend when he was in such a state. It even distracted him from letting his eyes wander over the photographs strewn across the floor where he knelt beside Alfons. Enough. Please. Enough has to be enough.
Alfons; The touch made him hiss and jerk back, unable to say what he wanted to right then as it was all he could do to keep from gagging on his own blood. The convulsions finally got weaker, and as he wiped his sleeve against his mouth, Alfons spat out in a voice so raspy it was nigh unrecognizable.
"Get out." What was this? Pity for the man who tried to kill him? For being so bright, Edward sure was dim. Not to mention insulting. "Get out or I'll find a way to kill you, alchemy be damned!"
Ed; Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, partly wanting to punch Alfons right in the face again but thought better of it. The idea of walking out made him feel like he was ignoring the whole damn thing and that didn't sit well with him. "Tch! You've not the first one to say that and you won't be the last I'm sure. But just for that I'm going to leave the damn room in this state until you're in a better frame of mind."
The blond allowed his glare to linger for a moment, then stood up slowly, crossing the room in the direction that he'd sent the gun to collect it. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of leaving it there with Alfons like that. As he headed to the door his hand rested in the frame and he paused, sighing before shooting a look over his shoulder.
"Next time I won't hesitate. I'll just break your arm or jaw or something, got it?" It was easier to act tough like that for the time being, but Edward had an overwhelming sense that when he was out the apartment and alone that would certainly not the be the case. Shaken to the core didn't even come close to explaining it.
Alfons; All Edward got in response was a light snarl as Alfons struggled to keep from collapsing in yet another fit. It wasn't until he heard the front door close that he gasped and slumped to his side, fingers digging into his shirt and twisting more with each racking cough. It was easier when he was alone, because there was nobody around to watch or listen. Nobody to look at him as a pitiful creature or a hopeless burden.
This sickness might have made him weak, but he would not stay that way.
Lying there, he stared at the photographs and broken frames strewn every which way, and one specifically caught his clouded gaze. Alfons' movements were slow and taxing, but he managed to snatch it up and peer. Cirucci, Hansel, and Gretel. ...Right. That damnable bitch had also condemned him. With a huff, he stood and crinkled the picture into a ball before tossing it in the direction of the trash can new tipped on it's side. He really ought to pay the Thunderwitch a visit.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.