(no subject)
Just to clear things up: Feeling angry/helpless when I think of something that someone did to hurt me (or without caring whether they'd hurt me), and not trusting them anymore, doesn't mean I hate them. If I was going to turn all that energy I was pouring into trying to fix things into hating them instead, well, I'd rather just keep being a hopeless love-puppy, because that bitter twisty yuck feeling is not something I want to feel for very long - anger can be a cleansing flame, but if it burns too long when you don't need it to, you just end up with some blobby melted wax all over the place and no wick left to light when you need it again. The bitter-yuck feeling is like the melted wax that drowns your triumphant flame - and it really ruins one's appetite.
Things are pretty good right now. I'm content with the note that I left the getting-cheated-on-and-left-for-someone-else situation on, and I think that getting some distance and let letting go (of the super-intense, desperate, want-me feelings and the hurt) happen in its own good time (another link to Captain Awkward's Golden Retriever of Love post) is the best thing to do now with that. There are other people who want to spend time with me, want to make me happy, and so far as I know none of those other people want to fuck me over at the same time. I'm going to concentrate on making the time that other people spend with me as pleasant for them (well, both of us!) as possible - yeah, sometimes I'm going to get sad and want to talk about it, but that's going to be far from a lot of the time.
And I know that the people who care about me and love me don't mind me being sad sometimes, because it gives them an excuse to make me Sandwiches of Love (or cups-of-tea of love, or gin-and-tonic of love), and I'm not going to hide my feelings - being straightforward about how I'm feeling, even if my answer to 'how are you doing?' ends up being a grimace and a 'so-so' gesture before changing the subject, makes all the feelings a lot less stressful - just to avoid inconveniencing people. If someone finds my having feelings offensive, well, I don't think that their convenience is something I need to worry about.
I have got good and awesome people around me, and I'm going to spend my energy on those people rather than people who don't appreciate it. Also, I want to get to know people that I don't know very well, because there is a high chance of them also being good people.
Things are pretty good right now. I'm content with the note that I left the getting-cheated-on-and-left-for-someone-else situation on, and I think that getting some distance and let letting go (of the super-intense, desperate, want-me feelings and the hurt) happen in its own good time (another link to Captain Awkward's Golden Retriever of Love post) is the best thing to do now with that. There are other people who want to spend time with me, want to make me happy, and so far as I know none of those other people want to fuck me over at the same time. I'm going to concentrate on making the time that other people spend with me as pleasant for them (well, both of us!) as possible - yeah, sometimes I'm going to get sad and want to talk about it, but that's going to be far from a lot of the time.
And I know that the people who care about me and love me don't mind me being sad sometimes, because it gives them an excuse to make me Sandwiches of Love (or cups-of-tea of love, or gin-and-tonic of love), and I'm not going to hide my feelings - being straightforward about how I'm feeling, even if my answer to 'how are you doing?' ends up being a grimace and a 'so-so' gesture before changing the subject, makes all the feelings a lot less stressful - just to avoid inconveniencing people. If someone finds my having feelings offensive, well, I don't think that their convenience is something I need to worry about.
I have got good and awesome people around me, and I'm going to spend my energy on those people rather than people who don't appreciate it. Also, I want to get to know people that I don't know very well, because there is a high chance of them also being good people.