Primeval WIP: Breaking Point (27/...)
Title: Breaking Point (27/...)
Author: TalliW
Pairings: Lester/Cutter
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Primeval are the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Ditzy belongs to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Abby was offended by her friends behaviour. Connor was studiously avoiding her if he got the chance. He'd teamed up with Cutter and spent his time with Babyface. She knew he was ashamed and shocked about what had occurred between them. To see Connor like that had been a shock for her too.
But she also knew it had been the drug in his body which had made him react like that.
Even so a small part of her, really just a very small part, had enjoyed the view of Connor throwing Stephen against the locker. But that wasn't something she would reveal to anyone.
In her mind she still could hear Connor's desperate cry of "Abby!", and there hadn't been anything scary in his voice. It had sounded needy and yearning.
Even in her sleep she saw Connor calling out for her and then she missed him terribly the next morning.
Without Connor, the flat was tidy but now she wished he was there to leave his socks lying around. She even wished that she would find a tee shirt he had forgotten to put into the hamper. She also missed his annoyingly squashed tube of toothpaste and the tipped up toilet seat, something that had always upset her in the past.
Rex had taken possession of Connor's bed after the second night when the little lizard had waited in vain for his second master. He had twittered sadly when Abby told him, with tears in her eyes, that Connor prefered to stay at a hotel instead of coming home to them.
With every passing day it had become harder for her to go to work and watch Connor shy away from her. She wasn't sure how much longer she could go on like that. Feigning indifference and pretending she wasn't hurt by his behaviour wasn't easy and Abby felt worn out after the first hours at work.
James Lester was watching with concern as Temple and Cutter walked around with their heads bowed in shame, trying to avoid their colleagues.
Their performance was sinking and the team's work was uncoordinated. Again! But in their line of work operating as a team was a necessity.
The whole Anomaly project was at stake now. He had heard rumours that the Prime Minister was considering giving complete charge of it to the military. A file containing those orders already existed, ready to be activated. The instruction on how to deal with the animals wouldn't bode well for Geronimo and the other creatures.
On top of this Connor's behaviour was also hurting Abby and he liked the funky girl. She was a formidable colleague and still kept his secret about his friendship with Geronimo.
And Cutter would surely have a serious accident pretty soon if he didn't look where he was going.
It was obvious that he preferred to stay in his office most of the time and refused to speak with his friends. Even his recently patched up friendship with Stephen was drifting apart again.
He would have to talk with both men.
Some days ago, he'd given the order to forget the incident. It was time the two followed his order.
Lester snorted bitterly. It all sounded so easy. But how could he forget and talk with Cutter when he still tensed up every time the man came close to him? .
Whenever that happened, he tried to convince himself it had been the drug and not Nick Cutter, despite the fact that the attacker in his memories still had Cutter's face.
He feared and longed for Nick at the same time and the conflicting feelings made his head spin and his heart ache.
Helen had chosen her form of revenge well. James Lester had never really hated anyone in his life before. Now he did.
After a particularly bad day, Lester walked into his hotel room and slumped down onto the bed. Connor, in his attempts to stay away from Abby, had stumpled in the line of fire, getting in the way of a volley of shots aimed at a cave bear from the Pleistocene and had nearly got himself killed. It was a wonder the stupid boy had only ended up with a grazing shot to the shoulder and a perforated hat.
Currently he was with Cutter in the ARC's infirmary in the care of Second Lieutenant 'Ditzy' Owen.
Lester hoped his team leader would give the boy a piece of his mind but after Cutter's subdued behaviour in the last few days it was unlikely. Fortunately the medic had no qualms about calling a spade a spade and Connor would almost certainly get a dressing down from Stephen and Lyle too.
James Lester had left the ARC earlier, not ready to deal with the consequences of a mentally unstable employee.
Not the first time since he had taken over the Anomaly project, he asked himself if it was worth all the trouble. Perhaps it would be better to quit of his own accord and ask for another assignment before the project was taken away from him. But James Lester wasn't normally a quitter. He had to fix the mess even if it meant having to overcome his fears and possibly even to give up a part of himself in that progress.
Connor Temple was at the end of his tether. The dressing down he had from Stephen and Lyle, and the occasional barb from Ditzy had worn him down. Even his friend Private Marcus Fox, Babyface, was cross with him. The grazing shot had come from Marcus' weapon.
Cutter was the only one who had supported him the whole time and he was the only one Connor was able to confide in.
"I'm afraid to get close to her. I attacked her, for heaven's sake! What must Abby think of me? She's seen me lose control and turn violent on her. But all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss her. I still remember it like that. A gentle kiss and not..." Connor shuddered and buried his head in his hands to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanted to go to the cinema with her on Saturday, to see all three parts of Jurassic Park one after the other. Afterwards we would have eaten at KFC. It's all over now. I wish the shot hadn't just grazed me," he cried.
Nick put his arm comfortingly around Connor's uninjured shoulder.
He could exactly understand Connor's feelings. He also had attacked the person he loved. But in his case, as opposed to Connor's, no one had been there to stop him. When he'd jumped at James from behind, the man hadn't stood a chance. But the worst was the twisted memory. In his mind he still saw them making love and felt the bliss from getting back with his lover. To hear it had been a brutal act and not a gentle experience for James had nearly destroyed him.
As it was destroying Connor even though the young man had been knocked out before he'd really been able to hurt Abby.
Nick Cutter was determined to help him.The boy didn't deserve that. He was just another victim. Connor still had a chance for a bright future ahead of him whereas Nick hadn't anymore.
Lester knocked at the hotel room door and waited impatiently. Instead of the noise of the door opening he heard an angry, "Go away!"
James Lester knocked again. And again. "Open the bloody door, Temple or I'll have to call the hotel manager to help me. And I'll not be happy about that."
Finally the door was pushed open a small way and Connor peeked out.
"Sorry, Sir, I thought it was Abby. Cutter's told her where I live and brought her here as well. He thought it was a good idea to clear the air. But I don't want to talk to her," he said, stubbornly.
A shudder ran down Lester's spine at the thought of Nick Cutter as close to his own room as that and he wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement. His feelings were all upside down since the incident.
But he saw instantly that the boy was close to a break down. Connor looked weary and had started to lose weight. And his eyes showed the same amount of despair Lester himself had felt after the row with Nick.
"Can I come in, Temple? We have to talk."
Connor stepped aside willingly and Lester walked into the room.
When they were seated, with Connor on the bed and Lester on the only chair in the room, he asked: "How do you feel? The truth, please, and not the nonsense you're telling everyone else."
Lester waited but Connor Temple didn't say anything. He just grabbed a pillow and started to knead and twirl a corner of the pillowcase in his hands.
Lester sighed. "Damn it, Temple! You weren't responsible for your actions. It was the drug.
Everyone can see that she's missing you. Now act like an real man. Get over it and talk to Abby. I'm sure she doesn't blame you for the incident. She's a sensible girl."
"That's the same crap everyone else had been telling me,." Connor retorted. "You weren't there and you don't understand. I saw her eyes that day. She was scared stiff. She was afraid of me. How can I ever look her in the eyes again after that? There must be some sort of violent streak inside me or I wouldn't have been so brutal. I should have been able to fight the effects of the drug.
Do you think I don't miss Abby too? I miss her terribly. I want to touch her, hug her, but I can't. We weren't a couple before and now I'll never have a chance with her."
Lester watched the boy bury his head into the pillow and gulped. He was capable of doing it. Connor had to talk about it.
"You're right. I wasn't there when you attacked Abby. I was too busy fending off my own attacker. And he did more than just force me into a kiss."
Connor just started to knead the pillow again.
"They have tested the drug they found in the coffee pot. Even the guinea pigs reacted violently after a small dose. It isn't inside you, Connor, believe me. No one blames you but yourself. Everyone knows you're a nice young man who wouldn't hurt Abby on purpose."
"But if the Stephen and the soldiers hadn't stopped me I would have done it. I had... Cutter didn't stop on his own accord."
Lester took a deep breath." No, he didn't stop. But I know he wasn't himself at the time. In spite of what happened I miss Nick," Lester revealed.
Connor looked up, with a mixture of confusion and shock. "I've seen you shiver because of him..," he pointed out.
Lester sighed. The boy was too perceptive for his own good. But Connor deserved an honest answer.
"It's hard to distinguish between things. In my mind I know it was the drug and that he isn't responsible for his actions, but deep down I still have the irrational fear that it could happen again."
"That's what I mean. I could..."
"No!" Lester cut in. "With Cutter it's something else. Nothing that has to do with you or the drug."
Connor wrinkled his forehead.
Lester closed his eyes in frustration. The young man didn't understand. He would have to be more specific and give away some very private details. "Cutter has had some extreme experiences in the past... I'm not sure he has put it all behind him yet. But that's nothing that concerns you.
So stop beating yourself up about something you can't change and start making amends with Abby. Your behaviour is hurting her more than your involuntary acts under the influence of the drug."
Connor bit his lips. He had a lot of thinking to do.
"Besides, Connor, fear isn't not the only emotion which can make a person shiver," Lester added wryly.
The boy's eyes grew wide and he asked tentatively: "But can you really forgive him? Like you said, he did more than just steal a kiss."
James Lester grimaced in resignation.
"What choice do I have? Feelings don't disappear so easily, never to be seen again, even if you want that to happen. Now promise me you'll talk to Abby."
Connor nodded and said earnestly: "Only if you'll talk to Cutter."
Lester raised his eyebrow, but Connor didn't back down. With a ghost of a smile he finally answered: "Agreed!"
When James Lester walked back into his hotel room he felt a whole lot better.
A small hurdle had been cleared. Tomorrow he would have to face the massive obstacle.
Author: TalliW
Pairings: Lester/Cutter
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Primeval are the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Ditzy belongs to Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Abby was offended by her friends behaviour. Connor was studiously avoiding her if he got the chance. He'd teamed up with Cutter and spent his time with Babyface. She knew he was ashamed and shocked about what had occurred between them. To see Connor like that had been a shock for her too.
But she also knew it had been the drug in his body which had made him react like that.
Even so a small part of her, really just a very small part, had enjoyed the view of Connor throwing Stephen against the locker. But that wasn't something she would reveal to anyone.
In her mind she still could hear Connor's desperate cry of "Abby!", and there hadn't been anything scary in his voice. It had sounded needy and yearning.
Even in her sleep she saw Connor calling out for her and then she missed him terribly the next morning.
Without Connor, the flat was tidy but now she wished he was there to leave his socks lying around. She even wished that she would find a tee shirt he had forgotten to put into the hamper. She also missed his annoyingly squashed tube of toothpaste and the tipped up toilet seat, something that had always upset her in the past.
Rex had taken possession of Connor's bed after the second night when the little lizard had waited in vain for his second master. He had twittered sadly when Abby told him, with tears in her eyes, that Connor prefered to stay at a hotel instead of coming home to them.
With every passing day it had become harder for her to go to work and watch Connor shy away from her. She wasn't sure how much longer she could go on like that. Feigning indifference and pretending she wasn't hurt by his behaviour wasn't easy and Abby felt worn out after the first hours at work.
James Lester was watching with concern as Temple and Cutter walked around with their heads bowed in shame, trying to avoid their colleagues.
Their performance was sinking and the team's work was uncoordinated. Again! But in their line of work operating as a team was a necessity.
The whole Anomaly project was at stake now. He had heard rumours that the Prime Minister was considering giving complete charge of it to the military. A file containing those orders already existed, ready to be activated. The instruction on how to deal with the animals wouldn't bode well for Geronimo and the other creatures.
On top of this Connor's behaviour was also hurting Abby and he liked the funky girl. She was a formidable colleague and still kept his secret about his friendship with Geronimo.
And Cutter would surely have a serious accident pretty soon if he didn't look where he was going.
It was obvious that he preferred to stay in his office most of the time and refused to speak with his friends. Even his recently patched up friendship with Stephen was drifting apart again.
He would have to talk with both men.
Some days ago, he'd given the order to forget the incident. It was time the two followed his order.
Lester snorted bitterly. It all sounded so easy. But how could he forget and talk with Cutter when he still tensed up every time the man came close to him? .
Whenever that happened, he tried to convince himself it had been the drug and not Nick Cutter, despite the fact that the attacker in his memories still had Cutter's face.
He feared and longed for Nick at the same time and the conflicting feelings made his head spin and his heart ache.
Helen had chosen her form of revenge well. James Lester had never really hated anyone in his life before. Now he did.
After a particularly bad day, Lester walked into his hotel room and slumped down onto the bed. Connor, in his attempts to stay away from Abby, had stumpled in the line of fire, getting in the way of a volley of shots aimed at a cave bear from the Pleistocene and had nearly got himself killed. It was a wonder the stupid boy had only ended up with a grazing shot to the shoulder and a perforated hat.
Currently he was with Cutter in the ARC's infirmary in the care of Second Lieutenant 'Ditzy' Owen.
Lester hoped his team leader would give the boy a piece of his mind but after Cutter's subdued behaviour in the last few days it was unlikely. Fortunately the medic had no qualms about calling a spade a spade and Connor would almost certainly get a dressing down from Stephen and Lyle too.
James Lester had left the ARC earlier, not ready to deal with the consequences of a mentally unstable employee.
Not the first time since he had taken over the Anomaly project, he asked himself if it was worth all the trouble. Perhaps it would be better to quit of his own accord and ask for another assignment before the project was taken away from him. But James Lester wasn't normally a quitter. He had to fix the mess even if it meant having to overcome his fears and possibly even to give up a part of himself in that progress.
Connor Temple was at the end of his tether. The dressing down he had from Stephen and Lyle, and the occasional barb from Ditzy had worn him down. Even his friend Private Marcus Fox, Babyface, was cross with him. The grazing shot had come from Marcus' weapon.
Cutter was the only one who had supported him the whole time and he was the only one Connor was able to confide in.
"I'm afraid to get close to her. I attacked her, for heaven's sake! What must Abby think of me? She's seen me lose control and turn violent on her. But all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss her. I still remember it like that. A gentle kiss and not..." Connor shuddered and buried his head in his hands to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanted to go to the cinema with her on Saturday, to see all three parts of Jurassic Park one after the other. Afterwards we would have eaten at KFC. It's all over now. I wish the shot hadn't just grazed me," he cried.
Nick put his arm comfortingly around Connor's uninjured shoulder.
He could exactly understand Connor's feelings. He also had attacked the person he loved. But in his case, as opposed to Connor's, no one had been there to stop him. When he'd jumped at James from behind, the man hadn't stood a chance. But the worst was the twisted memory. In his mind he still saw them making love and felt the bliss from getting back with his lover. To hear it had been a brutal act and not a gentle experience for James had nearly destroyed him.
As it was destroying Connor even though the young man had been knocked out before he'd really been able to hurt Abby.
Nick Cutter was determined to help him.The boy didn't deserve that. He was just another victim. Connor still had a chance for a bright future ahead of him whereas Nick hadn't anymore.
Lester knocked at the hotel room door and waited impatiently. Instead of the noise of the door opening he heard an angry, "Go away!"
James Lester knocked again. And again. "Open the bloody door, Temple or I'll have to call the hotel manager to help me. And I'll not be happy about that."
Finally the door was pushed open a small way and Connor peeked out.
"Sorry, Sir, I thought it was Abby. Cutter's told her where I live and brought her here as well. He thought it was a good idea to clear the air. But I don't want to talk to her," he said, stubbornly.
A shudder ran down Lester's spine at the thought of Nick Cutter as close to his own room as that and he wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement. His feelings were all upside down since the incident.
But he saw instantly that the boy was close to a break down. Connor looked weary and had started to lose weight. And his eyes showed the same amount of despair Lester himself had felt after the row with Nick.
"Can I come in, Temple? We have to talk."
Connor stepped aside willingly and Lester walked into the room.
When they were seated, with Connor on the bed and Lester on the only chair in the room, he asked: "How do you feel? The truth, please, and not the nonsense you're telling everyone else."
Lester waited but Connor Temple didn't say anything. He just grabbed a pillow and started to knead and twirl a corner of the pillowcase in his hands.
Lester sighed. "Damn it, Temple! You weren't responsible for your actions. It was the drug.
Everyone can see that she's missing you. Now act like an real man. Get over it and talk to Abby. I'm sure she doesn't blame you for the incident. She's a sensible girl."
"That's the same crap everyone else had been telling me,." Connor retorted. "You weren't there and you don't understand. I saw her eyes that day. She was scared stiff. She was afraid of me. How can I ever look her in the eyes again after that? There must be some sort of violent streak inside me or I wouldn't have been so brutal. I should have been able to fight the effects of the drug.
Do you think I don't miss Abby too? I miss her terribly. I want to touch her, hug her, but I can't. We weren't a couple before and now I'll never have a chance with her."
Lester watched the boy bury his head into the pillow and gulped. He was capable of doing it. Connor had to talk about it.
"You're right. I wasn't there when you attacked Abby. I was too busy fending off my own attacker. And he did more than just force me into a kiss."
Connor just started to knead the pillow again.
"They have tested the drug they found in the coffee pot. Even the guinea pigs reacted violently after a small dose. It isn't inside you, Connor, believe me. No one blames you but yourself. Everyone knows you're a nice young man who wouldn't hurt Abby on purpose."
"But if the Stephen and the soldiers hadn't stopped me I would have done it. I had... Cutter didn't stop on his own accord."
Lester took a deep breath." No, he didn't stop. But I know he wasn't himself at the time. In spite of what happened I miss Nick," Lester revealed.
Connor looked up, with a mixture of confusion and shock. "I've seen you shiver because of him..," he pointed out.
Lester sighed. The boy was too perceptive for his own good. But Connor deserved an honest answer.
"It's hard to distinguish between things. In my mind I know it was the drug and that he isn't responsible for his actions, but deep down I still have the irrational fear that it could happen again."
"That's what I mean. I could..."
"No!" Lester cut in. "With Cutter it's something else. Nothing that has to do with you or the drug."
Connor wrinkled his forehead.
Lester closed his eyes in frustration. The young man didn't understand. He would have to be more specific and give away some very private details. "Cutter has had some extreme experiences in the past... I'm not sure he has put it all behind him yet. But that's nothing that concerns you.
So stop beating yourself up about something you can't change and start making amends with Abby. Your behaviour is hurting her more than your involuntary acts under the influence of the drug."
Connor bit his lips. He had a lot of thinking to do.
"Besides, Connor, fear isn't not the only emotion which can make a person shiver," Lester added wryly.
The boy's eyes grew wide and he asked tentatively: "But can you really forgive him? Like you said, he did more than just steal a kiss."
James Lester grimaced in resignation.
"What choice do I have? Feelings don't disappear so easily, never to be seen again, even if you want that to happen. Now promise me you'll talk to Abby."
Connor nodded and said earnestly: "Only if you'll talk to Cutter."
Lester raised his eyebrow, but Connor didn't back down. With a ghost of a smile he finally answered: "Agreed!"
When James Lester walked back into his hotel room he felt a whole lot better.
A small hurdle had been cleared. Tomorrow he would have to face the massive obstacle.