Year in Review
So towards the end of every year, I always find myself looking back to the prior 360 or so days and rating it against the other years of my life. 2006 proved to be quite the trying of years. Probably among the worst yet. For a deeper look at the highs and lows ... or just more rambling by yours truly
Going back to the beginning of 2006 we come upon a scene of a family headed for crisis. My grandmother was in the hospital and being told that she would not be able to go home again because she was not able to take care of herself or even be without nurses 24 hours a day. My family wanted to put her in a home. Much like Manor Care in Hinsdale for those of you from the Chi-town area. A nursing home, not even retirement community or anything. My grandmother wanted none of this and informed certain members of my family. My dad wanted none of it as well and told the sisters that Grandma was coming home one way or another! So as the house and care was prepared for grandma to come home the sisters began a bitter battle with my dad because they wanted the house sold and their share of the money, now. It just so happens that the village wanted my grandmother's house at the very same time. So the battle in my family continued because Grandma insisted that dad take a larger chunk of the money from the house since he was A) Going to be taking care of her and B) didn't let the rest of the family put her in a nursing home. This prompted a summer of bitterness and anger in my family. Jim and I spent weekend after weekend driving 400 miles, roundtrip, to help my dad and my grandmother pack of 50+ years of belongings and memories and move it to DeKalb. Little was I aware that this was putting more of a strain on myself and my relationship with Jim than I thought at the time. So with my dad's side of the family in angry silent treatment mode, some of us were shoved into the middle, and made to try and keep peace in a very hairy situation. My grandmother has been back in the hospital 4 other times this year since January. Each time the person that sees her most, is me. This whole year my friends have seen my grandmother more than the rest of my cousins have ... it makes me sick to my stomach.
Then, there was going back to school. With a promise of help all summer long falling threw the cracks of a black hole I was left to get loans for school. I applied and was approved for loans that were going to make going back to school possible. Until mid-September when I was told that they were the wrong loans and I therefore would not be getting any aid at all. It was personal loans or nothing. I started making plans for if I couldn't get approved for a loan and yadda yadda. It was chaos. Then at the last minute one came through and I was able to avoid disaster.
Then in August my relationship hit the fan as was coming for many months at that point. Drama insued that I'm not getting into on here because it's not appropriate and not worth discussing at this juncture. But yes, late in the summer I ended a 16 month relationship and got a whole apartment all to myself for the first time ever in my life. This left the fall in complete disaray for a few weeks. There were parties (homecoming and Springfield), vacations, sleepovers, wine, and laughter. It was probably the best three weeks of the year overall for me. Things were cleaning up (relatively speaking) with Jim, I was spending time with my friends, school was going great, and I was headed for a great end to 2006 until the end of October. But those few weeks from the last weekend in Sept until Homecoming were just by far the best of the year at that point. Then as all of you know, tragedy struck our group when Travis passed away. Looking back on it I'm able to say that it brought a lot of people back in contact with each other that would have otherwise been left in the past. It was so completely unbelievable that as I was making calls that day, I heard a lot of questioning remarks about if what I was saying was true. So the last weekend of October was marred by sadness and those few weeks of happiness came to screaching halt for me. The next few weeks were a hurricane of feelings mixing from anger, to sadness, to love, to fear, to every thing else you could imagine in terms of feeling. Thanksgiving weekend brought more hurt feelings and misunderstanding. At this point I just drew back and tried to take some personal inventory of things that were important the last 5 weeks of 2006 and things that weren't. Withdraw and gain a little perspective as well as release. Sounds odd but it wasn't until that random Elsinore show that I went to with JJ and Heather that I really got what I was looking for. I found freshness in a place that always existed. It was great. Elsinore has a way of brightening up my life and at times it not even just the music.
Bright spots did occur in 2006 beyond those few weeks. Bridget and I got back in touch after several years and have found a mutual love of Bones Farm wine on a Thursday night! Emily and I have gotten back in touch after her horrendous ex-b/f mishaps which we all have and have rediscovered how long we can truely hold a conversation about not much of anything. And revisisted memories that were 7 years old. Gretchen got engaged to a great guy, Derek, who let me be privy to the details before the big question got popped. I gained a valuable friendship with JJ that has blossomed more than ever this year. I got to go back to graduate school and start working for my masters degree. And my topper on the cake was the recent cosmic synapse snap that caused the spark of the last three or so weeks. :-) I would go into more detail here but that's not the point of this entry.
Of course 2006 couldn't go out without one more kick to my gut ... my cat had to be put down last Monday. Murray was 16 years old and had developed a blood clot in his chest near his heart. The same condition that almost took my own mother 4 years ago. She told me on Sat when Ray and I were on our way up to C/U to Christmas shop. ect all day. I turned and looked at Ray and said "Once again, if I survive the next 2 weeks I think I've beaten 2006" and he makes the mistake of saying "Well, at least it's done about all it could now" and I stopped, knocked on the wood framwork next to me and said "Don't you even say anything like that!" and then just kept walking. So even with the bright spots 1:00am January 1st, 2007 couldn't come fast enough for me. Just think ... only two more weeks. And regardless of what happens as far as new years plans ... I know that I'll be happy ;-)
Going back to the beginning of 2006 we come upon a scene of a family headed for crisis. My grandmother was in the hospital and being told that she would not be able to go home again because she was not able to take care of herself or even be without nurses 24 hours a day. My family wanted to put her in a home. Much like Manor Care in Hinsdale for those of you from the Chi-town area. A nursing home, not even retirement community or anything. My grandmother wanted none of this and informed certain members of my family. My dad wanted none of it as well and told the sisters that Grandma was coming home one way or another! So as the house and care was prepared for grandma to come home the sisters began a bitter battle with my dad because they wanted the house sold and their share of the money, now. It just so happens that the village wanted my grandmother's house at the very same time. So the battle in my family continued because Grandma insisted that dad take a larger chunk of the money from the house since he was A) Going to be taking care of her and B) didn't let the rest of the family put her in a nursing home. This prompted a summer of bitterness and anger in my family. Jim and I spent weekend after weekend driving 400 miles, roundtrip, to help my dad and my grandmother pack of 50+ years of belongings and memories and move it to DeKalb. Little was I aware that this was putting more of a strain on myself and my relationship with Jim than I thought at the time. So with my dad's side of the family in angry silent treatment mode, some of us were shoved into the middle, and made to try and keep peace in a very hairy situation. My grandmother has been back in the hospital 4 other times this year since January. Each time the person that sees her most, is me. This whole year my friends have seen my grandmother more than the rest of my cousins have ... it makes me sick to my stomach.
Then, there was going back to school. With a promise of help all summer long falling threw the cracks of a black hole I was left to get loans for school. I applied and was approved for loans that were going to make going back to school possible. Until mid-September when I was told that they were the wrong loans and I therefore would not be getting any aid at all. It was personal loans or nothing. I started making plans for if I couldn't get approved for a loan and yadda yadda. It was chaos. Then at the last minute one came through and I was able to avoid disaster.
Then in August my relationship hit the fan as was coming for many months at that point. Drama insued that I'm not getting into on here because it's not appropriate and not worth discussing at this juncture. But yes, late in the summer I ended a 16 month relationship and got a whole apartment all to myself for the first time ever in my life. This left the fall in complete disaray for a few weeks. There were parties (homecoming and Springfield), vacations, sleepovers, wine, and laughter. It was probably the best three weeks of the year overall for me. Things were cleaning up (relatively speaking) with Jim, I was spending time with my friends, school was going great, and I was headed for a great end to 2006 until the end of October. But those few weeks from the last weekend in Sept until Homecoming were just by far the best of the year at that point. Then as all of you know, tragedy struck our group when Travis passed away. Looking back on it I'm able to say that it brought a lot of people back in contact with each other that would have otherwise been left in the past. It was so completely unbelievable that as I was making calls that day, I heard a lot of questioning remarks about if what I was saying was true. So the last weekend of October was marred by sadness and those few weeks of happiness came to screaching halt for me. The next few weeks were a hurricane of feelings mixing from anger, to sadness, to love, to fear, to every thing else you could imagine in terms of feeling. Thanksgiving weekend brought more hurt feelings and misunderstanding. At this point I just drew back and tried to take some personal inventory of things that were important the last 5 weeks of 2006 and things that weren't. Withdraw and gain a little perspective as well as release. Sounds odd but it wasn't until that random Elsinore show that I went to with JJ and Heather that I really got what I was looking for. I found freshness in a place that always existed. It was great. Elsinore has a way of brightening up my life and at times it not even just the music.
Bright spots did occur in 2006 beyond those few weeks. Bridget and I got back in touch after several years and have found a mutual love of Bones Farm wine on a Thursday night! Emily and I have gotten back in touch after her horrendous ex-b/f mishaps which we all have and have rediscovered how long we can truely hold a conversation about not much of anything. And revisisted memories that were 7 years old. Gretchen got engaged to a great guy, Derek, who let me be privy to the details before the big question got popped. I gained a valuable friendship with JJ that has blossomed more than ever this year. I got to go back to graduate school and start working for my masters degree. And my topper on the cake was the recent cosmic synapse snap that caused the spark of the last three or so weeks. :-) I would go into more detail here but that's not the point of this entry.
Of course 2006 couldn't go out without one more kick to my gut ... my cat had to be put down last Monday. Murray was 16 years old and had developed a blood clot in his chest near his heart. The same condition that almost took my own mother 4 years ago. She told me on Sat when Ray and I were on our way up to C/U to Christmas shop. ect all day. I turned and looked at Ray and said "Once again, if I survive the next 2 weeks I think I've beaten 2006" and he makes the mistake of saying "Well, at least it's done about all it could now" and I stopped, knocked on the wood framwork next to me and said "Don't you even say anything like that!" and then just kept walking. So even with the bright spots 1:00am January 1st, 2007 couldn't come fast enough for me. Just think ... only two more weeks. And regardless of what happens as far as new years plans ... I know that I'll be happy ;-)