Of Springs storms and shadows
Storm clouds rushed in from the east bring large amounts of rain with them. The streets were all but void of traffic, most at home in cozy houses with cozy families. There in a flash of thunder, a form… a silhouette is seen at a window. A young man who, for the age of about 10 has the most adult look of complacency that could be believed. Sighing there in the window sill, lamenting his horrible fortune. Locked once again into this dreaded purgatory. Stuck at home with his sickly grandmother. No friends or games to play just hide and seek, trying to do as little for her and stay as far away as possible. It wasn’t that he was an evil child…just selfish and placed in a care giving position when he needs one himself. Tired of the jabs and jokes at his expense from the other children he had begun to hate these times with his grandma. Ugh…he thought she was calling for him…wait maybe she was just coughing……no it was his name.
“Darling I know the weather is dreadful but you must be growing ever so bored here alone” she whispered
She gestured towards her purse “There in my wallet take some money go get yourself a comic book or some candy” as she settled back to bed “make sure you dress warm and don’t be gone long”
Quickly he made his way over to her purse…could this be it? Had he been given a blank check for his rainy day woes? As he made his way to the bag is joy soon turned to conceit, annoyance. The old fool had left him nothing but scraps of change that may have bought her something as a girl but were worthless to him. Bundled in her purse there were a handful of prescriptions each with a several dollar note to purchase it with. His scruples had apparently been asleep because who took the largest of the bills and headed out. As the door slammed shut behind him he heard her last coughing words echo down “Take care my love” eyes rolling at the thought of even standing out here in the wet cold for the scraps she had offered him, how age had addled her mind.
The mist stood thickly all around him, what little light from the sun shone down was dark and green tinted. Cold wind and moisture snapping at him occasionally as he made his way towards the stores tearing through his pockets for the large sum he had commandeered for this mission, what to buy? He had enough for a good meal and plenty for some magazines a new toy…endless possibilities.
As he was walking down the sidewalk towards the mall that held his soon to be liberated items something caught his eye. On the side of the road there was an old rusty bike, nothing remarkable except it was very similar if not the same model as the type his grandma had trained him on….It probably was the same one, the way she would pack-rat junk., most likely gave it to them regaling fine tales of his adventures on the shotty piece of junk., he hated that petty hand me down, oh how his pride boiled at the thought of her telling them what good use he had made of it despite its ware. She couldn’t even dispose of rubbish without making him look the fool. Now he was lost in his thoughts how angry he was with her, especially that day, him trying to ride that thing and falling over and over ….he was so mad at her and than lost in his anger who was riding…he had done it. What a glorious sense of freedom!!
He soon found himself standing out side of a sandwich shop that made great pizza and subs, his stomached was gurgling fiercely, his grandma had offered him some of her oatmeal for breakfast, he scoffed at the idea instantly. He remembered the grand days when she wasn’t such a task her self. She would wake up early and make a kings meal for the whole family. It had been some years since those golden times. Again the young man found himself locked in these old memories of a different time…what purpose was there in this nonsense. Those days were gone and would never return.
Shaking off the thoughts as well as the chilly air he went in and ordered a slice of pizza and drink. The server eyed him somewhat from the size of the note but took it all the same. He set him self up in the rear of the store, so who could people watch. Besides some young adults and a few older children the place was filled with only families. Laughing happy families…well he thought to himself that all ends soon so enough enjoy what u have remaining as he finished his meal and went next door to the toy store.
This jaunt was beginning to wear him down he was tired of looking around and seeing all these things as he quickly ducked into the electronic toy store with its noises drowning out the drizzle from outside, his mood regrouped and with morale restored was ready to purchase his new expensive distraction. He scoured the aisles like a raptor searching for the perfect kill. He finally found the one he wanted a shiny new game guaranteed to give hours of excitement in a virtual world of slaying those who raised his ire or displeased him. Yes this was definitely the one. It was almost perfect, after his meal he had almost exact change to get his new game and still a few coins change. With his new purchase under his arm he quickly made his way back into the cold green twilight trudging back home.
As he walked home the age of the trees and their seasons took on more meaning to him. He thought about how much fun he had with his grandma but as he got older she did so all the more rapidly. Now little more than a task to him, another thing to be bothered by. How awful a thought was this? This woman loved and cared for him and he saw her as a nuisance, even her love for him a burden at times. And to be so callous to take her medicine money under the guise of a simple child’s mistake. So that he could be rid of his boredom…the thought flashed through his mind that she had today been finally worth a damn.
He clinched his teeth and stood there hands knotted into fists eyes, shut streaming w tears. He ran straight away to his house and clamored for his key to enter.
Key unlocks door, door slams open. But where that boy had stood years ago instead was a man. Shackled in the adamant bounds of his regrets, each and every cold word from his mouth cut him deeper than any blade. He was young, ignorant but his actions were not a child’s, his insults and jeers were intentionally cruel. Now that she is gone….now that they are gone, the realization of how short our time with the ones who love us can be strikes home. That day will always be there as well as the repercussions and pain it caused, the wicked words thrown about. How can one repent from such callousness how does one become forgiven by those who have passed, and does one indeed even deserve it?