DEEP THOUGHTS!
Epiphany #1
so i think i've been feeling a lot better lately. but now in retrospect of the past few weeks i realize that i am pretty dramatic! and mood swingy. in light of this new better mood though, i've realized a lot of other things, like that i don't have time to sit and wait for things to hopefully work out for the better, and now is the time to make stuff happen! overall, i've been a pretty shitty person for a couple months and now is time to "suck out the poison" in reference to mean girls. it's gonna suck for a long time, but in the end itll be all better.
Epiphany #2
pretty much all throughout my life i've been the champion for the individual, heck i even just wrote my sat essay on justifying the emphasis on individual accomplishments. just looking over all my passions and things i do in life - piano, art, running, school; its just all about bringing the person next to you down, being your own support system as well as your biggest critic. if not all that, just being the best. so then i met a good friend of mine who was all about teams, and groups of friends and other things like that. being the faux-independent, im-too-good-for-this person i am, i guess i kind of shrugged that sort of thing off...that individual accomplishments were greater than something achieved by more than one. so then today i watched a soccer game..a fairly important match, with their awesome coach on his last year, (technically i missed it) but they won, and with a pretty epic goal apparently too. so now i can imagine this to be possibly the greatest feeling in the world...not just of the scorer of the winning goal, or the goalie who made some incredible saves; but for the whole team. to have this one blinding moment of ecstasy, pride, everything possible..and to be able to share that with so many people at once? now that must be pretty awesome. it makes me kind of sad to think though, that i missed out on that sort of bond with a team when i was younger, because maybe i'd be a little different now. lately i've realized more than ever that i feel this incessant need to always be the best, and things upset me the most when i let myself down. and also some pretty selfish things too; like that i can't seem to feel genuinely happy for people who beat me out on things that i for some reason feel like i deserve, how i always feel like i need to put down others for stuff that cant be helped; i really just want to put an end to it all.
i think these past few months, from about the second half of last year to around now have really been a turbulent time. i've lost touch with some people, made mistakes, but all while gaining some pretty important experiences and learning valuable life lessons. but all in all, i think i consider myself fortunate to have learned all these things now; while im young, and when it comes time for turning over a new leaf in college, ill be ready for the anything.
so i think i've been feeling a lot better lately. but now in retrospect of the past few weeks i realize that i am pretty dramatic! and mood swingy. in light of this new better mood though, i've realized a lot of other things, like that i don't have time to sit and wait for things to hopefully work out for the better, and now is the time to make stuff happen! overall, i've been a pretty shitty person for a couple months and now is time to "suck out the poison" in reference to mean girls. it's gonna suck for a long time, but in the end itll be all better.
Epiphany #2
pretty much all throughout my life i've been the champion for the individual, heck i even just wrote my sat essay on justifying the emphasis on individual accomplishments. just looking over all my passions and things i do in life - piano, art, running, school; its just all about bringing the person next to you down, being your own support system as well as your biggest critic. if not all that, just being the best. so then i met a good friend of mine who was all about teams, and groups of friends and other things like that. being the faux-independent, im-too-good-for-this person i am, i guess i kind of shrugged that sort of thing off...that individual accomplishments were greater than something achieved by more than one. so then today i watched a soccer game..a fairly important match, with their awesome coach on his last year, (technically i missed it) but they won, and with a pretty epic goal apparently too. so now i can imagine this to be possibly the greatest feeling in the world...not just of the scorer of the winning goal, or the goalie who made some incredible saves; but for the whole team. to have this one blinding moment of ecstasy, pride, everything possible..and to be able to share that with so many people at once? now that must be pretty awesome. it makes me kind of sad to think though, that i missed out on that sort of bond with a team when i was younger, because maybe i'd be a little different now. lately i've realized more than ever that i feel this incessant need to always be the best, and things upset me the most when i let myself down. and also some pretty selfish things too; like that i can't seem to feel genuinely happy for people who beat me out on things that i for some reason feel like i deserve, how i always feel like i need to put down others for stuff that cant be helped; i really just want to put an end to it all.
i think these past few months, from about the second half of last year to around now have really been a turbulent time. i've lost touch with some people, made mistakes, but all while gaining some pretty important experiences and learning valuable life lessons. but all in all, i think i consider myself fortunate to have learned all these things now; while im young, and when it comes time for turning over a new leaf in college, ill be ready for the anything.