If I didnt have a live dove in my pants right now, I would leap across this table and...
The dog had fleas and because he was licking himself raw, I had to put a cone on him.
Ever since he's been wearing this awful thing, there have been some funny street exchanges:
- "Look, a conehead"
- "Hey cone-dog"
- "It's a furry gramophone!"
- Father says to his little son, "Look, is that a Bichon?"
"No," replies the child.
"No, then what is it?"
"It's a super-fun"
- "Hey ladies, come on in it's ladies night"
"No thanks." (pointing to dog) "He's a boy."
"That's alright -- it's boys-with-plastic-lampshades-on-their-heads night, too"
Little did they know, they only had to say, "It's super-fun night" and we would have been knocking em back.
I need to know once & for all whether or not sticking a knife in a toaster could actually conduct electricity into one's body, or whether that's just a myth fabricated by kindergarten teachers to keep us out of the kitchen and behind a book, or to prevent us from sticking knives into things generally, like human bodies and other kitchen appliances. Because to this day I wont do it unless the toaster is unplugged. Just like I wont blow dry my hair whilst standing in a puddle or in the bath. It helps that I dont blow dry my hair anyways.
Speaking of being behind books, yesterday I was driving and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, "Wouldn't you rather be behind a book ?" And I was so deeply offended that not only does such a douche exist, but also he is flaunting his douche-y existence with such a smarmy bumper sticker. I dont even understand the point of such a question. "Uhh, why YES I would rather be behind a book, thanks for reminding me how much I hate driving?? And you??" Is he trying to tell me to stop driving / start reading while the himself is also driving / not reading ?? Bleh.
Gonna watch some Arrested Development to alleviate the pain.
Ever since he's been wearing this awful thing, there have been some funny street exchanges:
- "Look, a conehead"
- "Hey cone-dog"
- "It's a furry gramophone!"
- Father says to his little son, "Look, is that a Bichon?"
"No," replies the child.
"No, then what is it?"
"It's a super-fun"
- "Hey ladies, come on in it's ladies night"
"No thanks." (pointing to dog) "He's a boy."
"That's alright -- it's boys-with-plastic-lampshades-on-their-heads night, too"
Little did they know, they only had to say, "It's super-fun night" and we would have been knocking em back.
I need to know once & for all whether or not sticking a knife in a toaster could actually conduct electricity into one's body, or whether that's just a myth fabricated by kindergarten teachers to keep us out of the kitchen and behind a book, or to prevent us from sticking knives into things generally, like human bodies and other kitchen appliances. Because to this day I wont do it unless the toaster is unplugged. Just like I wont blow dry my hair whilst standing in a puddle or in the bath. It helps that I dont blow dry my hair anyways.
Speaking of being behind books, yesterday I was driving and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, "Wouldn't you rather be behind a book ?" And I was so deeply offended that not only does such a douche exist, but also he is flaunting his douche-y existence with such a smarmy bumper sticker. I dont even understand the point of such a question. "Uhh, why YES I would rather be behind a book, thanks for reminding me how much I hate driving?? And you??" Is he trying to tell me to stop driving / start reading while the himself is also driving / not reading ?? Bleh.
Gonna watch some Arrested Development to alleviate the pain.