Getting better
The good news is, the meds seem to be working and I'm massively less suicidal than I was two weeks ago. In the standard pattern, I look back at the sort of things I was saying to myself then and can't fathom where they were coming from. I'm a bit less stable moodwise- bursting into tears at utterly random stuff or wanting to Run Everywhere And Kiss Everyone At Once- but that'll probably even out a bit after I've adjusted some more.
Still riding out the IBS-flare: I'm mostly living off of rice crispies and meat and sugary tea, as those are all easy-to-process things (I could never actually become a vegetarian, though I'm morally, economically and enviromentally in favour of reducing net meat consumption and replacing the excess with foods whose production is less bad for the enviroment- some people do actually require meat as part of their diets to stay healthy, and I'm one of them). Realised after a few days that eating yogurt wasn't actually helping, but actually was setting me back pain-and-fatigue-wise. Taking an afternoon off from trying to eat seems to have helped, unexpectedly- I wanted to stop being in pain for long enough to celebrate a friend's birthday at the pub, but then when I had some chips that night they didn't hurt me.
Root vegetables are a lot better carbs than cereals (even non-gluten-containing cereals like corn) when dealing with gut problems in general. Apparently sweet potato is good for blood-sugar regulation, too! I've been doing well with vegetables recently, too- seeing as my appetite has shrunk due to the flare I've been trying to eat the stuff-containing vitamins on my plate before the carbs so that I don't end up eating loads of potato and leaving veg/meat, so proportionally I've been eating more of them.
Today the plan is to shower, probably wash my hair, cook something when Alex gets back from his lecture (hopefully with some meat and more sweet potatoes), and then go to social to see people some more and probably wear myself out. I had a new crazy-related book arrive this morning, and I've already read half of it- I was interested to find that the main technique I've developed over the years for minimising my crazy (making sure that I see my friends regularly and have social engagements planned out well in advance, touching base with Team Me when I'm starting to feel more unbalanced) is actually a thing which other people's doctors recommend to them with the name 'Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy'. Apparently there's a load of theory about how Crazy (I'm not going to put specific diagnosis names on here...) becomes a problem when your 'life rhythms' are interupted, and ISRT focusses of working out the rhythms (and then sticking to them) that make one's life run most smoothly. I think I'll show that chapter to my doctor when I next see her.
...I think that that shortened very made it sound a bit woo. It's more about scheduling and putting things onto your metaphorical plate in such a way that they make things easier for you rather than more difficult, with a side of 'routines are comforting' (because they are). It's also made me think about my tendancy when Lacking Insight (the medical name for when one's WIS score is significantly de-buffed by crazy) to be all 'my mood and fuctionality level should be independent of how and how much I am interacting with people and I don't need a man/woman/romantic partner!' (except that I feel a lot better and start off in a much better place mentally if I wake up to hugs, and also all of humanity is interdependant and we are social animals* who naturally group together because it's good for us!)
Lots of thinking. Books which make one think about stuff are good. I'm becoming very aware that learning to deal with my brain and its cycles over the last few years - probably starting around three years ago, really, as before that I was still just letting whatever happened happen - has resulting in me training WIS (possibly by means of stealing out of my INT score, but what's the use of a high INT if you don't actually use it properly, eh?) quite significantly.
*To varying extents, with varying preferences as to how that social contact occurs- some people are more socially refreshed by large groups, and some by connecting with one other person at a time, or in between. My personal ideal is hanging out with two or three other people- it's a small gathering, so it's less stressful/noisy, but there are enough people that I can rest from being entertaining if I want to without worrying that I'm being boring.