I'm scared to eat and scared to weigh myself
I haven't eaten anything today so far. I really haven't had an appetite but the thought of eating keeps popping up. I have been able to brush it off but I'm not sure how much longer I can last. I have great intentions on eating healthy. Last night when I got off from the 2nd job, I went to the grocery store and bought bananas and apples. Pretty good right? Well, I also bought some gummy life savers that I devoured in the car on the way home. They were sooo good and only 325 cals.
I managed to make it home and go to sleep without b/ping last night. I can tell the difference this morning. I feel lighter, my stomach looks a lttle flatter. I want to know if I've actually lost any weight, but I'm so scared of being disappointed. If I haven't lost weight, I know it will trigger me to say F&$* it and b/p. I b/ped 2x yesterday I really needed the break last night.
I want to eat. Maybe a bowl of cereal, maybe a couple of pieces of fruit but I'm so scared that once I start eating, I won't be able to stop.
I hate this. I'm almost in tears because I just want to be able to eat a light snack and be through with it. Unfortunately I know it's not the case. I will continue to think about the rest of the food in the kitchen. Keeping healthy food in my house hasn't been successful in the past. I'll binge on pretty much anything. Not keeping food in the house has not helped either. That just causes me to waste a lot of money at fast food or even regular restaruants.
WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?