why am I the way I am...

May 20, 2006 10:02

why do I always feel like I have to compete with past realtionships ( Read more... )

dating, sad, rant, robert

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redefining_self May 20 2006, 21:01:40 UTC
Your brain isn't broken. It needs a tune up.

Jealousy over something you can't change (the past, for example) is tough to fix. Unlike a present instance of some form of jealousy where your immediate actions can either remove the object of jealousy or remove yourself from the presence of the object of jealousy the past doesn't allow you to do either.

Be confident in your relationship. You've done well (coming from a person who is very bad at relationships take it for what it's worth) and you have nothing to fear. Don't live fretting the future and cursing the past. Experience the relationship in the moment, from day to day. Revel in those times you uspend together and reflect on the joy it brings in those times you spend apart.

Take a mental break from time to time, too. As one friend described it to me when talking about her marriage of 12 years: "I've been in love with my husband many times during our relationship. Being 'In Love' is intense and pleasurable and very, very draining. We rejoice during those times that we are 'In Love'. The rest of the time we love each other and are each others' best friends. That is love, to me."

She posted that in her journal several months ago. Made sense to me. Take a break from being 'In Love' and let your relationship batteries recharge. Then come at this problem you face with renewed energy.

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