(no subject)
I've been staring at this fucking blank screen for a few days now.... I've nothing I want to say, but a need to say it....
I've said it often,, but I'm fucking tired man..... Not just lack of sleep tired, but more.... I dunno.... any way I try to say it sounds stupid.... But soul draining tired....
I'm in the wrong time.... I look around, There are so many people.... not a human among them... There's no honor anymore,No life. I don't know a better way to say it.... I belong to a time where your word is bond, where the the strength of your arm, your back... your will, carves your lot. A time where any and all of that matters..... If there was ever a purpose for me being here.... it's long past.
And I'm a fool... I still hope for things that never happen. Believe in that, which was never real. Want what was never there....I don't know anyone who would truly understand what it means, or why it's important... But I haven't read a book in months....
My daughter Hailey.... She's been fucking up pretty good.... She ran away from her mom's was gone almost a week.... In that time I helped search her room, thinking she might've left something behind to indicate where she was.... Instead we found her meth pipe and nice little drug stash..... When we found her she came to live with me.... I thought she was trying to clean up.... Maybe someday I'll explain everything.... But I hope I wont be here....
It made me again... or maybe just more profoundly, realize how fucking stupid I am.... If I can't help my own daughter.... How could I have thought I could've helped the one person I care most for on this god fucked planet.
Let's see... hopefully in December, I'll be under the knife..... Looks like there going to cut into my gut sack, tinker around and see what makes me tick..... I like the idea of this... if only then, maybe my ex will finally get her fondest wish...... And for me, a Chance to get back on the wheel..... Find my place.....
I'm tired..... Useless.... I've nothing here to fight for..... How did that go??? An analogue relic in a digital age.... I don't belong here.... Never did.
I was going to say more..... This is already to long....
I've said it often,, but I'm fucking tired man..... Not just lack of sleep tired, but more.... I dunno.... any way I try to say it sounds stupid.... But soul draining tired....
I'm in the wrong time.... I look around, There are so many people.... not a human among them... There's no honor anymore,No life. I don't know a better way to say it.... I belong to a time where your word is bond, where the the strength of your arm, your back... your will, carves your lot. A time where any and all of that matters..... If there was ever a purpose for me being here.... it's long past.
And I'm a fool... I still hope for things that never happen. Believe in that, which was never real. Want what was never there....I don't know anyone who would truly understand what it means, or why it's important... But I haven't read a book in months....
My daughter Hailey.... She's been fucking up pretty good.... She ran away from her mom's was gone almost a week.... In that time I helped search her room, thinking she might've left something behind to indicate where she was.... Instead we found her meth pipe and nice little drug stash..... When we found her she came to live with me.... I thought she was trying to clean up.... Maybe someday I'll explain everything.... But I hope I wont be here....
It made me again... or maybe just more profoundly, realize how fucking stupid I am.... If I can't help my own daughter.... How could I have thought I could've helped the one person I care most for on this god fucked planet.
Let's see... hopefully in December, I'll be under the knife..... Looks like there going to cut into my gut sack, tinker around and see what makes me tick..... I like the idea of this... if only then, maybe my ex will finally get her fondest wish...... And for me, a Chance to get back on the wheel..... Find my place.....
I'm tired..... Useless.... I've nothing here to fight for..... How did that go??? An analogue relic in a digital age.... I don't belong here.... Never did.
I was going to say more..... This is already to long....