The wolves are in pursuit

[tamago23]

Near the beginning of White Fang by Jack London, there is an extended scene where a man is alone by himself in the wilderness, pursued by a pack of wolves. He has settled down for the night and built a fire, which is the only thing keeping the starving wolves at bay. But he knows it is simply a matter of time before the fire dies down... and when

Comments

[tamago23]

Gavin is an amazing kid, and whether he lives to be 25 or 125, he will have made the world better just by being in it, and so will you for having birthed him. I know that doesn't take away from the fear you have for him, but I'm hoping it at least may make you feel better about having him.

If he has it, the only thing that will ever make me feel better about it is him telling me, when he's grown, that he's happy to have been born even despite having the challenge of Marfan's. I don't care that he's enriched my life or other people's lives; this isn't about me or the rest of the world. I care solely about him, and my terror is that through possibly giving him this condition, I have made his life more difficult than worthwhile.

I have a pretty good life, and I'm happy to be around, I wouldn't want to die. But if I could have been not conceived to begin with, considering all the suffering I've had to go through in my life, I have to admit objectively that it would have been better had I never existed in the first place. That is my terror with Gavin, that someday he may have those same thoughts.