I had an odd experience yesterday
I had this interaction yesterday that left me puzzled. I was talking with my son's occupational therapist, who is an identifiably Indian (SE Asian, not Native American) woman. She's Westernized (spent her whole life in Canada, save for seven years spent in the U.S.) So we're talking and she says, in the context of a discussion about the help my husband and I can offer to our son, "The good thing is that you grew up here. You'll be fine. I mean, I deal with a lot of," and here she leaned closer and dropped her voice, "immigrants," and she sat back up and continued in a normal tone of voice, "And they have it really difficult, often they have lots of children, and their husbands are gone driving taxis all night, and the husbands don't really want anything to do with helping them anyway, so it's all on the wife's shoulders."
I'm confused because I'm used to white people doing that - leaning forward and dropping your voice is usually code for "I'm about to say something racist, but it's just between us white people so it's okay, and when I say this ethnic group's name in a particular tone of voice you'll understand we're talking about those people." If it was a white person who said that to me, I'd dismiss it as racist. But I was confused by it coming from a PoC, especially since she was an Indian woman who was talking at least in part about Indian immigrants (based on the reference to taxi drivers, which are almost entirely either Indian or Middle Eastern in my city). So I've been turning it over in my head, trying to figure out why she did that. And I'm thinking:
Is it just bias from a Westernized person against immigrants?
Or possibly internalized racism?
Or is it that because I'm a white person, she did that because she expected that's what I would expect? That most white people talk about immigrants rather than immigrants, so that's the convention she uses when discussing it with white people?
Or is there something else I'm not seeing due to my white blinders?
No, I didn't ask her about it; as a white person, it isn't my place to call her out. But I'd like to understand it, because right now I don't know how to think/feel about it.
I'm confused because I'm used to white people doing that - leaning forward and dropping your voice is usually code for "I'm about to say something racist, but it's just between us white people so it's okay, and when I say this ethnic group's name in a particular tone of voice you'll understand we're talking about those people." If it was a white person who said that to me, I'd dismiss it as racist. But I was confused by it coming from a PoC, especially since she was an Indian woman who was talking at least in part about Indian immigrants (based on the reference to taxi drivers, which are almost entirely either Indian or Middle Eastern in my city). So I've been turning it over in my head, trying to figure out why she did that. And I'm thinking:
Is it just bias from a Westernized person against immigrants?
Or possibly internalized racism?
Or is it that because I'm a white person, she did that because she expected that's what I would expect? That most white people talk about immigrants rather than immigrants, so that's the convention she uses when discussing it with white people?
Or is there something else I'm not seeing due to my white blinders?
No, I didn't ask her about it; as a white person, it isn't my place to call her out. But I'd like to understand it, because right now I don't know how to think/feel about it.