Invasion!
Ok, what the heck is going on these days? It's come to my attention that the internet is being invaded by, are you sitting down? PARENTS. This is a most frightening development. Before, the internet was our safe refuge from the persecutions of "back in my day." In hindsight, it seems that this has been a long time in coming. First it was "stop staring at that thing so much" (haha, the foolish assumption that the computer was much like tv...silly parents). Then it was, "oh I don't know how to use that thing, I'm sure my kids can send someone an email if its neccessary." This progressed to "what does this button do?" and "how can I get to my email?" Now the invasion is complete. Gone are the computer-phobic days of the past, where the internet was a safe place for children an adolescents to communicate and search for boobies.
Now we have to keep our profiles censored, lest our now AIM-wise parents read something that they find offensive or inappropriate. I propose two possible solutions.
1.) There be an admittance test to the internet. The applicant must know at least the basics of HTML, and be able to understand "L33t" (but not use, because no one should EVER EVER use leet). The applicant must have played some version of Doom, Half-life, or any of a long list of appropriately violent video games (no, minesweeper and solitaire do not count). Only after these requirements are met will the applicant be allowed to acces instant messaging and search engines. They will be able to pick a new screen name to be used. However, if the new screen name is merely (firstname)(lastname)(meaningfulnumber) or (initials)(birthdate), they will immediately have their license revoked.
2.) We will have to develop a new medium of teen-young adult communication which properly scares the bejeezus out of parents. This way our conversations and online personalities will be once again private. I'm thinking possibly some kind of direct brain to brain connection. Possibly telepathy or mobile internet connections directly implanted into the brain. Another possibility is some kind of communication involving unsafe driving and loud music, parents seem to be repelled by those. We can get in our cars and drive really fast while listening to loud music, then roll down the windows and throw sticky notes at each other. Actually...that sounds like fun...I'm gonna go get my car.
Now we have to keep our profiles censored, lest our now AIM-wise parents read something that they find offensive or inappropriate. I propose two possible solutions.
1.) There be an admittance test to the internet. The applicant must know at least the basics of HTML, and be able to understand "L33t" (but not use, because no one should EVER EVER use leet). The applicant must have played some version of Doom, Half-life, or any of a long list of appropriately violent video games (no, minesweeper and solitaire do not count). Only after these requirements are met will the applicant be allowed to acces instant messaging and search engines. They will be able to pick a new screen name to be used. However, if the new screen name is merely (firstname)(lastname)(meaningfulnumber) or (initials)(birthdate), they will immediately have their license revoked.
2.) We will have to develop a new medium of teen-young adult communication which properly scares the bejeezus out of parents. This way our conversations and online personalities will be once again private. I'm thinking possibly some kind of direct brain to brain connection. Possibly telepathy or mobile internet connections directly implanted into the brain. Another possibility is some kind of communication involving unsafe driving and loud music, parents seem to be repelled by those. We can get in our cars and drive really fast while listening to loud music, then roll down the windows and throw sticky notes at each other. Actually...that sounds like fun...I'm gonna go get my car.