More job angst. I know. It's pitiful.
Hey guys,
Looking for advice again. So my time in the Bahamas is almost up, and I need to figure out what to do next. I really want to travel and do more exciting field work, and make a living doing something I love, but I’m also in debt up to my neck in loans. My advisor sent me a posting for a lab tech job from someone he knows, and I figured it couldn’t hurt so I sent in an application, ended up getting a phone interview, and if I want it the job is mine. I just don’t know what I want.
I don’t want to be a lab tech any more, but as far as lab jobs go this would be a good one. It would only be for one year; it’s actually a postdoc position, the postdoc quit with a year left on the grant and they need someone to finish the project. So it’s not a big long-term commitment. I’d help out with experiments studying how fish swim, do data analysis, write papers, keep the lab running and take care of the fish, etc etc. Actually, it’d be sort of similar to what I did in grad school, except with fish instead of birds, and no thesis. I’ve met the PI before, so I know they’d be a good boss. And it pays $32,000.
My problems are one, I want to do conservation or wildlife rehab--I want to be doing something meaningful--and two, the job is in my home state. I have pretty severe state-hate at this point. I’ve been in MA my whole life; I didn’t even get to leave for college. I want to leave so badly--I don’t expect other states to be dramatically superior, but I expect them to be change. The thought of another year in Massachusetts makes me sick at heart. Also, I’m really quite desperate to escape my family. Putting a thousand miles between myself and my mother was the healthiest thing I could do for myself this summer. I was really hoping to get at least a state or two between us this year (*coughdecadecough*).
But in tough times like this, thirty grand is a lot of money. The smart thing to do is take the job and put up with it for a year, and I would at least have my own apartment and some travel money left over, and make a dent in my loans. The risk if I don’t take it is possibly not getting a job for another six months again and living in my mother’s house, which is what ended up happening last year, and I pretty much wanted to die. I *could,* in theory, end up getting a fantastic dream job right away, and I know you’ll never get anywhere in life without taking some risks, but losing that gamble and being in my mom’s house would be unbearable. There’s comfort and security in taking the job. But maybe that’s not a good thing--maybe I shouldn’t always do the easy thing. But oh man, being able to move out right away...the thought of another year in MA makes me cry, but the thought of being broke and jobless and living with my mom makes me want to blow my head off.
I suppose I could think of it as a test of sorts. Try for one year to find happiness in MA, now that I won’t have grad school taking up my whole life, and if I can’t then I’ll know I have to leave that state and leave forever, and I’ll never look for a job there again. It would be waiting another whole goddamn year to do what I want in life, but it would keep me from a repeat of last year’s unending nightmare. I suppose it’s a decision between happiness vs survival. I want both but I should focus on making sure I have the second one. But what’s the point of surviving if you can’t live? I don’t think that I’ve been living my life, and I don’t even know how to start.
I have to give an answer this weekend but there's so much to think about. I should probably take it. I probably will. But I worry that I'm going to let myself put off the big things--being happy, moving to a new place and starting my own life for REAL, saving the world via animal conservation--forever. On the other hand, the economy is fucked pretty hard right now and job=job=job.
Just hoping for some food-for-thought from some more life-experienced folks.
Looking for advice again. So my time in the Bahamas is almost up, and I need to figure out what to do next. I really want to travel and do more exciting field work, and make a living doing something I love, but I’m also in debt up to my neck in loans. My advisor sent me a posting for a lab tech job from someone he knows, and I figured it couldn’t hurt so I sent in an application, ended up getting a phone interview, and if I want it the job is mine. I just don’t know what I want.
I don’t want to be a lab tech any more, but as far as lab jobs go this would be a good one. It would only be for one year; it’s actually a postdoc position, the postdoc quit with a year left on the grant and they need someone to finish the project. So it’s not a big long-term commitment. I’d help out with experiments studying how fish swim, do data analysis, write papers, keep the lab running and take care of the fish, etc etc. Actually, it’d be sort of similar to what I did in grad school, except with fish instead of birds, and no thesis. I’ve met the PI before, so I know they’d be a good boss. And it pays $32,000.
My problems are one, I want to do conservation or wildlife rehab--I want to be doing something meaningful--and two, the job is in my home state. I have pretty severe state-hate at this point. I’ve been in MA my whole life; I didn’t even get to leave for college. I want to leave so badly--I don’t expect other states to be dramatically superior, but I expect them to be change. The thought of another year in Massachusetts makes me sick at heart. Also, I’m really quite desperate to escape my family. Putting a thousand miles between myself and my mother was the healthiest thing I could do for myself this summer. I was really hoping to get at least a state or two between us this year (*coughdecadecough*).
But in tough times like this, thirty grand is a lot of money. The smart thing to do is take the job and put up with it for a year, and I would at least have my own apartment and some travel money left over, and make a dent in my loans. The risk if I don’t take it is possibly not getting a job for another six months again and living in my mother’s house, which is what ended up happening last year, and I pretty much wanted to die. I *could,* in theory, end up getting a fantastic dream job right away, and I know you’ll never get anywhere in life without taking some risks, but losing that gamble and being in my mom’s house would be unbearable. There’s comfort and security in taking the job. But maybe that’s not a good thing--maybe I shouldn’t always do the easy thing. But oh man, being able to move out right away...the thought of another year in MA makes me cry, but the thought of being broke and jobless and living with my mom makes me want to blow my head off.
I suppose I could think of it as a test of sorts. Try for one year to find happiness in MA, now that I won’t have grad school taking up my whole life, and if I can’t then I’ll know I have to leave that state and leave forever, and I’ll never look for a job there again. It would be waiting another whole goddamn year to do what I want in life, but it would keep me from a repeat of last year’s unending nightmare. I suppose it’s a decision between happiness vs survival. I want both but I should focus on making sure I have the second one. But what’s the point of surviving if you can’t live? I don’t think that I’ve been living my life, and I don’t even know how to start.
I have to give an answer this weekend but there's so much to think about. I should probably take it. I probably will. But I worry that I'm going to let myself put off the big things--being happy, moving to a new place and starting my own life for REAL, saving the world via animal conservation--forever. On the other hand, the economy is fucked pretty hard right now and job=job=job.
Just hoping for some food-for-thought from some more life-experienced folks.