more on topic of leechy
so now im taking a totally different stance in a way. Ive realised that in fact, I was not intentionally in the wrong. I wish i could say that i was, cause then I could beg for forgiveness more, and feel very sheepish after a while. But im not. I feel like i didnt do anything bad. Leechy took things in a bad way, he was hurt. and to be honest, i regret what i did simply for that reason. Not becuase i did something i wasnt supposed to (because how was i to know we were in a relationship when he skirts around words and expressin himself so well), but becuase i hurt someone i cared about. So I wont sit on my bed anymore smsing him about how sorry i am and how much i wish he would find it in his heart to forgive me, but rather i will think about how much i miss him being on my side. because i know i hurt him, but i also know something else. If he truly loved me, which he claims he did (does?) then he would understand totally that everything was a result of mis-communication. there are some that would say that if i truly loved him, i wouldnt have scored someone else, but to be honest, i do love him, but i didnt think we were in a relationship, or anything that would last. I thought that we'd see each other in joburg, maybe be together, but otherwise, we would just love each other from a distance.
I was talking to a someone the other day, and he told me to just forget leechy, because long distance relationships just dont work at all. But that meant nothing to me because i would and will always be willing to try it. I hate unfinished business.
So getting back to the leechy loving me thing. If he did, would he not just forget about something stupid that i did, and just admit that he loves me? anyway, thats my logic at the moment. and then, me and him could get over it, considering tomorrow is valentines day, and id really like him to be the one that i was all mushy and gushy with. but if he is so determined to just forget me, and claim that i was wrong, and did this shit on purpose and wotever else hes trying to put on me, then its ok too.
i feel like i could eventually get over him. I dont want to. he wrote to me in my journal that he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone, but i find that hard to believe at this moment, because forgiveness and moving on is such an important part of love. and if he cant move on from this, and im never going to live it down in his eyes (remember we're talking about something that he says was wrong, and i know was just a miscommunication) then there is no point in being involved with him on anything more than a friendship level.
Ive really done nothing wrong. I would know if i had. This was purely bad communications and not on my part either. I have offered him the world and everything that i have, but if he wont accept it simply because i kissed some other random boy, not knowing that leechy considered me and him in a relationship then what can I do?
ok, i think im done venting.
so last night i actually cried about this situation. I havent cried in forever. I cried not because i was sad really, but because i was thinking too. I was thinking about how many times i walked into leechy's tent at camp, and just sat and watched him sleep. I was thinking about how he'd run off at all these inopportune moments cause someone else needed him, and they were more important than me. I thought about cape town, and staying in his flat till 3pm because we couldnt decide where to go and didnt really want to leave. i cried because of how much i thought he liked me and treasured me and wanted me and desired me. and finally, I cried because i dont know if ill ever have that again. I think i just want to lie in his arms and sleep... considering i got none last night
if anyone would like to send me a v-day gift, that'd be nice, cause it looks like its gonna be one of those days where i just sit in my room, and cry.
I was talking to a someone the other day, and he told me to just forget leechy, because long distance relationships just dont work at all. But that meant nothing to me because i would and will always be willing to try it. I hate unfinished business.
So getting back to the leechy loving me thing. If he did, would he not just forget about something stupid that i did, and just admit that he loves me? anyway, thats my logic at the moment. and then, me and him could get over it, considering tomorrow is valentines day, and id really like him to be the one that i was all mushy and gushy with. but if he is so determined to just forget me, and claim that i was wrong, and did this shit on purpose and wotever else hes trying to put on me, then its ok too.
i feel like i could eventually get over him. I dont want to. he wrote to me in my journal that he loves me more than he's ever loved anyone, but i find that hard to believe at this moment, because forgiveness and moving on is such an important part of love. and if he cant move on from this, and im never going to live it down in his eyes (remember we're talking about something that he says was wrong, and i know was just a miscommunication) then there is no point in being involved with him on anything more than a friendship level.
Ive really done nothing wrong. I would know if i had. This was purely bad communications and not on my part either. I have offered him the world and everything that i have, but if he wont accept it simply because i kissed some other random boy, not knowing that leechy considered me and him in a relationship then what can I do?
ok, i think im done venting.
so last night i actually cried about this situation. I havent cried in forever. I cried not because i was sad really, but because i was thinking too. I was thinking about how many times i walked into leechy's tent at camp, and just sat and watched him sleep. I was thinking about how he'd run off at all these inopportune moments cause someone else needed him, and they were more important than me. I thought about cape town, and staying in his flat till 3pm because we couldnt decide where to go and didnt really want to leave. i cried because of how much i thought he liked me and treasured me and wanted me and desired me. and finally, I cried because i dont know if ill ever have that again. I think i just want to lie in his arms and sleep... considering i got none last night
if anyone would like to send me a v-day gift, that'd be nice, cause it looks like its gonna be one of those days where i just sit in my room, and cry.