Bulima is ruining my judgement

[tammy00]

I was supposed to have a meeting at 9am at another clinic but it has been rescheduled until 1:30pm today.  After receiving the phone call from my boss about the meeting being rescheduled I thought "Ooh, now I get to b/p on the breakfast tacos".  This is not the thought that should've popped up in my head.  Why didn't I think, "Ooh, I can go back home and go to sleep"?  Now after eating 3 of the breakfast tacos, I'm freezing and I will have to try to purge at work.  When I had the idea originally it was supposed to be done very early in the morning BEFORE everyone else go to work and before the clients got here.  Now, I have to deal with the risk of the bathrooms not being clean and someone hearing me.  None of this made sense.  Why couldn't I have just gone back home or just gone straight to my office?  Why can't I just be normal?  Did I really have to eat all 3 tacos?  I waited a little while before eating the 3rd one.  Was it really necessary for me to finish it?  Why couldn't I just eat 1 and then save the other two for tomorrow morning and Thursday morning?  Right now I'm contemplating on whether or not I'm going to go through with the purging at here at work or if I want to go back home.  I'm worried that someone will notice that I'm going somewhere.  I guess I could play it off by going to another location within my agency and actually working.  Of course this would be done AFTER I go home and purge.  Hmm, come to think about it, I think that's a great idea.  I'm going to go back home to purge and then go to another location and stay there until I have to attend my 1:30pm meeting.

Okay, I'm such a retard.  I'm back at home now.  I realized while driving that I forgot to post this to my journal.  After I finished typing I just shut down my computer and headed home.  So I guess the purple text is the updated info from 9:45am.  Anyway, I've purged most of the tacos.  I have a little bit left to go.