Primeval Fanfic: Revelation
Title: Revelation
Author: TalliW
Pairings: Connor/Lester
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Summary: Connor realises what he really wants in life.
Connor wasn't entirely sure how it had happened. One moment they were arguing; he couldn't even remember the topic any more, only that it was something work-related, and the next moment they had kissed.... and touched.
His hands were fumbling with the shirt buttons, desperate to feel skin, as he was walked backwards against the wall.
He knew there had to be some laws against attacking a colleague. But he also knew that he didn't mind being attacked this way. He wanted more, wanted all of it, even though he didn't exactly know what "all of it" entailed.
He thrust his groin against the other man to get some much needed friction. Hot lips trailed down his neck and Connor threw his head back to give his attacker more access. A low keening sound escaped his throat as he felt the suction on his pulse point and felt himself growing hard in his pants.
Then his brain caught up with his body. The thought that he didn't mind being pressed against the wall of a office whilst the hard, lean body of a man rubbed against him scared him stiff and he began to struggle.
He didn't want to make out with a man. He loved Abby. And he certainly didn't want to get kissed by his boss.
It took some seconds until Lester's brain registered that the hands which had drawn him closer a moment ago were now pushing against his chest. He stepped away and stared horrified at the young man he had just molested.
James Lester couldn't understood how it had come to this. He had talked with Connor about the artefact and suddenly he'd felt the need to kiss the infuriating boy. So he'd followed his feelings and just acted.
How could he look himself in the eyes in the mirror ever again? For heaven's sake he had forced himself on an male subordinate half his age.
It couldn't be down to the fact that he had seen Connor in his underwear once too often in the last days. Or that he had heard him jerking off in the bathroom this morning.
The young man had gained his respect over the last few weeks and he had no excuse for such inappropriate behaviour.
Connor glanced at the shocked man in front of him before he dashed out of the office, nearly colliding with Danny on the ramp.
For the rest of the day, Connor hid himself behind the computer terminal, his head bent deep over the keyboard whilst he counted the hours until it was time to finish work.
He wanted to leave the ARC and run as far away from Lester as possible.
Only two things kept him from acting on this impulse. He didn't want to draw attention to himself. Running away now would lead to curious questions from his team members; Danny, especially, was a nosy person.
And the second but more important reason he stayed put at his computer, despite the dread he felt every time he heard steps, was the simple fact that had no place to run to. Not anymore.
All he had was a guest room in Lester's flat and that was the last place he wanted to be right now.
Finally the day was over. Subdued, Connor waited at Lester's car. He hadn't dared to ask one of his teammates if he could stay for the night. Thanks to Danny they all knew he was living in Lester's spare room and they would certainly want an explanation as to why he didn't want to go home.
"Home," Connor whispered and a lump was forming in his throat. He hadn't had a proper home since his grandma had died.
He had been happy living in students accommodation and sharing a flat with Abby, but he never had seen either as his home. When had he started to think of Lester's flat that way?
Lester could see the confusion in Connor's eyes as he approached the car. But at least he hadn't run away screaming, yet.
Although Lester wouldn't hold it against him if he had run away in search of a lawyer to sue him for sexual harassment. Instead, the young man had the courage to face him after what had happened. His respect for Connor raised another notch.
After Lester had unlocked the car, Connor climbed into the passenger seat and buckled up. Lester briefly checked him over whilst he took his seat behind the steering wheel.
The silence in the car was deafening. Connor didn't try to be funny or babble about science fiction or his dinosaur data base this time. And, oddly, Lester missed it.
In an attempt to break the silence he fumbled for the radio. But the singers screaming of broken hearts, mistakes and loneliness only depressed him even more. With a flick of his hand Lester turned the radio off again.
Connor didn't move a muscle when Lester accidentally brushed against his arm. He stared stubbornly out of the windscreen and ignored Lester's furtive glances for the whole drive.
With trembling hands, Lester opened his apartment door. Connor followed him into the living room like a lamb to the slaughter.
Lester cleared his throat and turned around to the young man who had stopped in the middle of the room and was currently staring at the floor.
"Connor."
Connor didn't look up.
"Connor, we have to talk."
Connor nodded with his head still lowered.
"My sincere apology for my inappropriate behaviour. I will move out tomorrow. The flat is yours as long you need it," Lester declared heavy-heartedly.
"But..."
"You don't have to worry about the rent. The flat belongs to me. It is a small compensation for what you had to endure. I hope you can forgive me one day."
Lester saw Connor shiver and backed away. "You need not worry. I'll not bother you ever again," he said, trying to reassure the nervous young man.
"No," Connor choked out. "Don't go."
Connor realised his voice sounded weak and pathetic but he didn't care at the moment. His only goal right now was to stop Lester from leaving.
He was afraid of the feelings Lester had invoked in him, but he even was more afraid of losing Lester before he'd even had a change to come to terms with those confusing feelings. If he had to resort to the methods of a whiny ten year old to get his way he would do it.
"I'm sure we can work something out. Just don't leave me alone here. I hate being alone."
Connor used his most effective puppy look, the one he had invented to sway his stern grandmother, and slowly moved closer to Lester. He had learned over the years that this look worked best from short distances. He saw Lester falter for a moment and knew he had won.
Lester nodded faintly and walked into his bedroom.
When the door clicked shut, Connor sighed with relief. He hadn't lied about his fears of be left alone. That was the reason he'd always preferred to share a flat after his grandma's death.
He had been alone for the first part of his childhood, waiting for his mother to come back from work and open the locked door to his room. It was to keep him safe and out of trouble, his mother had always told him, but it hadn't made it easier for him to bear the seclusion.
With determination, Connor walked into his own room. He had a lot of thinking to do.
Three hours later, he had come to a decision about how to proceed. After flipping through a stack of pictures he had taken in the last two years, he had finally got things straight and knew what he wanted.
He had spent a long time looking at pictures of Abby and waiting for the painful constricting of his heart he had grown used to. He was shocked when it hadn't come. He would always love her to some extent, but the maddening yearning was gone. A man could only hope so long before giving up.
His eyes had filled with tears as he had seen the picture of Cutter standing close to a laughing Stephen. Connor had realised he had loved them both and could easily have fallen for Cutter if the man had been more forthcoming.
But the biggest surprise had been his reaction to a long shot of Lester in his office. He had not only felt a familiar constricting in his chest but also a noticeable tightening in his groin.
Now he stood in front of Lester's bedroom door, poised to press down the handle when a panic attack hit him full force.
Connor closed his eyes and concentrated on fighting his fears.
'Don't panic. Slowly inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. That's good, Connor. Calm down. You can do this. You are strong.'
He asked himself briefly what Lester would make of him talking to himself but then decided it wasn't important to dwell on that thought.
Determinedly, he pushed the handle down. Light was falling into the room from the corridor and illuminated the sleeping figure on the bed.
Connor walked closer, his eyes never leaving Lester's face, in sleep more relaxed and open than he'd ever seen him before. Connor just stood there and watched Lester sleep, enjoying the calmness which came over him at the sight.
Suddenly, everything was falling into place.
Carefully, Connor slipped out of his clothes and put them, neatly folded, on the bedside chair. His heart skipped a beat as he heard a rustle behind him. Turning around, he was confronted with Lester sitting up in bed, sizing him up from head to toe.
Was that a smile forming on Lester's face?
Connor wished the room was better lit so he could see Lester's reaction more clearly. The light from under the door wasn't enough.
He padded over to the bed, his eyes never leaving Lester's as he slid under the bedcovers next to him.
"Are you sure?" Lester asked hoarsely.
In response, Connor snuggled against Lester, shifting his half-naked body in such a way that his groin was firmly pressed against Lester's hip.
"Does this answer your question?" Connor asked in return, and chuckled faintly as he heard Lester gasp.
"I'm exactly where I want to be, James. In bed. With you. At home."