rustic commotion
i went camping this weekend with large group of friends and acquaintances. it was fun but not as relaxing as i had hoped. my best friend couldn't make it. generally i am fond of solitude but whenever i was alone i felt anxious about school. i have a test and a paper due by thursday. so far i feel very unprepared. i am going to stay home from for the rest of my vacation if necessary to get it done. thankfully i am off work until wednesday at 11 pm. so there is hope. i don't feel very stable right now. no desire to harm myself. just foggy thinking and a few panicked episodes in the past few days. i listened to jewel;s newest cd on the way to the forest and found it amusing. on the way home, i found it so sad that i had to pull over and cry for a few minutes. i miss my daddy today. i feel grateful for the my life, but want to put it on pause. just long enough to write this paper, then i promise i'll push play on the remote.