wandering
forcing myself to be brave, outgoing, happy, friendly, confident.. is tiring..
i feel like i just want to be someone's housecat right now..
i just want to feel warm and loved and secure, and to be held or something..
i hate when people tell me to just suck it up and grow some bawls or something.. i hate that attitude.. its rather callous and unsympathetic.. i also hate the attitude that people take to me that makes them feel that i should be bold and strong just because im a guy, i hate that, i'm meek, quiet, shy, unsure of myself, and unsocial, get over it
i applied at fareway, so, i'll have to go there at 2pm on saturday for an evaluation and such, i'll most likely get the job, lol
but whatever..
its just to prove i can do it..
i wont get significant money from it.. :(
it will give me experience..
man.. i used to be able to run away to BCU at times like this last year ><;
*sigh*
something about my friends at wit just doesnt make me feel the same way that my friends at BCU do..
or something..
maybe i just miss hanging out with rachel, its nice to have one on one conversations with a female who shares similar interests but has a totally different look on life and likes different stuff that i normally wouldnt look at.. but.. all in a casual way..
man, i'm just weird ><;
my subconcious probably just feels secure with older friends rather than friends my own age..
but maybe its not that, because rachel never seemed to be older than me..
meh.. i'm talking too much about rachel ~><~; sorry rachel >.<;;
i just need to find a niche in society where i would fit.. someplace next to a soulmate, lol
someone who i could confide in and feel secure with.. someone to stay by my side.. someone who could make me feel better when i'm down, and someone i could make feel better when they are down..
i just dont know if i'll find them in the places i'm looking..
life is just so uncertain..
it just hurts in my heart to know how uncertain life is..
i feel like i just want to be someone's housecat right now..
i just want to feel warm and loved and secure, and to be held or something..
i hate when people tell me to just suck it up and grow some bawls or something.. i hate that attitude.. its rather callous and unsympathetic.. i also hate the attitude that people take to me that makes them feel that i should be bold and strong just because im a guy, i hate that, i'm meek, quiet, shy, unsure of myself, and unsocial, get over it
i applied at fareway, so, i'll have to go there at 2pm on saturday for an evaluation and such, i'll most likely get the job, lol
but whatever..
its just to prove i can do it..
i wont get significant money from it.. :(
it will give me experience..
man.. i used to be able to run away to BCU at times like this last year ><;
*sigh*
something about my friends at wit just doesnt make me feel the same way that my friends at BCU do..
or something..
maybe i just miss hanging out with rachel, its nice to have one on one conversations with a female who shares similar interests but has a totally different look on life and likes different stuff that i normally wouldnt look at.. but.. all in a casual way..
man, i'm just weird ><;
my subconcious probably just feels secure with older friends rather than friends my own age..
but maybe its not that, because rachel never seemed to be older than me..
meh.. i'm talking too much about rachel ~><~; sorry rachel >.<;;
i just need to find a niche in society where i would fit.. someplace next to a soulmate, lol
someone who i could confide in and feel secure with.. someone to stay by my side.. someone who could make me feel better when i'm down, and someone i could make feel better when they are down..
i just dont know if i'll find them in the places i'm looking..
life is just so uncertain..
it just hurts in my heart to know how uncertain life is..