(no subject)
Title: Between Here and Now and Forever, Chapter 4
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: The Founders, various OCs
Rating: PG
Summary: As the school year continues, Rowena's mother writes to warn of an impending visit. Meanwhile, one of the students may not have asked permission before showing up at Hogwarts. 3818 words.
Author's Note: thinkatory continues to beta. Apologies for the terrible lateness; I felt the full force of Murphy's Law this first week of school. (Long story short: 1.) had no internet, 2.) lost my keys, 3.) plagued by small explosions in the refrigerator, 4.) partnered with Wesley Crusher in lab.)
Chapter 1
Master Founders post
Chapter 3
As September progressed students trickled in from all areas, though they didn't seem to be coming from as many of the larger families. Rowena knew that this was probably because the Wizard's Council had not formally approved the school, though Salazar was the head of one of the Thirteen Houses by which it was governed. She suspected her mother had spoken against it. Lord Slytherin might have been one of the most powerful members of the Wizard's Council, but Rowena's mother, Lady Aeaeae, was Chief.
Ah, yes. Rowena's mother. That was an interesting subject if ever there was one.
Most people with embarrassing relatives usually pretended that they didn't exist. Batty old aunts or black-sheep-of-the-family sons were prime targets for this sort of thing. "Aunt?" one could say, "I haven't got an aunt! What gave you a silly idea like that?"
On the other hand, everyone had a mother.
It wasn't that Rowena didn't love her mother. She did. She just didn't get along with her very well. Rowena wasn't sure if it was that her mother wanted to control everything about Rowena's life, or if it was because her attitude towards government was roughly the same as her attitude towards parenting, but with more oubliettes and torture chambers.
So when her mother owled her, saying that she would be coming to see the school, Rowena nearly choked on her porridge.
"Is something wrong?" asked Jasper as her face turned green.
"No!" she said a bit too quickly. Perhaps she could salvage the situation. Her mother's handwriting wasn't particularly legible, after all - perhaps she'd written that she wanted to go back to her roots and move to Greece, though this was unlikely. Mother never had cared for that sort of thing. It wasn't fashionable.
"What's this?" asked Godric, rudely reaching over Jasper's head and grabbing the scroll.
"Give it back!" said Rowena, forgetting that her spoon was not a wand and pointing it at Godric.
"That's terribly threatening," he said sarcastically. Upon unrolling the scroll, however, he shouted "Ack! My eyes, my eyes!" With a hand over his eyes, he gave the scroll to Basil, saying, "It's full of Dark magic!"
"It seems to be some sort of cryptic prophecy," said Basil, turning it sideways and squinting. "If we could only figure out what these ancient symbols meant --"
"Give it back!" shouted Rowena, readying herself to dump porridge all over Basil's head.
"Good Lord, Rowena," said Helga. "How do you decipher this, anyway? She should send a clearly printed answer key with each letter."
"And what's this about a... 'yak-infested'... er... 'particulate?'" asked Godric, turning his head sideways so that he could read it, or at least pretend to.
"That," said Rowena, finally grabbing the letter from Helga, "is none of your business. With friends like you, I should be paid one Galleon a week per enemy."
"Ooh, am I being counted as a friend?" asked Godric with an air of great surprise.
"No, you're one of the enemies," snapped Rowena.
"What? I'm only worth a Galleon?"
Rowena simply rolled her eyes. She'd been having a perfectly good week -- all of her students had scored highly on the last test she'd given, which meant she could go on to something more complex than Levitation. And now this! It simply was not fair. Then again, she supposed that she was luckier than most.
"How is your mother, anyway?" asked Helga, in an attempt to cheer her up.
"She's... she's my mother, Helga," said Rowena.
"Ah," said Helga, nodding understandingly. She cocked her head. "That would go with you being her daughter, then?"
"She's coming to visit," Rowena said impulsively, immediately regretting it.
"Is she bringing an answer key?" asked Basil, leaning forward eagerly.
Helga gently hit him over the head with an empty plate. "Basil, be nice."
"I am being nice! This is me being nice! You don't think I'm nice?"
"Basil, shut up," said Helga pleasantly. "And pass me the milk."
"I don't think I've ever met your mother," said Godric, with some interest. If she'd believed in extra-sensory powers, she'd have thought Godric knew exactly the worst thing to say in any conversation.
"That's because you hid in the corner when she came," said Rowena. "Consider yourself lucky."
"Oh, was that her?" Godric asked.
"Oh, don't exaggerate so much," said Helga. "Your mother's actually very nice."
"Nng," said Rowena eloquently, putting her hands over her face.
"She's just a little... er... controlling," said Helga tactfully.
"I don't think you need to defend my own mother for me, Helga," sighed Rowena.
"Well you don't seem to be doing a very good job," said Helga.
"That's because she's beyond defense."
Helga sighed and got up from the table. "Oh, never mind. Now remember, the meeting is in the greenhouse before lunch," she told them. Rowena and Basil rolled their eyes as though they'd been reminded all-too-often, but Godric suddenly sat up straight.
"Ink," he muttered under his breath for reasons understood only by him. From the depths of his pockets he pulled a quill and a bottle of ink, and proceeded to write something on the palm of his hand in large red letters, but whatever it was promptly got ruined when he closed his hand and the wet ink went all over. The others had by now finished breakfast, and soon the Great Hall was empty.
* * *
Later that day, Helga dismissed her literacy class, which she and Rowena taught alternately. This was a class to teach the less-educated children how to read and write, and it would hopefully be extended to teaching proper Latin later when the students had learned how to write phonetically in the langue d'oïl.
Rowena was already waiting outside when the students left. With only one small class of students running around the school, the castle was largely empty, and teachers had entirely too much free time on their hands. Not that anyone else seemed to mind this, but Helga had an unfortunate tendency to become bored. When she'd been commissioned to do the security trees for Lord Salazar's castle, Basil had had to keep her from making the willows breathe fire and spit venom. Helga was the kind of person who needed to be kept busy, or she would keep herself busy.
But Rowena still looked upset. It was just like Rowena, to get upset about the little things and miss the big picture entirely.
"Oh, come on, it's not all that bad, now, is it?" said Helga.
"She's going to try and get me married again, Helga, I just know it," said Rowena despairingly. "And I just can't put up with that, not now with Helena starting school -- I think Helena's finally forgotten."
"Forgotten what?" asked Helga.
"Her father," said Rowena with a sigh.
"Good riddance," said Helga, moving some potted plants from the table to the corner of the greenhouse.
"You shouldn't say that," said Rowena, digging her finger absently into some soil.
"Well, you didn't like him, I don't see why I should," said Helga, crossing her arms. "After all, it's his own bloody fault he's dead. If he'd let you look into some good healing potions, he'd be alive and, er... as well as a Muggle gets, at any rate. And don't look so guilty!" she snapped at Rowena. She inspected the students' projects - one of the plants was getting frightfully over-watered and the roots were sticking out above the soil, gasping for air. "That de Malfoie boy. How's he doing in Charms?"
"Julian?" asked Rowena, brightening. "Oh, he's my best student."
"Is he?" asked Helga in surprise.
"Why?"
"Oh, nothing, he's just giving his poor beans root-rot. Frightfully earnest boy, at least."
"Beans?" asked Rowena. "You're not making them grow Venus Mantraps?" she asked in disbelief. "Why are they growing just beans?"
"Ah," said Helga, "but they're magic beans!"
"Where have I heard that one before?" asked Basil from the door. He was carrying a large bundle of scrolls under one arm.
"You, Master Wolf, are in quite the wrong story," said Helga.
"But in this one nobody gets eaten," said Basil. "Good afternoon, milord," he said, tipping an imaginary hat to Lord Slytherin.
"Magic beans?" Lord Slytherin asked. "No giants, please, they make cleaning the castle quite a task. Peeves is beginning to grumble." Peeves was one of Lord Slytherin's goblin servants. "Not that he doesn't already, of course." Now they were only waiting for Godric, as Jasper was teaching a class this hour. It was a good thing, too, reflected Helga, because she really didn't think Rowena needed anything more to be irritated at.
Godric was ten minutes late. Predictably, Rowena glared at him, and predictably, he glared right back.
Well, it's not as though she can blame him for being so late, thought Helga. After all, she did put him in that tower, and it's far away from nearly everything.
"What's that?" asked Godric, pointing at one of her latest experiments, a plant with long, streaming vines straggling out of it, waving in every direction. Each vine was dotted with small, elegantly-curved thorns.
"Oh, that's my Venomous Tentacula," said Helga.
"Tentacula?" Rowena asked, studying the plant with great interest.
"Venomous?" asked Godric, with equal but opposite interest. He edged away from it, carefully.
"Aren't Tentaculas found mainly in Africa?" asked Rowena, peering at the plant.
"Venomous?" repeated Godric. Helga blinked at him.
"Yes, venomous," she said cheerfully, nodding. "This new strain creates a poison not unlike the venom of the three-headed Runespoor, which is also native to Africa."
"How did you manage to do that?" asked Lord Salazar curiously.
"Well, -- and you probably already know this, but -- the rightmost head - the poisonous one," clarified Helga, "retains some of its --"
Godric cleared his throat. "Are you telling us that there is an extremely poisonous plant sitting right over there and it's ready to reach out and bite any one of us?" He was looking at the plant as though it might jump out of its pot at any moment. "It's just sitting there without any wards around it?"
Helga rolled her eyes. "Really, Godric, you're making a big fuss over nothing," she said. "Besides, I fed it just this morning. It won't be hungry for at least an hour," she said.
"But that thing is dangerous!" said Godric.
"Godric, shut up and stop whining," snapped Rowena. "Helga can take care of herself."
"Yeah, but I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about me," said Godric.
"Yes, because you're a coward," said Rowena.
"So what if I am?" he asked, shrugging.
"If it means that much to you," said Lord Salazar, holding up a hand to stop the argument, "I will begin looking for an antidote to Runespoor venom immediately. May I assume they are nearly the same?" he asked Helga.
Before Helga had a chance to answer his question, the door flew open, and there stood Jasper, looking as though he'd just run from Marathon to Athens.
"What are you doing here?" asked Rowena, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"I -- er, I was teaching my class, and suddenly, Alice - or was it Gwen? I can't keep the two apart --"
"Never mind that," said Basil, "what's going on?"
"She was looking out the window, not paying attention at all --"
"And?" asked Rowena.
"And there are a hundred Muggles standing outside with weapons."
The others stood dumbfounded for a second or two, but Helga broke the silence. "The willows!" she snarled. "If they laid a hand on those willows, they're going to die!"
"Well, if they get within ten feet of them, the willows will kill them anyway," Godric pointed out.
"We can't kill them," said Basil. "The Wizards' Council will --"
"You forget, I'm on the Wizards' Council," said Lord Salazar.
"We'd better not hurt them, though," said Rowena. "If we do, all of the other Muggles will want to avenge their deaths or something like that. Very bandwagonish, Muggles."
"How else are we going to get rid of them, though?" asked Jasper.
"What we need," said Rowena thoughtfully, "is something to frighten them. Can any of you do illusions? We need to be able to produce a dragon or something..."
"No, no, not a dragon," said Godric. "Haven't you ever heard of St. George?"
Rowena shook her head.
"A Muggle who took on a full-grown Welsh Green-Hebridean hybrid because he thought it was the Devil," explained Basil. "And won." The others looked impressed.
"No, no, what we need is something that isn't going to be mistaken for evil incarnate," said Godric. "Something familiar enough that they won't want to kill it immediately. It ought to be at least vaguely human." An evil grin spread slowly across Rowena's face. She caught Helga's eye, and nodded her head slightly toward Godric. Helga agreed with her; if anyone was going to be mistaken for evil incarnate, it wasn't Godric. The object of their silent conversation continued on, oblivious. "A simulacrum, perhaps, or... what?" he asked suddenly, realizing that they were staring at him. "Vaguely human!" he said, voice rising in panic. "It has to be vaguely human!" He backed into the Venomous Tentacula, which wrapped a vine around his wrist. There was no escaping it now.
* * *
"Are you certain that this is a good idea?" Godric asked nervously, although they'd spent the last few minutes explaining to him that this was a very good idea. He was clutching his wrist where the Tentacula had tried to bite him; it still stung a bit.
"Of course it's a good idea, as it's mine," said Rowena simply, as though she didn't think he'd understand the longer explanation.
"I should have known," he muttered. Oh, please God, let me live, he thought to himself as the Muggles' battering ram slammed against the door again. "What if I die?" he asked suddenly.
"Don't worry," said Rowena cheerfully, "no one will miss you." She looked as though she might try to pat him on the head.
"Rowena!" Helga snapped. "If you die, we'll have a nice funeral," she said reassuringly.
"It had better be nice," he growled to himself. I will not panic. I will not die. There's only an army out there waiting to kill me, after all! "There are Muggles out there! Muggles! Do you know what they do to people? They burn them or poke their eyes out with fire or they throw stones at them until their skulls are -- are -- are all --" He shuddered. "And that's without killing them first!"
"There wouldn't be much point to the punishment if they burnt them dead," said Rowena dryly. "Oh, that reminds me, don't forget your cloak. It's bound to be nippy."
"Yes, milady," said Godric, rolling his eyes. Rowena glared, and she reached for her wand, but before she could do anything Godric was out the door. He shut it quickly behind him. It was better to face angry Muggles than an angry Rowena.
Or was it? He gulped, looking around at the mass of soldiers, each clutching a long, deadly-looking pike. There were six men holding up a battering ram, although one let go when he saw Godric. The rest found it too heavy and dropped it on their toes.
"Er..." said Godric, wondering where to start. He lifted the battering ram off the soldiers' feet so they would stop howling. "Good morning," he said politely to the man who appeared to be their leader. He had a thin, pale face.
The Fearless Leader's expression changed from frightened to puzzled. "We demand that you surrender!" he said, shaking one fist up at Godric.
"Well, that's very... too bad," said Godric, wringing his hands. "I think maybe you should revise your demand -- it's a bit more than they're willing to do, you see. Now, me, I think surrender's generally a really good idea when you're outnumbered, but --"
"Then I challenge you! To a fight! To the death!" said Fearless Leader, waving his fist in the air at the end of every sentence. He sounded like every cliché hero there had ever been put together using bad Amputatis Charms.
Godric started to feel a bit queasy. In his mind, Rowena laughed, Don't worry, no one will miss you, over and over again. "I'd really rather not," he said. "Erm... your army is running away, you know," he added helpfully.
"What?" asked Fearless Leader, whirling around. It was true -- most of the Muggles had dropped their weapons and were retreating quickly. "Stop! Would all of you stop! Please? STOP! I'M RAISING THE TAXES! COWARDS!"
Suddenly, something clicked in Godric's head. "You wouldn't happen to be Julian de Malfoie's father, would you?" he asked.
Fearless Leader turned back to Godric, eyes wide. "What have you done with Julian?"
"Nothing at all," said Godric, "he's actually very good at Charms, I've heard, and also -- erk!" Lord de Malfoie had picked up one of the pikes and held it at Godric's throat. Godric grabbed it back. "Now look here, you're going to hurt someone with that!" he said, breaking the weapon in half. "I was going to invite you in for lunch," said Godric, "but if you're going to start grabbing sharp objects and ramming them at people, I suppose you're just going to have to leave," he said, glaring at Lord de Malfoie as he would at a misbehaving student.
Something in de Malfoie's face changed. "You're not a demon, are you?" he asked.
"No," said Godric, "I'm a teacher. Come in," he said, "it's getting rather cold." He pushed at the door, but it didn't move. "Rowena!" he shouted through the wood, "if you don't let me in, I'm going to break this door down, spell or no spell!"
He heard a flurry of muffled voices - Lord Salazar ("He won't really do that, will he?"), Helga ("Rowena! Do you know how much doors like that cost? You're wasting trees!"), and Rowena ("All right, all right! You have no sense of humor, Helga. Finite incantatem!"). The door opened, and he let himself in. Hesitantly, Lord de Malfoie stepped into the castle, perhaps expecting everyone else to look like Godric. He was met with an angry chorus of "Godric!"
"This is Julian's father, Lord de Malfoie," said Godric. De Malfoie blinked.
There was silence for a moment, then Rowena said "Oh!" Shaking de Malfoie's hand, she continued. "Julian is one of my best students," she said, becoming Happy Teacher Lady. Godric groaned: he hated Happy Teacher Lady. "Come, won't you join us for lunch?"
"We have very good house-elves," added Helga, who, though she looked concerned, tactfully neglected to mention the whole army-attacking-the-castle bit.
"H-house-elves?" De Malfoie looked bewildered.
"Yes, house-elves. You should try them, they're quite efficient," said Rowena, "much better than human servants."
Lord Slytherin eyed their guest with suspicion, as though he expected the man before them to metamorphose into a Dementor. "Jasper," he said, turning to his son, "let the students out of the common rooms, would you? And get Peeves. I want him to take notes. And have him send out a team to retrieve and count the army. And the weapons, don't forget to keep track of those."
Jasper nodded and hurried away.
* * *
"Checkmate," said Helena, grinning widely.
"That's the third time she's beaten you, Julian," said Devlin, looking up from his Literacy assignment, a word search puzzle. "I think you'd better just give up."
"Oh, shut u-- what are you doing here?" he sputtered, upon seeing his father enter the common room.
"You needn't sound so horrified. I came to rescue you," said his father. "They told me about your trick, sneaking out of the monastery," he added.
"But it was so boring there!" protested Julian.
"Yeah!" said Helena. "Here he can lose to me at chess!"
Julian threw a pawn at her, and she ducked, sticking her tongue out. "I won every game yesterday!" he told her.
"And thanks to you, I'm going to have to retrieve about a hundred of my men from the woods," Lord de Malfoie added nonchalantly.
"Do I have to leave?" asked Julian. "I'm in the middle of a game here," he said, setting up the pieces again and grabbing the pawn back from Helena.
"It looked like you'd just finished," observed his father.
"Er..." said Julian, frozen for a moment. "Oh! We're playing the best out of three!" he invented, shooting a look at Helena that said, Please play along?
"That's all right," said his father. "You can stay here. Just -- be good, and do your homework, and listen to Lady Ravenclaw, and be careful who you trust. Lots of commoners about, they'll probably try and steal everything you have."
At this, Devlin pretended to be in rapt contemplation of the wonders of the alphabet. "And eat your vegetables," he muttered to himself. Lord de Malfoie gave him a strange look, but let it pass.
"Er... how's Cassius?" asked Julian.
"He's doing very well in his training, from what I understand. I'm sure he will do admirably in my place," said Lord de Malfoie. Julian winced; his older brother was seemingly perfect in every way in the eyes of his father. "What kind of lunch do they serve in this place?" asked Lord de Malfoie.
"Oh, it's very good," said Julian. Devlin nodded, before remembering that he was supposed to be blending in. "They don't go all-out for normal lunches like they do at the feasts, of course, but it's still much better than -- it's. It's good. Er. Not that Aedelthryd is terrible or anything," he said hastily. He worried that perhaps his father would insist upon sitting next to him at lunch, so that Julian wouldn't get a chance to talk to anyone else, or even eat, but thankfully his father seemed quite content at the High Table, conveniently seated between Lady Ravenclaw and Master Slytherin.
* * *
Rowena picked at her food while Lord de Malfoie spoke hesitantly with Jasper. She noted Julian shooting anxious looks at his father from the student's table. Sending a disapproving glance at Helena, who was taking too many pieces of bread, she decided that she'd just have to work out some way to keep her mother at home.
I'll say we've all come down with dragon pox, and -- no, she's had that already, it wouldn't do any good... we've all got leprosy -- no, no, she'd insist upon visiting so I could make a will... I know! We're preparing a very delicate enchantment that will keep the school from being destroyed -- No, she'd want to see how it worked so she could get around it...
This would definitely require some thought.
Chapter 5
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: The Founders, various OCs
Rating: PG
Summary: As the school year continues, Rowena's mother writes to warn of an impending visit. Meanwhile, one of the students may not have asked permission before showing up at Hogwarts. 3818 words.
Author's Note: thinkatory continues to beta. Apologies for the terrible lateness; I felt the full force of Murphy's Law this first week of school. (Long story short: 1.) had no internet, 2.) lost my keys, 3.) plagued by small explosions in the refrigerator, 4.) partnered with Wesley Crusher in lab.)
Chapter 1
Master Founders post
Chapter 3
As September progressed students trickled in from all areas, though they didn't seem to be coming from as many of the larger families. Rowena knew that this was probably because the Wizard's Council had not formally approved the school, though Salazar was the head of one of the Thirteen Houses by which it was governed. She suspected her mother had spoken against it. Lord Slytherin might have been one of the most powerful members of the Wizard's Council, but Rowena's mother, Lady Aeaeae, was Chief.
Ah, yes. Rowena's mother. That was an interesting subject if ever there was one.
Most people with embarrassing relatives usually pretended that they didn't exist. Batty old aunts or black-sheep-of-the-family sons were prime targets for this sort of thing. "Aunt?" one could say, "I haven't got an aunt! What gave you a silly idea like that?"
On the other hand, everyone had a mother.
It wasn't that Rowena didn't love her mother. She did. She just didn't get along with her very well. Rowena wasn't sure if it was that her mother wanted to control everything about Rowena's life, or if it was because her attitude towards government was roughly the same as her attitude towards parenting, but with more oubliettes and torture chambers.
So when her mother owled her, saying that she would be coming to see the school, Rowena nearly choked on her porridge.
"Is something wrong?" asked Jasper as her face turned green.
"No!" she said a bit too quickly. Perhaps she could salvage the situation. Her mother's handwriting wasn't particularly legible, after all - perhaps she'd written that she wanted to go back to her roots and move to Greece, though this was unlikely. Mother never had cared for that sort of thing. It wasn't fashionable.
"What's this?" asked Godric, rudely reaching over Jasper's head and grabbing the scroll.
"Give it back!" said Rowena, forgetting that her spoon was not a wand and pointing it at Godric.
"That's terribly threatening," he said sarcastically. Upon unrolling the scroll, however, he shouted "Ack! My eyes, my eyes!" With a hand over his eyes, he gave the scroll to Basil, saying, "It's full of Dark magic!"
"It seems to be some sort of cryptic prophecy," said Basil, turning it sideways and squinting. "If we could only figure out what these ancient symbols meant --"
"Give it back!" shouted Rowena, readying herself to dump porridge all over Basil's head.
"Good Lord, Rowena," said Helga. "How do you decipher this, anyway? She should send a clearly printed answer key with each letter."
"And what's this about a... 'yak-infested'... er... 'particulate?'" asked Godric, turning his head sideways so that he could read it, or at least pretend to.
"That," said Rowena, finally grabbing the letter from Helga, "is none of your business. With friends like you, I should be paid one Galleon a week per enemy."
"Ooh, am I being counted as a friend?" asked Godric with an air of great surprise.
"No, you're one of the enemies," snapped Rowena.
"What? I'm only worth a Galleon?"
Rowena simply rolled her eyes. She'd been having a perfectly good week -- all of her students had scored highly on the last test she'd given, which meant she could go on to something more complex than Levitation. And now this! It simply was not fair. Then again, she supposed that she was luckier than most.
"How is your mother, anyway?" asked Helga, in an attempt to cheer her up.
"She's... she's my mother, Helga," said Rowena.
"Ah," said Helga, nodding understandingly. She cocked her head. "That would go with you being her daughter, then?"
"She's coming to visit," Rowena said impulsively, immediately regretting it.
"Is she bringing an answer key?" asked Basil, leaning forward eagerly.
Helga gently hit him over the head with an empty plate. "Basil, be nice."
"I am being nice! This is me being nice! You don't think I'm nice?"
"Basil, shut up," said Helga pleasantly. "And pass me the milk."
"I don't think I've ever met your mother," said Godric, with some interest. If she'd believed in extra-sensory powers, she'd have thought Godric knew exactly the worst thing to say in any conversation.
"That's because you hid in the corner when she came," said Rowena. "Consider yourself lucky."
"Oh, was that her?" Godric asked.
"Oh, don't exaggerate so much," said Helga. "Your mother's actually very nice."
"Nng," said Rowena eloquently, putting her hands over her face.
"She's just a little... er... controlling," said Helga tactfully.
"I don't think you need to defend my own mother for me, Helga," sighed Rowena.
"Well you don't seem to be doing a very good job," said Helga.
"That's because she's beyond defense."
Helga sighed and got up from the table. "Oh, never mind. Now remember, the meeting is in the greenhouse before lunch," she told them. Rowena and Basil rolled their eyes as though they'd been reminded all-too-often, but Godric suddenly sat up straight.
"Ink," he muttered under his breath for reasons understood only by him. From the depths of his pockets he pulled a quill and a bottle of ink, and proceeded to write something on the palm of his hand in large red letters, but whatever it was promptly got ruined when he closed his hand and the wet ink went all over. The others had by now finished breakfast, and soon the Great Hall was empty.
* * *
Later that day, Helga dismissed her literacy class, which she and Rowena taught alternately. This was a class to teach the less-educated children how to read and write, and it would hopefully be extended to teaching proper Latin later when the students had learned how to write phonetically in the langue d'oïl.
Rowena was already waiting outside when the students left. With only one small class of students running around the school, the castle was largely empty, and teachers had entirely too much free time on their hands. Not that anyone else seemed to mind this, but Helga had an unfortunate tendency to become bored. When she'd been commissioned to do the security trees for Lord Salazar's castle, Basil had had to keep her from making the willows breathe fire and spit venom. Helga was the kind of person who needed to be kept busy, or she would keep herself busy.
But Rowena still looked upset. It was just like Rowena, to get upset about the little things and miss the big picture entirely.
"Oh, come on, it's not all that bad, now, is it?" said Helga.
"She's going to try and get me married again, Helga, I just know it," said Rowena despairingly. "And I just can't put up with that, not now with Helena starting school -- I think Helena's finally forgotten."
"Forgotten what?" asked Helga.
"Her father," said Rowena with a sigh.
"Good riddance," said Helga, moving some potted plants from the table to the corner of the greenhouse.
"You shouldn't say that," said Rowena, digging her finger absently into some soil.
"Well, you didn't like him, I don't see why I should," said Helga, crossing her arms. "After all, it's his own bloody fault he's dead. If he'd let you look into some good healing potions, he'd be alive and, er... as well as a Muggle gets, at any rate. And don't look so guilty!" she snapped at Rowena. She inspected the students' projects - one of the plants was getting frightfully over-watered and the roots were sticking out above the soil, gasping for air. "That de Malfoie boy. How's he doing in Charms?"
"Julian?" asked Rowena, brightening. "Oh, he's my best student."
"Is he?" asked Helga in surprise.
"Why?"
"Oh, nothing, he's just giving his poor beans root-rot. Frightfully earnest boy, at least."
"Beans?" asked Rowena. "You're not making them grow Venus Mantraps?" she asked in disbelief. "Why are they growing just beans?"
"Ah," said Helga, "but they're magic beans!"
"Where have I heard that one before?" asked Basil from the door. He was carrying a large bundle of scrolls under one arm.
"You, Master Wolf, are in quite the wrong story," said Helga.
"But in this one nobody gets eaten," said Basil. "Good afternoon, milord," he said, tipping an imaginary hat to Lord Slytherin.
"Magic beans?" Lord Slytherin asked. "No giants, please, they make cleaning the castle quite a task. Peeves is beginning to grumble." Peeves was one of Lord Slytherin's goblin servants. "Not that he doesn't already, of course." Now they were only waiting for Godric, as Jasper was teaching a class this hour. It was a good thing, too, reflected Helga, because she really didn't think Rowena needed anything more to be irritated at.
Godric was ten minutes late. Predictably, Rowena glared at him, and predictably, he glared right back.
Well, it's not as though she can blame him for being so late, thought Helga. After all, she did put him in that tower, and it's far away from nearly everything.
"What's that?" asked Godric, pointing at one of her latest experiments, a plant with long, streaming vines straggling out of it, waving in every direction. Each vine was dotted with small, elegantly-curved thorns.
"Oh, that's my Venomous Tentacula," said Helga.
"Tentacula?" Rowena asked, studying the plant with great interest.
"Venomous?" asked Godric, with equal but opposite interest. He edged away from it, carefully.
"Aren't Tentaculas found mainly in Africa?" asked Rowena, peering at the plant.
"Venomous?" repeated Godric. Helga blinked at him.
"Yes, venomous," she said cheerfully, nodding. "This new strain creates a poison not unlike the venom of the three-headed Runespoor, which is also native to Africa."
"How did you manage to do that?" asked Lord Salazar curiously.
"Well, -- and you probably already know this, but -- the rightmost head - the poisonous one," clarified Helga, "retains some of its --"
Godric cleared his throat. "Are you telling us that there is an extremely poisonous plant sitting right over there and it's ready to reach out and bite any one of us?" He was looking at the plant as though it might jump out of its pot at any moment. "It's just sitting there without any wards around it?"
Helga rolled her eyes. "Really, Godric, you're making a big fuss over nothing," she said. "Besides, I fed it just this morning. It won't be hungry for at least an hour," she said.
"But that thing is dangerous!" said Godric.
"Godric, shut up and stop whining," snapped Rowena. "Helga can take care of herself."
"Yeah, but I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about me," said Godric.
"Yes, because you're a coward," said Rowena.
"So what if I am?" he asked, shrugging.
"If it means that much to you," said Lord Salazar, holding up a hand to stop the argument, "I will begin looking for an antidote to Runespoor venom immediately. May I assume they are nearly the same?" he asked Helga.
Before Helga had a chance to answer his question, the door flew open, and there stood Jasper, looking as though he'd just run from Marathon to Athens.
"What are you doing here?" asked Rowena, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"I -- er, I was teaching my class, and suddenly, Alice - or was it Gwen? I can't keep the two apart --"
"Never mind that," said Basil, "what's going on?"
"She was looking out the window, not paying attention at all --"
"And?" asked Rowena.
"And there are a hundred Muggles standing outside with weapons."
The others stood dumbfounded for a second or two, but Helga broke the silence. "The willows!" she snarled. "If they laid a hand on those willows, they're going to die!"
"Well, if they get within ten feet of them, the willows will kill them anyway," Godric pointed out.
"We can't kill them," said Basil. "The Wizards' Council will --"
"You forget, I'm on the Wizards' Council," said Lord Salazar.
"We'd better not hurt them, though," said Rowena. "If we do, all of the other Muggles will want to avenge their deaths or something like that. Very bandwagonish, Muggles."
"How else are we going to get rid of them, though?" asked Jasper.
"What we need," said Rowena thoughtfully, "is something to frighten them. Can any of you do illusions? We need to be able to produce a dragon or something..."
"No, no, not a dragon," said Godric. "Haven't you ever heard of St. George?"
Rowena shook her head.
"A Muggle who took on a full-grown Welsh Green-Hebridean hybrid because he thought it was the Devil," explained Basil. "And won." The others looked impressed.
"No, no, what we need is something that isn't going to be mistaken for evil incarnate," said Godric. "Something familiar enough that they won't want to kill it immediately. It ought to be at least vaguely human." An evil grin spread slowly across Rowena's face. She caught Helga's eye, and nodded her head slightly toward Godric. Helga agreed with her; if anyone was going to be mistaken for evil incarnate, it wasn't Godric. The object of their silent conversation continued on, oblivious. "A simulacrum, perhaps, or... what?" he asked suddenly, realizing that they were staring at him. "Vaguely human!" he said, voice rising in panic. "It has to be vaguely human!" He backed into the Venomous Tentacula, which wrapped a vine around his wrist. There was no escaping it now.
* * *
"Are you certain that this is a good idea?" Godric asked nervously, although they'd spent the last few minutes explaining to him that this was a very good idea. He was clutching his wrist where the Tentacula had tried to bite him; it still stung a bit.
"Of course it's a good idea, as it's mine," said Rowena simply, as though she didn't think he'd understand the longer explanation.
"I should have known," he muttered. Oh, please God, let me live, he thought to himself as the Muggles' battering ram slammed against the door again. "What if I die?" he asked suddenly.
"Don't worry," said Rowena cheerfully, "no one will miss you." She looked as though she might try to pat him on the head.
"Rowena!" Helga snapped. "If you die, we'll have a nice funeral," she said reassuringly.
"It had better be nice," he growled to himself. I will not panic. I will not die. There's only an army out there waiting to kill me, after all! "There are Muggles out there! Muggles! Do you know what they do to people? They burn them or poke their eyes out with fire or they throw stones at them until their skulls are -- are -- are all --" He shuddered. "And that's without killing them first!"
"There wouldn't be much point to the punishment if they burnt them dead," said Rowena dryly. "Oh, that reminds me, don't forget your cloak. It's bound to be nippy."
"Yes, milady," said Godric, rolling his eyes. Rowena glared, and she reached for her wand, but before she could do anything Godric was out the door. He shut it quickly behind him. It was better to face angry Muggles than an angry Rowena.
Or was it? He gulped, looking around at the mass of soldiers, each clutching a long, deadly-looking pike. There were six men holding up a battering ram, although one let go when he saw Godric. The rest found it too heavy and dropped it on their toes.
"Er..." said Godric, wondering where to start. He lifted the battering ram off the soldiers' feet so they would stop howling. "Good morning," he said politely to the man who appeared to be their leader. He had a thin, pale face.
The Fearless Leader's expression changed from frightened to puzzled. "We demand that you surrender!" he said, shaking one fist up at Godric.
"Well, that's very... too bad," said Godric, wringing his hands. "I think maybe you should revise your demand -- it's a bit more than they're willing to do, you see. Now, me, I think surrender's generally a really good idea when you're outnumbered, but --"
"Then I challenge you! To a fight! To the death!" said Fearless Leader, waving his fist in the air at the end of every sentence. He sounded like every cliché hero there had ever been put together using bad Amputatis Charms.
Godric started to feel a bit queasy. In his mind, Rowena laughed, Don't worry, no one will miss you, over and over again. "I'd really rather not," he said. "Erm... your army is running away, you know," he added helpfully.
"What?" asked Fearless Leader, whirling around. It was true -- most of the Muggles had dropped their weapons and were retreating quickly. "Stop! Would all of you stop! Please? STOP! I'M RAISING THE TAXES! COWARDS!"
Suddenly, something clicked in Godric's head. "You wouldn't happen to be Julian de Malfoie's father, would you?" he asked.
Fearless Leader turned back to Godric, eyes wide. "What have you done with Julian?"
"Nothing at all," said Godric, "he's actually very good at Charms, I've heard, and also -- erk!" Lord de Malfoie had picked up one of the pikes and held it at Godric's throat. Godric grabbed it back. "Now look here, you're going to hurt someone with that!" he said, breaking the weapon in half. "I was going to invite you in for lunch," said Godric, "but if you're going to start grabbing sharp objects and ramming them at people, I suppose you're just going to have to leave," he said, glaring at Lord de Malfoie as he would at a misbehaving student.
Something in de Malfoie's face changed. "You're not a demon, are you?" he asked.
"No," said Godric, "I'm a teacher. Come in," he said, "it's getting rather cold." He pushed at the door, but it didn't move. "Rowena!" he shouted through the wood, "if you don't let me in, I'm going to break this door down, spell or no spell!"
He heard a flurry of muffled voices - Lord Salazar ("He won't really do that, will he?"), Helga ("Rowena! Do you know how much doors like that cost? You're wasting trees!"), and Rowena ("All right, all right! You have no sense of humor, Helga. Finite incantatem!"). The door opened, and he let himself in. Hesitantly, Lord de Malfoie stepped into the castle, perhaps expecting everyone else to look like Godric. He was met with an angry chorus of "Godric!"
"This is Julian's father, Lord de Malfoie," said Godric. De Malfoie blinked.
There was silence for a moment, then Rowena said "Oh!" Shaking de Malfoie's hand, she continued. "Julian is one of my best students," she said, becoming Happy Teacher Lady. Godric groaned: he hated Happy Teacher Lady. "Come, won't you join us for lunch?"
"We have very good house-elves," added Helga, who, though she looked concerned, tactfully neglected to mention the whole army-attacking-the-castle bit.
"H-house-elves?" De Malfoie looked bewildered.
"Yes, house-elves. You should try them, they're quite efficient," said Rowena, "much better than human servants."
Lord Slytherin eyed their guest with suspicion, as though he expected the man before them to metamorphose into a Dementor. "Jasper," he said, turning to his son, "let the students out of the common rooms, would you? And get Peeves. I want him to take notes. And have him send out a team to retrieve and count the army. And the weapons, don't forget to keep track of those."
Jasper nodded and hurried away.
* * *
"Checkmate," said Helena, grinning widely.
"That's the third time she's beaten you, Julian," said Devlin, looking up from his Literacy assignment, a word search puzzle. "I think you'd better just give up."
"Oh, shut u-- what are you doing here?" he sputtered, upon seeing his father enter the common room.
"You needn't sound so horrified. I came to rescue you," said his father. "They told me about your trick, sneaking out of the monastery," he added.
"But it was so boring there!" protested Julian.
"Yeah!" said Helena. "Here he can lose to me at chess!"
Julian threw a pawn at her, and she ducked, sticking her tongue out. "I won every game yesterday!" he told her.
"And thanks to you, I'm going to have to retrieve about a hundred of my men from the woods," Lord de Malfoie added nonchalantly.
"Do I have to leave?" asked Julian. "I'm in the middle of a game here," he said, setting up the pieces again and grabbing the pawn back from Helena.
"It looked like you'd just finished," observed his father.
"Er..." said Julian, frozen for a moment. "Oh! We're playing the best out of three!" he invented, shooting a look at Helena that said, Please play along?
"That's all right," said his father. "You can stay here. Just -- be good, and do your homework, and listen to Lady Ravenclaw, and be careful who you trust. Lots of commoners about, they'll probably try and steal everything you have."
At this, Devlin pretended to be in rapt contemplation of the wonders of the alphabet. "And eat your vegetables," he muttered to himself. Lord de Malfoie gave him a strange look, but let it pass.
"Er... how's Cassius?" asked Julian.
"He's doing very well in his training, from what I understand. I'm sure he will do admirably in my place," said Lord de Malfoie. Julian winced; his older brother was seemingly perfect in every way in the eyes of his father. "What kind of lunch do they serve in this place?" asked Lord de Malfoie.
"Oh, it's very good," said Julian. Devlin nodded, before remembering that he was supposed to be blending in. "They don't go all-out for normal lunches like they do at the feasts, of course, but it's still much better than -- it's. It's good. Er. Not that Aedelthryd is terrible or anything," he said hastily. He worried that perhaps his father would insist upon sitting next to him at lunch, so that Julian wouldn't get a chance to talk to anyone else, or even eat, but thankfully his father seemed quite content at the High Table, conveniently seated between Lady Ravenclaw and Master Slytherin.
* * *
Rowena picked at her food while Lord de Malfoie spoke hesitantly with Jasper. She noted Julian shooting anxious looks at his father from the student's table. Sending a disapproving glance at Helena, who was taking too many pieces of bread, she decided that she'd just have to work out some way to keep her mother at home.
I'll say we've all come down with dragon pox, and -- no, she's had that already, it wouldn't do any good... we've all got leprosy -- no, no, she'd insist upon visiting so I could make a will... I know! We're preparing a very delicate enchantment that will keep the school from being destroyed -- No, she'd want to see how it worked so she could get around it...
This would definitely require some thought.
Chapter 5