Lost...
Last night, I murdered an innocent tree. It was either that, or Kevin. After talking to Danielle, I found out that Kevin might not be as much of an innocent victim of hypnosis and wolf nature as we may have thought. I needed to hurt something, and the tree was the closest thing I could find to take out my frustrations on.
I was attacking it with my bare knuckles and my feet before Margaret came out with an axe (there's irony, considering what she's under investigation for) and I used that to take it down the rest of the way. I don't know what I might have chopped into next had Cory not come out and took the axe away from me and let me cry on his shoulder. When things get to be too much, I can always count on Dad. He's always there for me.
Cory led me inside and made me sit down at the kitchen table and talk to him while he plucked splinters out of the bloody ruins of my hands. While he was doing that, Spike came up behind me and gave me a hug, asking what had happened. I explained a bit, and just looked at him a moment and asked what I'd been dreading to ask... if he'd ever done something like what Kevin had done.
He took to pacing then, and told me that he'd done things like that while with Dru.. but that it wasn't Dru's style to leave the victim alive. That's what worried him, that Danielle was still alive, which meant that Drusilla had a greater purpose... and that she might be back. He told me how much he had loved her, and how she had betrayed him and how broken hearted he had been. But that on his own, he hadn't been into the torture... more into breaking things and having fun. Funny how love works. And then he'd fallen in love with me, and I loved him back.. . which he says is the most beautiful feeling in the world, to be loved.
I let him know that I didn't hold any of his past against him... that no matter what, I'd always think of him as the man who rose above all that and became what he is today. After my hands were bandaged up, we went outside to camp under the stars and have a bonfire of the tree. I watched Spike's face as he poured gasoline all over the wood and then lit it up-- he really gets such a kick out of that, watching things burn. This should probably be somewhat disturbing to me, but I think it's cute when he gets that boyish enthusiasm.
We roasted marshmallows, and played Twenty Questions, and settled down to snuggle under blankets. Long after everyone else had fallen asleep, William and I lay in each other's arms, talking of life, and love, trading kisses and caresses, and him taking the occasional sip of my blood. An hour before sunrise, we headed into the house and up the stairs to make love and rest.
Woke up just a few minutes ago, feeling better about things... but knowing I'll have to talk to Kevin later makes me shake with nerves. I don't know what to do. I know, I'm supposed to lead us, have it all together... but right now, I'm so lost.
I was attacking it with my bare knuckles and my feet before Margaret came out with an axe (there's irony, considering what she's under investigation for) and I used that to take it down the rest of the way. I don't know what I might have chopped into next had Cory not come out and took the axe away from me and let me cry on his shoulder. When things get to be too much, I can always count on Dad. He's always there for me.
Cory led me inside and made me sit down at the kitchen table and talk to him while he plucked splinters out of the bloody ruins of my hands. While he was doing that, Spike came up behind me and gave me a hug, asking what had happened. I explained a bit, and just looked at him a moment and asked what I'd been dreading to ask... if he'd ever done something like what Kevin had done.
He took to pacing then, and told me that he'd done things like that while with Dru.. but that it wasn't Dru's style to leave the victim alive. That's what worried him, that Danielle was still alive, which meant that Drusilla had a greater purpose... and that she might be back. He told me how much he had loved her, and how she had betrayed him and how broken hearted he had been. But that on his own, he hadn't been into the torture... more into breaking things and having fun. Funny how love works. And then he'd fallen in love with me, and I loved him back.. . which he says is the most beautiful feeling in the world, to be loved.
I let him know that I didn't hold any of his past against him... that no matter what, I'd always think of him as the man who rose above all that and became what he is today. After my hands were bandaged up, we went outside to camp under the stars and have a bonfire of the tree. I watched Spike's face as he poured gasoline all over the wood and then lit it up-- he really gets such a kick out of that, watching things burn. This should probably be somewhat disturbing to me, but I think it's cute when he gets that boyish enthusiasm.
We roasted marshmallows, and played Twenty Questions, and settled down to snuggle under blankets. Long after everyone else had fallen asleep, William and I lay in each other's arms, talking of life, and love, trading kisses and caresses, and him taking the occasional sip of my blood. An hour before sunrise, we headed into the house and up the stairs to make love and rest.
Woke up just a few minutes ago, feeling better about things... but knowing I'll have to talk to Kevin later makes me shake with nerves. I don't know what to do. I know, I'm supposed to lead us, have it all together... but right now, I'm so lost.