(no subject)
I just finished eating the 2 breakfast tacos. They were so good. Now I look deformed. As I look down at my body, I see 3 rolls (I know this probably doesn't make much sense but I don't have enough brain power right now to think). The first roll is from my breast, the second roll is my stomach and the third roll is still my stomach as it's being cut into 2 pieces due to my pants.
My stomach is now starting to hurt a bit. I guess this is due to the food that wasn't purged from yesterday. I had a breakfast taco, sushi for lunch, mexican buffet for happy hour (about 4 enchiladas and chips and queso, which isn't bad compared to what usually happens when I'm at a buffet) and 2 margaritas (small ones). Looking back at it, it really wasn't that bad. Definitely NOT a binge in any of the settings, just bad that I didn't purge any of it because now my body is holding on to the food. The only positive thing I can think of is that at least I started off the weak without a b/p. I still haven't decided whether or not I want to keep these breakfast tacos in that I just ate. If I do, I will continue to feel horribly bloated and depressed. If I don't, I will feel relieved but not off to a good start for the week. Logically, 2 ham, egg, and cheese tacos with salsa isn't bad. However, in reality, it's bad for me to dwell on it.
I made it to work early again today. I'm proud of that but now I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to go lay in my bed and wait for my time to be up in this world. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. My clothes are no longer fitting properly. When will it get to the point to where I actually can't take anymore and make a change? I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT!!!!! I've been there and done that. I vowed that I would never go back.
Last night I prayed for God to gforgive me for my sins and asked that he just take me to Heaven to be with Him. Unfortunatlely I woke up this morning still here.
My stomach is now starting to hurt a bit. I guess this is due to the food that wasn't purged from yesterday. I had a breakfast taco, sushi for lunch, mexican buffet for happy hour (about 4 enchiladas and chips and queso, which isn't bad compared to what usually happens when I'm at a buffet) and 2 margaritas (small ones). Looking back at it, it really wasn't that bad. Definitely NOT a binge in any of the settings, just bad that I didn't purge any of it because now my body is holding on to the food. The only positive thing I can think of is that at least I started off the weak without a b/p. I still haven't decided whether or not I want to keep these breakfast tacos in that I just ate. If I do, I will continue to feel horribly bloated and depressed. If I don't, I will feel relieved but not off to a good start for the week. Logically, 2 ham, egg, and cheese tacos with salsa isn't bad. However, in reality, it's bad for me to dwell on it.
I made it to work early again today. I'm proud of that but now I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to go lay in my bed and wait for my time to be up in this world. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. My clothes are no longer fitting properly. When will it get to the point to where I actually can't take anymore and make a change? I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT!!!!! I've been there and done that. I vowed that I would never go back.
Last night I prayed for God to gforgive me for my sins and asked that he just take me to Heaven to be with Him. Unfortunatlely I woke up this morning still here.