I found him and i'm keeping him.

[tampasweetie]

After all the crap we've been through, I can't say sorry enough for hurting Justin. I hurt him pretty bad on several occasions over the last month and a half, different things, but hurtful in every way. Intentional or not, I still hurt him. And After all the bullshit, he has given me a clean slate. Still doesn't help the hurt from disappearing. To be honost, four days ago, I had a MAJOR panic attack. It lasted about two days. And its been creeping up on me for a few weeks now. He went back to gaming, while i was out searching for a job. This panic attack was a bad one, and i literally PANIC'd. I disappeared for a night and tried to get my head straight. After long talks with both Justin and my mother, i came to the realization that I never want to be with anyone else ever again. Mind you we're both open to having fun, but NEVER the thought of leaving him. We ARE meant to be together, and we ARE going to spend the rest of our life together.There isn't anyone else out there that gives a damn about me like Justin does, There is noone out there that can kiss me like Justin can. Bottom line, there is no other Justin out there. He is the one. The one i married, and no matter what happens we will always stand behind each other. I am young, and i do panic easily, and before him i was always used to just getting someone new. Well, marriage is different. You don't do that. I won't do that. You get scared, you are honost, you open up and show your emotions to your husband and you work on the issues together. If there is a problem you work it out. and by god, you fucking work it out! It takes two people. And i'm ashamed to say that i let my fears get the best of me. I never want to let Justin go. EVER. And, fuck me if i'm right, but DAMN, I won't EVER let him go. The only person leaving from here on out would be Justin. I know what i want, and i know how to keep it. I already have it dammit, and i won't ever try to wander from the path again. I'm young and I'm constantly learning how to get through things. I'm constantly learning how to do things the RIGHT way, instead of just hitting the easy button. I fuck up. I make mistakes. It's only human. The only difference you can make is by learning from your mistakes and moving forward with another lesson learned.

Justin is the one person.
My soulmate.
I found him and i'm keeping him.

Just had to get that rant out of my head for now.....

Happy New Year... Last year went by quickly, lets hope this year takes its time! I have alot of living and learning to do! especially working and making our family bigger!!! so damn it better take its time!!!!