Aaron i love you ...... still
aight well i guess tonight i found out from lena that nick and dani are going out. thats kinda messed up! but yea, well today me and lena hung out and it was fun we started on our foil fairy costumes for halloween. there gunna be hella tight! yes yes. well yea, nick was being really mean and rude to me tonight. it was kinda not tight. but aaron was being really nice to me, so that was like, oppistie of each other. usually aarons mean and nicks nice. but whatever on that one! so yea i still miss being with aaron everytime i pass a place weve been i have flash backs on what weve been through and done and all that happened. like i remember there was this lil "game" to wear nick was a side kick and he'd look into his crystal ball and tell aaron and me what we would do that night and we would do it. we use to have fun and play around. he was the guy i could be totally myself with. and now we have awkwardness between us and he's going out with katie for a month now and everything, my dream guy turned out to be a disaster. i hate having feelings all they do is hurt you unrepairable. my friend sky has this quote that i go with and although this may be wrong about aaron, life was as perfect as it got when i was with him. the quote is No man or woman is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry! i agree with that! but still all these feeling for aaron that i still have is killing me!i dont know aht to do. i still cry over him at times, like when this one song plays, or those flash backs come when i walk by a certain place, uh, why do girls have so much drama! i really dont get it. it makes no sence to me. i mean why do we need guys, there mean to you, make you cry, and hurt you deep down inside, although there there when you cry, when you need them, they'll talk to you hold you, and make you feel loved, so i guess thats life, and if thats life... life sux! so although i like josh, i dont think i could eva like him the way i LOVE aaron micheal schmitt. i wish life was as perfect as it was when me and aaron were together. and i wish lena was happy, i wish she would forget about nick, i wish all the pain inside her would leave and down on me instead of her. i hate it when my friedns hurt, it makes me feel useless like i cant help them. and everytime i try... later evenutally, they cry... becasue of a guy, or a friends, or a fight or something and so much hurt goes on in life that i cant do anything about and it hurts me. i wish everyones hurt would leave them and down on me because that would make me feel better, i hate to think about myself first. its always friends and family first. i would give my life up for alanna or brittany or lena or nick or aaron or katie, i could hate the person but still i would help them cause i dont hate anyone but myself for being alive and the only time i sorrow over myself is when im typing in this thing to let my feelings go cause i cant hold back my feelings, i cry right now cause i know this is the only way i can get my feelings out and the guy i really love, i will cry in front of him, so he knows i hate feelings and that i will cry for him and that i do love him and that i would give anything for him to have him back! I LOVE YOU AARON and i always will and im sorry you cant know what im feeling right now cause im breaking down day by day not knowing what to do, and im just now relizing i cant live without you, i will live in depression. i want you back i want you to hold me, kiss me, just be there with me. and thats not gunna happen. sometimes i wish i just had sex with him so he'd still be with me. and some parts of me wish i was dead the second our relatiopnship ended! im sorry aaron i didnt mean to be a bad girlfreind i didnt mean for us to part i didnt mean to hurt you in any way i am soooo sorrryyyy! im crying over you again and again night after night and i cant control my anger and pain and i need you when your not here and you never will be... and i just now relize that.... why live if all thats gunna happen is your gunna get hurt? I love you aaron and i always will, i just wish you could understand that and my feelings i have for you! lena thanx for being there for me and everything.