One Step Forward
Title: One Step Forward
Fandom: Castle
Pairing: Caskett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: post 4x23 fic.
Genre: Romance, Humor
Word count: 10K
Chapter 1: Blurred Lines
You're my head,
You're my heart
-No Light, No Light
He nearly asked her to pinch him to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.
But, knowing Beckett, she would relish in the thought of causing him bodily harm-and he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.
Well, not that kind of satisfaction, anyway.
"Castle…"
They were on his bed, and as he briefly came up for air, everything suddenly became way too real.
Way too fast.
He stared down at her, taking in her tear-stained cheeks, her glistening eyes, the way her hair was fanned out on the pillow beneath her, the way her cheeks were flushed with arousal…and something else that he couldn't exactly identify. Exhilaration, maybe?
Castle hesitated, cursing himself for having a conscience. With a sigh, he twisted around so that he could lay down on the pillow next to her instead. Confusion flashed across Beckett's face as she raised herself on her elbows so that she could look at him. "What are you doing?"
He tried to catch his breath before he answered her, but it was nearly impossible. "I'm trying to be the one who makes the right decisions, for once," he told her, his voice coming out huskier than he expected it to. When she flinched slightly, he immediately sat up. "No," he said quickly, "That came out wrong-that's not what I meant."
Beckett began getting out of his bed, her hair curtaining the expression on her face. "I should go," she mumbled, "I don't know why I…maybe I shouldn't have come here."
"No," Castle's arm shot out to grab her wrist. She allowed herself to be pulled back, but she still wouldn't look at him. "Hey," he gently cupped her chin and forced her to meet his gaze, "Please, stay."
"I thought…" she swallowed, "I thought this was what you wanted."
"It is," he gathered her in his arms and laid back against the headboard, closing his eyes at the feel of her body cradled against his. "You have no idea how much it means to me that you're here." Castle glanced down at the same time that she peered up at him, and he couldn't stop himself from lowering his head and capturing her lips with his again.
As their kisses grew in intensity, Beckett slowly moved so that she was straddling him, her legs curling around his waist. "It's okay," she whispered against his lips as he tried to pull away, "Castle, it's okay."
"No," he grabbed her shoulders, pushing her back so that he could look at her. "Kate, I'm not a saint. Don't make this harder than it already is."
"I don't understand," she shook her head, her curls flying around her shoulders and showering them both with stray droplets of water. "Four years, Castle," she leaned forward, testing the strength of his hold against her and hiding a smile when his grip loosened. "It's been four years-four years of dancing around each other, ignoring what we both wanted, fighting temptation, waiting for the right moment…"
She kissed him then and he let her, his hands dropping to her waist to hold her in place as she shifted enticingly on his lap. He groaned against her lips, feeling her smile in response. "Kate, listen," he pleaded, pulling back and resting his forehead against hers. "It's not the right moment." She stiffened in his arms, and he immediately tightened his grip around her. "No, listen to me," he insisted, "You show up on my doorstep hours after one of our biggest fights ever, telling me that you've almost died. You don't have to be a Psychology expert to be able to figure it out."
"Don't-"
"You've just had another near-death experience, you're scared, vulnerable," he went on quietly, "You're going to make reckless choices."
Beckett sat back, realization dawning across her expression. "That's what you're worried about?" she asked incredulously, "That I'm going to regret this? Castle, you of all people should know that you don't have to worry about that." She reached out for his hand and placed it on her chest, directly over the scar from her gunshot. "This is what I want," she whispered, "You are what I want. Always."
Their gazes locked and she began gently guiding his hand away from her chest and to the remaining buttons on her shirt. He didn't take his eyes off of hers, even as his fingers skimmed down. When he was done unbuttoning the rest of the shirt, she twitched her shoulders so that the lapels slid partway down her arms, clearly waiting for him to completely remove it.
"Kate…" he warned as her fingers then moved to undo the buttons on his own shirt. "Think about this, think about what you're asking me to do." He caught her wrist, effectively stopping her movements. "I would never forgive myself if…" He heaved a sigh and leaned his head back, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling. A minute later, to his surprise, Beckett suddenly maneuvered her wrist so that their fingers intertwined and they were holding hands instead. "What are you doing?"
"You're sweet," she gave him a familiar smile, one that he had grown to love. "Always worrying about me."
He tightened his grip on her hand and raised it to his lips, dropping a kiss onto it. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this...I just want to do it right."
The expression on her face softened. "Okay," she agreed after a moment, "We'll do this right." She kissed him on the cheek and then prepared to settle herself under the covers. She frowned, however, when Castle grabbed her by the arm and pulled her right back up. "What's going on?" she complained as he made them both get out of bed, "Castle, I'm tired."
"Oh no, there is no way I'm letting you go to bed like this," he said sternly, steering her towards the connecting bathroom. "With our luck, you'll die of pneumonia before we ever get to-you know. Ow!" He let go of her wrist and grumbled as he massaged his arm, "Too soon?"
Beckett placed her hands on her hips, "What exactly do you want me to do?"
"You are going to take a hot shower," he informed her, "There are fresh towels in the closet. Then you're going to get dressed in some dry clothes-mine, of course-and I'm going to cook you dinner."
Her feet dragged as he forcefully pushed her the final few steps towards the bathroom, but she nevertheless sighed in acquiescence. "Fine, fine, if you insist." She paused on the threshold and turned to look at him mischievously, "Doesn't Alexis have any clothes I could borrow? Or your mother?"
"Oh, I don't touch their stuff," Castle replied airily, "Unspoken rule, and all." He began to leave the room, calling over his shoulder, "Don't try to get out of wearing one of my shirts, Beckett. You know you want to."
"Typical male response," she called back to him, the corners of her mouth tugging into an involuntary smile at his antics. "Oh wait, Castle?"
His head popped back into the bedroom, "Yeah?"
She gestured to the shirt still draped across her body, "Could you help me, here?"
Castle leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms. "Beckett, are you trying to seduce me?"
"What? No, my arms hurt from-"
"A likely story," he smirked, "If you wanted me to undress you, all you had to do was ask."
"My arms," she interjected pointedly, "Are a little sore from hanging off a twenty-story building while I attempted to not fall to my death."
Castle froze, "What?"
"But hey, if you don't want to help," Beckett shrugged nonchalantly as she slipped into the bathroom and began to close the door, "I'm sure I can manage on my own." Before Castle could respond, she poked her head out through the crack between the door and the wall. "Oh and Castle?"
His voice sounded hoarse, "Yeah?"
"I resigned from the NYPD." With a broad smile, she shut the door and disappeared into the shower.
"WHAT?"
Chapter 2: Memories Past
Stand my ground
And never back down
-Awake and Alive
Beckett stood under the steady stream of water, closing her eyes against the rivulets falling across her face. The faint scent of Castle's shampoo filled the room, and she breathed it in, reveling in its familiarity.
'Just tell me who's behind this!'
'You're wasting your time, detective. You have no idea what you're up against…'
Her eyes flew open, unmindful of the shampoo-laced water sliding from her forehead and sneaking past her eyelashes. She blinked away the sting and quickly turned around, washing away the remnants of the soap suds from her hair. If she closed her eyes tightly enough, she could pretend that she was surrounded by water, swimming in the depths of the ocean...
'What you did dishonors this city, and dishonors the badge…You don't deserve to wear the uniform…'
She blindly reached out for the shower knob with trembling fingers, turning it up to a hotter setting. She felt a vague sense of detachment as the water continued to pelt down on her, her skin reddening under the heat.
'Keep it. I resign.'
At that moment, she became aware of someone knocking forcefully on the bathroom door. She swiveled her head around to look in that direction, startled to see the amount of steam clouding her vision. Where had it all come from? She slowly began sliding back the glass shower door, but there was suddenly a loud bang and the bathroom door flew open.
"Beckett?" Castle waved a hand into the air, uselessly trying to clear a path through the steam. "You've been in here for nearly a half hour, what on earth is going on?" Anxiety had made his voice harsh, but she barely registered it. "Jesus," he hissed as he experimentally placed his hand under the shower and jerked it back almost immediately. "This water is scalding hot!" His expression was uncharacteristically serious as he hurriedly switched the water off and tried to push the shower door open further, "Beckett-"
"A towel," she murmured, regaining her senses and recognizing that Castle was probably seconds away from putting her under suicide watch. "I'm fine," she told him, trying to sound reassuring as she held the shower door in place. "I didn't realize how long I had been in here...I was just cold, and the water felt...nice."
He backed off, though he didn't look entirely convinced. "Here," he said, pulling a large red towel out of the cupboard and holding it out for her. "Let's get you out of here."
She hesitated.
"I'm not looking," he said, his voice a mixture of exasperation and amusement as he correctly interpreted her silence. "I gotta say, I do love our deja vu moments."
Beckett dubiously peered through the space left between the wall and the door, "Castle?"
"What?"
"You're looking at the mirror."
"Oh for heaven's sakes-alright, alright!" He muttered under his breath as he turned to look at the other wall. "The mirror was all fogged up anyway."
Beckett hid a smile as she fully pushed the shower door open and cautiously stepped out into the towel. True to his word, Castle kept his eyes averted even as he wrapped her up snugly in the oversized towel. "Thanks," she said, allowing him to lead her out of the bathroom and back into his room. "I really am okay," she added as he stepped back to look at her, "Really."
Castle didn't respond, and instead gestured around the room. "There's the closet and there's the dresser...choose anything you like. I'll wait for you out in the kitchen." He began to leave the room, but turned around at the last minute to study her expression. She could almost see the struggle in his demeanor as he tried to re-establish the normalcy in their relationship. "And by 'anything,' feel free to also wear nothing at all," Castle flashed a familiar grin at her, "You know, whatever suits you..."
She shook her head, though she couldn't help herself from returning his smile. "Castle, has anyone ever told you how utterly predictable you are?"
He leaned against the doorway, pretending to look offended. "Excuse me, but I will have you know that Danger is my middle name."
"I thought your middle name was Alexander," Beckett countered, sliding open the closet doors and gazing at the rows of clothes with something akin to awe. "Castle?" she turned around when he didn't respond, "What is it?"
His brow was furrowed, and he slid his hands into his pockets as he casually walked towards her. "You know, you never told me what that psychic told you-about Alexander?"
"The psychic?" Beckett shifted uncomfortably, "You still remember that?"
"Hey, get back to me when a psychic has a premonition about YOU and let me know how interested you are in...oh, never mind." He eyed her critically, "I take it you still don't believe it all that stuff?"
"Well," she hedged, "It's not like anything these psychics say are ever proven to be true..."
"Oh my god!"
She jumped, "What?"
"You didn't say no," he pointed out gleefully, "Come on, spill." He eagerly grasped her shoulders and pulled her forward, "Tell me. What did Penny say about this so-called Alexander?"
Beckett pursed her lips, being sure to take her time to respond in order to draw out his agony for as long as possible. Just as he opened his mouth to complain, she cut him off. "She said I would meet someone named Alexander. There, happy?"
Castle looked positively ecstatic. "And," he prodded knowingly, "What else did she say about him?"
"Um," she stalled, "She might've said that he would be important...but that's about it."
He frowned, slight disappointment coloring his expression. "That's it?" Castle sighed, letting go of her shoulders. "That's not very specific for a psychic. Oh well." He shrugged, "Alright, I'll let you get dressed."
Beckett chewed on the inside of her cheek as Castle moved towards the door. "Wait!" she called out reluctantly, "Penny might've said...well, there might be one more thing that she said."
He turned around, blinking at her innocently. "Did she, now?"
She rolled her eyes, "Oh, get that smug look off your face."
"Go on," he urged, "What else did she say?"
Beckett took a deep breath and then said in a rush, "That Alexander would end up saving my life someday. In the future. Like, way into the future." She hesitantly looked up to meet his gaze, and was surprised to see that his expression had sobered. "Castle? Are you okay?"
He straightened and cleared his throat, "That's, uh, interesting." He shifted, gesturing with his thumb over his shoulder. "I should get back to the kitchen before the food burns. Um, see you out there?"
"Yeah..." She frowned after him as he hastily shut the door, leaving her alone in his room. She didn't mull over his odd behavior for long, however, and went back to examining the contents of his closet. Her eye landed on a familiar navy blue button down, and she carefully slipped it off the hanger, relishing in the feel of the expensive material under her fingertips.
Beckett walked over to the mirror, watching her reflection as she slowly slid her arms into the shirt and finished buttoning it. It was so large on her frame that it fell to just a couple inches above her knee. She rolled up the sleeves and then began rummaging in the dresser for a belt to cinch around her waist. Her gaze fell instead on his tie collection, and she smiled to herself as she picked up a ruby red one. It was silk, and everything about it was so inexplicably and quintessentially Castle that she couldn't help loving it.
Castle had busied himself in the kitchen, but turned around when he heard soft footsteps padding towards him. He fought to keep his expression composed when he saw what she was wearing."Stylish as ever, Ms. Beckett," he commented as she took a seat on the stool across from him. "I'll have to remember that combination."
Beckett smiled in response, looking over the various pots and pans sizzling on the stove. "What's this?" she asked, questioningly picking up the silver spoon from the glass bowl sitting in front of her. "Aren't we eating dinner?"
He leaned towards her from the other side of the island, "I live with my teenage daughter and my wildly eccentric mother, Beckett. Now, can you tell me what these two people have in common?"
She tilted her head, tapping the spoon on her chin as she pretended to think. "They both inherited the charming Castle gene that apparently skipped a generation?"
"Very funny," Castle opened the freezer door and began setting out approximately six different tubs of ice cream. When he was done, he leaned back and crossed his arms. "To answer my own question, since you're choosing not to point out the obvious-they are both women."
"So?"
"So?" He looked baffled, "Ice cream is what women want when they are upset."
Beckett opened her mouth to retort, but then shut it again as she caught sight of her favorite flavor. "Normally I would lecture you on your blatant generalization of women," she advised him, "But that can wait till later." With a grateful smile, she dug her spoon into the nearest tub of ice cream. She savored the taste on her tongue for a few moments before noticing that Castle was staring at her. She pulled the spoon out of her mouth, "What?"
He raised an eyebrow at her, "I never took you for a Rocky Road kind of girl."
"Oh really?" she leaned forward, and Castle unconsciously mirrored her movements. When they were inches apart from each other, she breathed, "And what kind of girl do you take me for?"
His eyes briefly became unfocused. "V-vanilla," he finally stammered out, "I always thought you were a..."
"Oh come on, Castle," Beckett drawled, "Vanilla? You know me better than that." She drew back, and from the corner of her eye, spotted a can of whipped cream. Getting an idea, she grinned at him as she squirted a small amount onto her index finger and sucked it off, watching his expression from beneath lowered eyelids.
He gaped at her, and only seemed to slip out of his trance when his cell phone began ringing, effectively breaking the spell. As Castle fumbled for his phone, he pointed at her accusingly, "You're trying to seduce me again."
"I am not," Beckett ducked her head so that he couldn't see her smile, "Who is it?"
"It's Ryan..." Castle frowned as he looked up at Beckett, "Why would he be calling me?" When she only shrugged in response, he suspiciously placed the phone at his ear. "Ryan?" There was a long pause. "Yeah, she's here...About an hour ago...No, not yet...Yeah, she told me." At this point, Castle glanced at her, looking confused. "What? No, she didn't tell me about that...No, I haven't heard from him either." Another pause, this one longer than the last. "You had no choice," Castle said quietly, "He'll come around eventually." His gaze locked with Beckett's, "Yeah, we'll be sure to let you know if we hear from him. Okay. Talk to you later."
"What?" Beckett asked warily, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Gates SUSPENDED you and Esposito?" Castle demanded, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was...I was going to," she sighed, "It's been a long night, Castle."
"And it's not nearly over yet," he said to her, his tone daring her to disagree with him. He moved around the island to take a seat on the stool next to her, and reached out to cover her hand with his. "Kate, what the hell happened out there?"
Chapter 3: In Your Dreams
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
-Broken
"I heard your voice, you know," Beckett said to Castle when she had finished reliving the whole sordid tale. "When I was hanging off the ledge of that building, when I thought I was going to fall to my death…" She swallowed, "All I could think of was that I was never going to get a chance to tell you how much you meant to me, how sorry I was for our fight, the things that I said to you…"
Castle didn't look impressed.
She put her wine glass down, studying him uncertainly. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because, as a writer, I'm trying to find the most accurate words possible in order to describe your utter stupidity."
"Excuse me?"
"No," he snapped, getting to his feet angrily. "You decided to go after this guy with no back up? What if Ryan hadn't spilled the beans to Gates? NO ONE would've found you-well, not until you were a broken pile of bones on the side of the street!"
"I know," Beckett met his gaze wearily, "Trust me, I know."
"And after I warned you about how dangerous these people were, you dragged Esposito along for the ride? How could you?" Castle raised his voice, "What were you thinking?"
She stood up as well, her temper getting the best of her. "I didn't tell you the whole story just to hear your judgmental accusations, Castle!"
"Judgmental?" He came to an abrupt halt, "I think I reserve the right to be just a little judgmental after you blatantly disregarded the fact that you backing off this case is what has protected you for this past year!"
She closed her eyes, not having the energy to continue the argument. With a sigh, she slumped back down onto the sofa. "Go ahead," she told him, waving a hand to gesture for him to continue. "Get out everything that you want to say. It's not like I didn't hear it worse from Gates."
Castle didn't say anything for a minute, but his voice was gritty when he finally spoke again. "I'm not trying to…this isn't a lecture. You know me, Kate. I'm the last person to go all holier-than-thou on anyone. You know that I understand better than anyone the need to go off the grid, to pursue something that maybe isn't the best idea."
"Yeah?" She eyed him as he re-filled her wine glass, "Because for some reason it feels exactly like I'm some errant school girl being chastised for breaking the rules."
No response.
"Castle?"
"Hmm?"
Beckett huffed in disbelief, "You're totally picturing me in a school girl uniform, aren't you?"
"I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation," Castle stated, though his eyes briefly lit up with amusement. When she placed her hands on her hips, he shook his head. "Alright, listen to me," he said, his tone becoming serious. "I'm not Gates," he moved to sit next to her, "I'm just trying to get you to understand...Do you know what I would've done if you had died today? If something had happened to you and I wasn't there because we fought? I would've never forgiven myself, Kate, I just-"
"But I'm okay," she interrupted quietly, reaching out to touch his hand. After a second, he reluctantly let their fingers entwine and she smiled as she tightened her grip. "I'm okay," she repeated, "And hey, best case scenario? Maybe Maddox and whoever else is behind this thinks that I'm dead so they'll back off."
"These people have always been about five steps ahead of us," Castle muttered, "You better be sure as hell that they know you're still alive. And if you keep this up, then they're going to keep coming after you." He turned to look at her, his gaze pleading. "Next time you won't be as lucky, Kate. Please, you've got to let this go."
"I know," she said reassuringly, "Trust me, I'm not gunning to go after these guys again."
"Good," he said with obvious relief, moving to wrap his arms around her. "Now, can we talk about what happened with Ryan and Espositio?"
"I mean, I don't have anything to go on," Beckett mumbled into his shoulder, "Not even a name."
Castle's arms tensed around her. "But that doesn't matter, because you said you weren't going to investigate this anymore. Right?"
"Right," she agreed quickly, trying to get him to relax. "I'm not even a cop anymore, so even if I wanted to-"
"Kate..."
"But I don't want to," Beckett hastily added, "Really, I don't."
Castle pulled back to look at her, his expression deadly serious. "Promise me."
"What?"
"You heard me. Promise me that you're done with all this, Kate. Please."
He looked so desperate that she had no choice but to give in. "Okay, Castle. I promise, alright? I'm not going anywhere. I'm not investigating. At least for right now, I'm going to let this go."
"That's not exactly what I asked for."
"But that's all I can give you," Beckett met his gaze, "I don't want to make any promises that I won't be able to keep."
Castle didn't look happy, but he didn't press the issue. "It's late," he said instead, "We should..."
She smiled slightly, "Go to bed?"
"Sleep," he interjected, "I was going to say sleep."
"Sure you were," Beckett's voice took on a teasing lilt as she followed him into his bedroom. As they got under the covers, she became aware of Castle staring at her. "What?"
"It's just...I don't know," he shrugged, flipping off the lights and laying down. "It's sort of surreal."
"What's surreal? That I'm alive?"
"No," Castle turned around on the pillow to look at her, "I mean, obviously I'm glad you're alive. I just meant that it's surreal that you're here. In my bed." His eyes took on a faraway look, "After all this time." She rolled her eyes, and he smirked in response. "After all the dreams, the fantasies, the-"
She half-heartedly smacked him with the nearest pillow, "Okay, that's enough, Castle."
The expression on his face became genuine, "I'm kidding. Well, sort of. You know what I mean." He reached out to stroke the side of her face, tucking in a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't know what I would've done if anything had happened to you today, Kate. Just the thought of you out there on your own..."
"Shh," she murmured, shifting closer to him and raising her head so that she could lay it on his chest. "Hey, Castle," she murmured drowsily, "Wanna know a secret?"
He smiled up at the ceiling, bringing up a hand to tangle in her hair. "Always."
"I've dreamed about this, too."
Castle's eyes widened, "Wait, what?"
Silence.
"Kate," he whispered insistently, "Did you just say what I think you said?"
Snoring.
He groaned, flopping his head back onto his pillow. Just his luck.
Out of his eyesight, Kate's lips lifted into a silent smile
Chapter 4: Forgiveness
Remember the day
'Cause this is what dreams should always be
-Losing Your Memory
Beckett didn't know what had stirred her sleep, but suddenly her eyes flew open and she was instantly wide-awake. Adrenaline shot through her system when she didn't immediately recognize her surroundings, but she relaxed as she felt a familiar possessive arm tighten around her waist.
She turned her head to see Castle lying next to her, looking somehow younger and carefree without the near-constant expression of anxiety he had been wearing recently. Being careful not to disturb him, she silently swung her legs over the edge of the bed and padded into the adjoining bathroom.
She examined her reflection contemplatively, her fingers skimming over the dark circles under her eyes. Her features still looked weary and drawn, as if she hadn't just gotten a good night's sleep. And the truth was-even though she had never felt safer than under Castle's arm-her dreams had still been plagued with visions of men chasing her, memories of her mother's death…
And she had been chasing something too, something elusive that she never actually reached because every time she got close enough to reach it, it inevitably disappeared.
With a sigh, she splashed lukewarm water onto her face, remembering all too well the incident with the hot water from her shower the previous night. A silk bathrobe was hanging from a hook on the back of the door, so she pulled it on before venturing out into the kitchen.
It was only then that she happened to look out the window and notice that the sun was just starting to rise on the horizon. She didn't know how long she zoned out for, watching the gradual rise of light in the sky and feeling the faint warmth wash across her skin, but suddenly a footstep creaked loudly on the wooden floor.
"Goodness gracious!"
Beckett jumped and turned around to see Martha standing at the bottom of the stairs, one hand over her heart.
The other hand was defensively holding a long pink umbrella.
"Martha, hi…" Beckett trailed off awkwardly, instinctively tightening the bathrobe around her waist. "I just…um, I didn't think…" She cleared her throat, eventually deciding on, "You're up early."
"Darling, if you don't wake up with the sun then you might as well sleep the day away!" Martha announced dramatically, and then happened to glance down at the umbrella she was still holding. "Oh! Yes, this, well…" she hurriedly put it down by the door, "I thought you were an intruder."
Beckett's lips quirked up into a smile, "And you were going to attack me with that?"
"Trust me," Martha said mischievously, "This umbrella has come in quite handy in the past in dealing with unwanted visitors."
Beckett's eyes widened, "Have you had intruders here before?"
"Of course not," Martha waved her hand dismissively, "I meant it came in handy to fight off my numerous suitors."
"Ah," Beckett grinned and moved back into the kitchen, "Do you mind if I cook breakfast?"
"Cook?" Martha's eyebrows shot up, and she eyed Beckett speculatively. "I can see why my son has been so taken with you. I've always said, the way to a man's heart is through-"
"Mother?" Castle's sleepy voice interrupted them as he stumbled out of his room, rubbing one hand over his face. Then he yawned, "What is with all the racket this early in the morning?"
"Sweetheart, must you be so unpleasant in front of company?"
"Company?" Castle snorted, "What are you-" He broke off as his gaze focused on Beckett, and his mouth dropped open. "Wait…am I still dreaming?" He looked around for a second, seemingly bewildered. "My dreams have never been this vivid…" He narrowed his eyes at his mother then, "And you've, thank god, never been in them."
Beckett edged forward and, even though Martha was watching them closely, put her arms around Castle's neck and gently pressed her lips to his for a light kiss. "There," she whispered teasingly, "Are you convinced this isn't a dream now?"
The doorknob rattled.
Everyone froze.
"Who on earth could that be?" Martha shot a nervous glance towards her son, who immediately became more alert.
"Everyone stay back," Castle said in a low tone as he took a silent step forward. "Kate, you have your gun, right?"
"I had to give it to Gates, remember?" she hissed back, though she moved so that she was ahead of him anyway. "Look, just stay behind-"
The lock clicked and the door creaked open.
"DAD?"
"Alexis?" Castle squeaked, then his eyes widened and he cleared his throat before speaking in a purposefully deeper voice. "I mean, er, Alexis! What are you doing here?" He glanced blearily at the clock hanging in the kitchen, "Aren't you supposed to be at some all-night graduation party?"
"I was," Alexis' eyes darted back and forth between the three people standing before her. "But some of my friends parked their cars at the school parking lot, so one of them said they could give me a ride home and I thought I could...catch up...on some sleep..." She trailed off haltingly towards the end of her sentence, "Um, if I'm interrupting something, I could just-"
"Don't be ridiculous, darling," Martha interjected, casting an annoyed glance over her shoulder at Castle. "Beckett here was just about to make us all breakfast, isn't that nice of her?"
"Yeah..." Alexis frowned, her gaze lingering on Beckett's silk bathrobe, "But what is-"
"Honey," Castle laughed nervously, moving forward to pick up the bags that Alexis had dropped by the door. "Why don't I help you take your things upstairs?"
"Wonderful idea!" Martha agreed quickly, "I'll stay down here and help Beckett; I'm sure you're starving after eating all that junk food and god knows what else at that graduation party last night."
Alexis looked uncertain for a second before finally admitting, "Actually, I am kinda starving. A bunch of people left the graduation party about halfway through the night to go to that 24 hour diner down the highway." She glanced at Castle's expression and hastily added, "Don't worry, I didn't go with them."
Castle smiled slightly, "That's my girl." He swung one of her bags over his shoulder and gestured to her, "Come on, let's take your things upstairs."
He sniffed at her as she passed by him, causing her to roll her eyes. "It was a graduation party sponsored by the school, dad. There wasn't any alcohol there."
"Drugs?"
"No."
"Okay," Castle waggled his eyebrows at her, "Just checking."
Alexis patted his shoulder, "You know you can trust me, right?"
"I know," he grinned affectionately at her and then followed her up the stairs, not realizing that Beckett was watching them go in awe.
"I always forget how..." Beckett shook her head when she saw Martha looking questioningly at her, "I mean, most of the time at work, Castle is just...but around Alexis...it's like he's a whole different person." She paused, thinking over what she had just said, "I'm not making any sense, am I?"
"He's a good father to Alexis," Martha smiled understandingly, "Always has been."
"Alexis is a great kid," Beckett agreed quietly, and then turned around to peer into the refrigerator. "So, orange juice, eggs, bacon-"
Someone knocked frantically at the door.
"My, my, this has certainly been a busy morning," Martha frowned, "What should we do? Do you think it's safe to answer?"
"No one knows I'm here," Beckett bit her lip, "Do me a favor, can you go upstairs and tell Castle there's someone at the door?"
"Alright," Martha shot her a worried look, "Don't do anything rash."
She hurried up the stairs, and had just disappeared around the landing when whoever was at the door pounded loudly on it again.
Beckett edged forward, hastily looking around for some sort of weapon. Finding one, she held the object out in front of her as she got into a fighting stance. Then, taking a deep breath, she flung the door open.
"Beckett?"
"Ryan?"
He blinked, looking bewildered. He opened his mouth to speak, shut it, waited a full minute, then opened it again. "Er, why are you pointing a pink umbrella at me?"
Kate shook her head, flustered. "Sorry, I didn't know who was at the door...it's early...I thought maybe Maddox or...I don't know." Beckett let the umbrella fall from her fingers and quickly kicked it out of sight. When Ryan didn't say anything else, she sighed and folded her arms. "What do you want?"
"I..." Ryan swallowed hard and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I came to ask Castle where I could find you."
"Well, you found me," Beckett answered unnecessarily, and he winced at the underlying harsh quality in her voice. "Look, I don't think this is the best time to talk," she told him honestly, "It's been a crazy couple of days, and I'm still trying to process everything, and-"
"I had to see you," Ryan interrupted her, for all the world looking like a lost puppy who had been kicked one too many times. He hesitated then, "Gates made me leave."
That caught her attention, and she straightened. "What? Gates suspended you too? What on earth for!?"
"Not suspended," he muttered unwillingly, "She just told me to take a couple days off to deal with...everything." He looked back up at her, his gaze becoming pleading. "Esposito won't take any of my calls, and you didn't answer your phone either, and I just can't-" He broke off, rubbing his arms as if there was a chill in the hallway. "I had to do it, Kate. If it was my life on the line, if it was me, I-"
Beckett held up a hand to stop him, "I know."
"I-what?"
"I know," she repeated, this time in a quieter voice. "I'm not angry with you, Kevin. If it wasn't for you..." Something made her glance over to her right, and she caught sight of Castle standing silently midway on the staircase. She allowed a small smile of acknowledgment to cross her face as she turned back to face Ryan. "If it wasn't for you, then we wouldn't be having this conversation right now because I would be dead."
Both Castle and Ryan flinched.
"You're...you're alright now, right?" Ryan still looked nervous as he shifted from foot to foot, "We're alright?" She opened her mouth to answer, but he didn't appear to notice. "Because you, me, and Esposito...and Castle," he added after a second, "We're like family, and you and me..." Ryan finally met her gaze, his brow furrowing, "I look up to you like a sister, Kate. If anything happened to you, I couldn't-"
She cut off his next words by reaching out and pulling him into a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered, "Thank you for saving my life. I'm sorry I didn't say it before, but you're right. You did what you had to do, and I'm so grateful." After a moment, he returned the embrace, one hand clutching her hair as though his life depended on it.
"Thank you for forgiving me," he murmured into her ear, to which she pulled away and eyed him sternly. "What?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Beckett told him firmly before grasping his shoulder and tugging him into the house. "Come on in, I was just about to make breakfast."
"Oh, hey Ryan!" Castle announced loudly as he clattered down the stairs with obvious intent, "I thought I heard your voice down here. Everything alright?"
"Yeah," Ryan glanced at Beckett, who smiled back at him. "Everything's fine." Then his eyes narrowed and he blinked, as though clearly seeing what Beckett was wearing for the first time. "Um, is that Castle's..." He trailed off, comprehension dawning across his face before he grinned broadly. "Wait till Lainie and Esposito hear about this!"
Chapter 5: Partner in Crime
And all that counts,
Is here and now.
-Glad You Came
Esposito straightened out his jacket and then took a deep breath before raising his fist to knock on the door in front of him. His knuckles had barely grazed the wooden frame, however, when the door was pulled open. "Lainie," he greeted with a cocky smile, "Not that I'm complaining about a booty call, but it's a little early in the morning, don't you think?"
Lainie stared at him blankly, "What?"
He heaved an exaggerated sigh and took a step forward so that he could place his hands on her waist. "You don't have to pretend that's not why you called me over. Trust me, we're on the same page."
"Ah," she blinked rapidly, "No, I don't think we are on the same page this time, Espo."
He frowned, noticing the way that she was blocking the entrance with her body so that he couldn't walk in further. Almost on instinct, his hand went to his gun-that is, before he remembered that he didn't carry one anymore.
"What's wrong?" He lowered his voice as he tried to peer over her shoulder, "Is there someone in your apartment?"
"Yes, actually," she looked a little relieved that he had arrived at this conclusion on his own, "There are some people here who want to see you." She tentatively stepped aside, and Esposito walked into the hallway, keeping his eyes trained for any sudden movements.
When the floorboard to his right creaked, he instantly whirled around. However, he paused in confusion when he saw who was standing there. "Beckett? What are you doing here?"
"Hey, Javi…" she looked a little sheepish, "How are you doing?"
He spread his arms out, "Me? I'm fine." He glanced from her to Lainie once, before narrowing his eyes at her. "What about you? Are you okay? Did something happen?"
"No," Beckett moved her hands around her listlessly, a sign that she was nervous. "I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you weren't still reeling from yesterday." She hesitated and then met his gaze, "And to make sure you weren't too pissed at me."
"Hey," he moved forward, until they were face to face. "Kate, listen to me. I knew the risks when I decided to go with you, and I knew what the consequences would be. None of that is on you. I know how to take responsibility for my actions." He gave her a small smile and then reached out to briefly touch her shoulder, "Don't worry, I'm not mad. Gates will need us back soon enough."
"Not us," Beckett corrected, though her lips lifted in an answering smile. "I quit, remember?"
He nodded slowly, once again looking over his shoulder to gauge Lainie's reaction to their conversation. When she didn't look surprised, he frowned at Beckett. "I thought that was just some stunt you pulled to piss off Gates. Don't tell me you were serious?"
"Yeah," she answered, though she drew the word out thoughtfully. "I think I was pretty serious." She shook her head, "You saw what happened to me these past few months, Espo. I was too buried in my mother's death, in the job, just all of it…it's too much. I need a break."
"Well yeah, a break," he prodded, "But that doesn't mean forever, right?"
"No, not forever," Beckett agreed quietly, "But just for right now."
"So what happened to you yesterday?" Esposito asked over his shoulder as he ambled into the kitchen and made a beeline for the coffee pot. "I looked for you after we left the precinct, but I couldn't find you anywhere." He focused on pouring himself a cup of coffee, "I was worried about you. I thought you might do something reckless."
Beckett winced, but she smoothed her expression over by the time he turned around. "I needed some time alone," she started, but then stopped abruptly.
Esposito waited a second to see if she would continue, but she didn't. "Okay…" he shrugged, "Feels weird not having to go into work, doesn't it?" He turned to look at Lainie, "What about you? You have work today?"
"Yeah, I do," she glanced down at her watch, "So I'm gonna go."
He stared at her incredulously, "Then why did you call me over? Just to talk to Beckett?"
"No-"
"It was my idea," Beckett interrupted, sending a grateful smile in Lainie's direction. "I wanted neutral ground for this conversation. Besides, I wanted to be sure you would come."
"You could've called," he looked suspicious, "You didn't have to go through Lainie."
She bit her lip, "Yeah, I did." Then she turned her head and called through the door that led to the living room, "Okay guys, you can come in here now."
Two seconds later, Castle and Ryan walked into the kitchen, both looking slightly guilty.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me-" Esposito turned on Beckett, "I can't believe you! I'm out of here."
"Whoa, whoa," Castle hastily moved to block the doorway, "Just hold on a minute, here."
"Javier," Ryan looked desperate, "Would you just hear me out?"
"I got nothing to say to you," Esposito snapped, "And Castle, you better get out of my way right now."
Castle hesitated, but then crossed his arms and stood his ground. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you leave like this."
Lainie cleared her throat, "Yeah, well, I have to get to work so…yeah, I'm gonna take off."
"Lucky," Castle muttered under his breath as she slipped past him, the relief on her expression clear as day.
Esposito was still glaring at Beckett, "I thought you had my back. You know, like I had yours?"
"You did have my back," she acknowledged, "You always have. And this is me having yours right now, even if you can't see it."
"No," he got into her face, "Having my back would mean not TRICKING me into coming down here just so that I could-"
"Talk to your partner," Beckett finished forcefully, "He's your partner, Javier, you owe it to him to at least hear him out!"
"I don't owe anyone here anything."
Castle looked serious, "If Ryan hadn't done what he did, then Beckett would be dead right now. Maybe you, too."
Ryan slowly approached Esposito, in the manner of someone approaching a dangerous criminal. "Look, if you want to hit me or something just go right ahead," he screwed his face shut in anticipation, "Go ahead. I deserve it."
Esposito merely stared at him.
Beckett threw up her hands in disgust, "What happened to talking things out?"
All three males in the room turned around to look at her in vague surprise. "Talking things out?" Castle repeated in mock confusion, "What self-respecting man would do that?"
Ryan popped one eye open, anxiously looking over at Esposito. "I know, right?" he answered in response to Castle, "Right, Javi?"
Esposito's expression relaxed after a second and he blew out a breath of air. "Yeah," he agreed reluctantly, "Right."
The tension in the room visibly decreased.
"What?" Beckett looked baffled, "So, that's it? All that testosterone posturing is gone, just like that?"
Castle shot her an amused look, "If I didn't know better, Beckett, I'd say that you almost look disappointed."
"No," she pursed her lips, "Not disappointed. Just confused."
He was openly smirking now, "Admit it, you were looking forward to a little action, weren't you?"
Ryan gave an obvious cough, "Well I think Castle can take care of that."
Esposito grinned, waiting for Beckett to punch him in the arm or some other form of acceptable rebuttal. But, of all things, she blushed. Esposito's eyes widened, looking from Beckett to Castle, then back to Ryan. "Whoa, hold up, hold up-am I missing something here?"
"You see why you need your partner?" Ryan asked jovially, pointing to himself. "How else are you going to get the first hand scoop on all the gossip that goes down?"
"Don't tell me," Esposito grabbed Castle's arm and hauled him forward, "Did you finally f-"
"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," Beckett interrupted, placing her hands on her hips. "Isn't that right, Castle?"
"That's right," he agreed solemnly, but then he winked at Esposito. "But there was a whole lot more than kissing, if you catch my drift."
"Castle!" Beckett stormed forward and grabbed his other arm, "Excuse us guys, but I think Castle and I have a few things to discuss."
He only laughed as he let himself be dragged out of the room, managing to wave goodbye to Esposito and Ryan before the door slammed shut. "Are you sure it's a good idea to leave them alone in Lainie's apartment?" Castle said to Beckett as she continued dragging him down the hallway, "What if they start throwing things around?"
"The only thing that's going to get thrown around," Beckett suddenly spun on her heel and jabbed a finger into his chest, "Is YOU."
"Ow," Castle jumped back to avoid her jabbing-finger again, and somehow found himself pinned to the wall. "Wha-OW! What was that for?"
She grabbed a fistful of his collar and jerked his head forward so that they were inches apart. "You know what that was for," she hissed, "I think you're letting your overactive imagination get away from you, Castle. Nothing happened between us last night, remember?"
"Yes," he explained patiently, "I remember that perfectly well."
"Then why-" Beckett tightened her grip around him and he winced, "-did you tell the guys that something did happen?"
Castle only gave her mischievous grin.
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but released him from her hold all the same. "What?" she asked, crossing her arms. "You have that look."
He straightened the collar of his jacket surreptitiously before frowning at her, "What look?"
"Your I-can't-wait-to-pull-a-fast-one-over-someone look."
"Do you think they bought it?" Castle asked her eagerly, "That we slept together?"
Beckett tapped her foot along the carpeted hallway, giving him a calculated look. "You want to mess with their heads," she finally deduced, rolling her eyes as she reached out to press the down button on the elevator. "Everything's just a big game to you, isn't it?"
He shrugged, his eyes alight with amusement. "Ah, but messing with their heads is so much fun, no?"
The elevator dinged open at that moment, and they both walked in, still bantering. "You know, I was thinking," Beckett mused, suddenly reaching out and pulling the 'stop' button.
Castle clutched the metal bar behind him as the elevator jolted to a stop, and he turned to look at her in surprise. "What are you doing?"
She smirked at him.
His eyes then widened in realization, "Wait, is this what I think it is?"
"You tell me," Beckett raised an eyebrow seductively as she strode towards him at a leisurely pace and placed one hand on his chest to push him backwards into the wall.
Castle looked like a kid whose Christmas had come early as her fingers played with the collar of shirt before moving down to unclasp the top button. "Yeah," he breathed out, "This is exactly what I think it is."
Beckett's lips curved upward as she pulled his shirt off his shoulders, "Is that a problem?"
"No," Castle's expression alternated between desire and uncertainty for a second before settling on desire. Then his hand curved behind her neck and he abruptly pulled her towards him. He lowered his head as she molded against his body and covered her lips with his own, murmuring unnecessarily, "No problem at all."