Corrugated page turner on discount
Ever since I’ve started working, I’ve barely managed to keep myself abreast of the happenings around the world. I usually open some news site with the intention of spending at least ten minutes reading up on the headlines from across the globe. Thirty seconds into my reading, I usually remember something pressing that needs my immediate attention, and the poor page remains unread. If the e-asy medium of news meets with such disdain, you can only imagine how its poor paper cousin has fared.
It’d been about two years since I’d picked up a newspaper, and during my last visit to my parents’ home, I decided it was time to renew my relationship with the newspaper. As with all neglected relationships, something didn’t seem right the moment I’d established contact. From years of practice, my hands automatically stretched as wide as they thought they needed to be to fully embrace my old friend. But alas, the paper just slipped through my hands. That’s when I learnt the first lesson of relationships -affection decreases when attention is not paid to it. In this case, the paper had shrunk itself by a few inches.
I looked at the first sheet, hoping to grab the important stuff, as my eyes traversed through the two-inch-shorter length of the paper. I figured I could get my entire month’s grocery supplies 15% cheaper if I went to a particular store. I found stellar deals on orange hair dyes, automatic cabbage choppers, engine oil for Ambassadors and barf bags made of nylon. Lesson number two revealed itself to me -all good things come in smaller packages
Having been enlightened to such a large degree in the very first page, I excitedly turned to page two. Only to realize that only half of the first page had turned, while the bottom half remained firmly intact. Staring at the barf bag deal for 10 seconds wasn’t time enough to digest what an awesome deal it was, apparently. I gave it another 5 seconds, then carefully turned the bottom portion over. The main page two consisted of 4 big stories - one about a sordid murder story involving many permutations and combinations of spouses; another of a terrorist scam that led to another murky murder; a third, of a group of legislators who were placed under house arrest at a swanky resort away from the city for fear of being horse traded; and the last one was of a statistically accurate story about the correlation between age and the amount of money amassed by startup guys. I learnt another precious lesson on this page - that truth was not only stranger, but also way more entertaining than fiction. My heart ached for some mundane, predictable stuff, so I turned the tele on to the channel running my favourite soap.
Every time I turned a page, I’d guess about two things - what the ratio of area of ads to area of news items would be, and more importantly, what shape and proportion of the paper would be cut, blank or serrated. My life had seemed so boring these last two years, and it was only now that I realized how much I’d missed out on because of not reading a certain newspaper.
It’d been about two years since I’d picked up a newspaper, and during my last visit to my parents’ home, I decided it was time to renew my relationship with the newspaper. As with all neglected relationships, something didn’t seem right the moment I’d established contact. From years of practice, my hands automatically stretched as wide as they thought they needed to be to fully embrace my old friend. But alas, the paper just slipped through my hands. That’s when I learnt the first lesson of relationships -affection decreases when attention is not paid to it. In this case, the paper had shrunk itself by a few inches.
I looked at the first sheet, hoping to grab the important stuff, as my eyes traversed through the two-inch-shorter length of the paper. I figured I could get my entire month’s grocery supplies 15% cheaper if I went to a particular store. I found stellar deals on orange hair dyes, automatic cabbage choppers, engine oil for Ambassadors and barf bags made of nylon. Lesson number two revealed itself to me -all good things come in smaller packages
Having been enlightened to such a large degree in the very first page, I excitedly turned to page two. Only to realize that only half of the first page had turned, while the bottom half remained firmly intact. Staring at the barf bag deal for 10 seconds wasn’t time enough to digest what an awesome deal it was, apparently. I gave it another 5 seconds, then carefully turned the bottom portion over. The main page two consisted of 4 big stories - one about a sordid murder story involving many permutations and combinations of spouses; another of a terrorist scam that led to another murky murder; a third, of a group of legislators who were placed under house arrest at a swanky resort away from the city for fear of being horse traded; and the last one was of a statistically accurate story about the correlation between age and the amount of money amassed by startup guys. I learnt another precious lesson on this page - that truth was not only stranger, but also way more entertaining than fiction. My heart ached for some mundane, predictable stuff, so I turned the tele on to the channel running my favourite soap.
Every time I turned a page, I’d guess about two things - what the ratio of area of ads to area of news items would be, and more importantly, what shape and proportion of the paper would be cut, blank or serrated. My life had seemed so boring these last two years, and it was only now that I realized how much I’d missed out on because of not reading a certain newspaper.