Primeval WIP: Forgiving (23/...)
Title: Forgiving (23/...)
Author: TalliW
Pairings: Lester/Cutter
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Primeval are the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn are the property of Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Stephen unobtrusively observed the man sitting beside him in the staff canteen.
Jon Lyle was still agitated from a dressing-down from Lester for his men's poor performance at the last weapons practice.
"For heaven's sake, it was just two shots off the mark and one shot near the mark. The others were hits. The guy is off his bloody rocker," Lyle ranted.
Stephen could relate to that. He had received a similar lecture about operational capability an hour ago. Perhaps Lester had been a bit more affable to him than to the soldier but the meeting hadn't been any less harsh. The man was really on edge.
"This has to stop. You have to talk to Cutter to make him see reason before Lester goes totally bonkers," Lyle said finally.
Stephen sighed. "I can't, Lyle. You know my position. After what happened with Helen I don't want to risk my friendship with Nick by standing up to the bloke. The fact that the bloke is Lester, my boss, who just frazzled me out, isn't helping much."
"Don't tell me you're happy with the current situation, Hart. Seems to me you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Have you seen how poorly the guy looks? I think if Lester cracks, Cutter won't be far behind. So if you really want to help your friend then you have to knock sense into him.
Now excuse me, please, I have to train my men at the shooting range."
Stephen bit his lip and watched Lyle walk away. It seemed he really would need to have a proper talk with Nick after all.
An hour later, Stephen had gathered enough courage to talk with Cutter but now the man was nowhere to be seen. Stephen shook his head, frustrated.
Typical Nick Cutter, he never made it easy for him.
Finally he saw him walking along the corridor and followed him, right into the lavatory.
"Nick, we have to talk."
"Hello, Stephen, you do know I'm just about take a piss?" Cutter asked, irritably.
But now Stephen had started he didn't want to stop. Perhaps it was even better that Cutter had his hands full if he was about to speak his mind.
"Nick, don't get me wrong...." he said cautiously. "I really like you. But sometimes you can be a real prick."
Stephen heard a gulping noise from Cutter and carried on: "You have that holier-than-thou attitude and you tend to put people on a pedestal.
And every time they behave like human beings you're shocked. But that's what we are, just ordinary people who make mistakes."
"Are you finished now?" Cutter asked, disgruntled, while zipping his trousers up.
"You could forgive me, so why not him? You're both miserable. I understand. He didn't tell you about the deal with Helen and that wasn't honest. But he had his orders.... And he just talked with Helen, he didn't go looking for her. The first few times she showed up all of her own accord. I mean, it isn't as if he's slept with her or.... Fuck! I mean..."
Lost for words Stephen finally broke off.
Nick looked at him with raised eyebrows. "That was a very impressive speech, Stephen, for a talk in the loo. Should I be afraid now that you'll give me a piece of my mind every time I go to the toilet?"
Stephen blushed. "OK, the location wasn't the best choice but that doesn't make the things I said any less true.
Nick, do you really want go on like that? Or is this just your way of punishing him and maybe you'll forgive him in the end?
I'm afraid Lester can't take much more or he'll break down. It is really so terrible to get off your high horse and give him a bit of hope?"
Nick Cutter clenched his teeth and walked to the sink. Stephen waited for a reaction, but his friend just washed his hands and left the toilets.
'That could have been gone better,' Stephen thought, sighing.
Nick hadn't looked closely at Lester for two weeks. Now he was shocked by his poor appearance. The man's suit was still as neat as ever but currently it was hanging around his frame. James must have lost 12 pounds surely. The red-rimmed eyes told of sleepless nights and his movements were erratic. Stephen had been right, Lester was on the edge.
Half an hour later Nick walked into Lester's office with a Chinese takeaway in his hands. Lester didn't look up when he came in. His eyes were fixed on the papers in front of him.
"You should eat something," Nick said. "You've lost weight. It's Chicken Kung Pao, the way you like it, not too spicy with lots of carrots.
Slowly, Lester lifted his head, looking at him with a mixture of longing, regret and hope.
"Just eat!" Then Nick walked out of the room.
With shaking hands, James Lester took the box with the food and started to eat his first real meal in nearly two weeks.
The next day a small bouquet of alpine squills lay on Cutter's desk.
"In the past it was always me who had to buy the fancy flowers," Nick said, when Lester stepped into the office him behind him.
"The flower seller told me, squills mean, in the language of flowers 'I've made a mistake. Please, forgive me'," Lester declared, embarrassed.
"I don't know if that's true but she told me it was usually a very successful way to apologise."
"Perhaps you should have explained to her they were for a man not a silly girl."
Lester bowed his head and started to retreat. Nick hurried over to him and placed his hand on James' arm. "I didn't mean it like that. The gesture means a lot to me."
"I didn't know how else to say I'm sorry. I'm not good with apologies. Flowers and chocolate were the only things I could come up with. It worked always well with my ex-wife." Lester replied sheepishly.
Nick examined him from head to toe. "You look better than yesterday. Did you eat and get a decent sleep?"
"Yes, I did."
"That's good."
The two men stared awkwardly at each other and remained silent.
Suddenly Cutter spluttered out: "Damn it, James. I miss you. The house is so empty without you and much too big. Sleeping alone doesn't suit me either. And my coffee tastes crappy."
Then he added: "I want you back. But I'm not sure I can trust you. With your line of work how likely is it you'll have to go behind my back again?"
Lester sighed. "I promise you, I'll tell you about all my missions in the future, perhaps not in detail but enough for you to be kept informed. That's more than my ex-wife ever got. By the way, I also wanted to tell you about Helen that day despite my non-disclosure order. But then I didn't get the opportunity."
Cutter bit his lip. "I think I did go haywire that night. It would have been better to talk to you right after I had seen you with Helen instead of getting drunk first."
Nick shook his head in frustration. "Fuck, it seems I'm not better at offering excuses."
Lester smiled tentatively.
"What do we do now?" Nick asked
"What do you want to do?"
Nick Cutter shrugged his shoulders: "Start from scratch or go back to the way it was before. I really don't know."
"Perhaps we could meet on neutral ground first and decide later. Friday night at seven o'clock in that Chinese restaurant?" James Lester suggested.
Cutter regarded James for a moment. "That would be nice. I'll look forward to that."
Suddenly the week didn't seem so bleak anymore.
With new energy, James Lester left the office.
When Abby looked up to him she saw a real smile on his face and breathed a sigh of relief.
And Stephen got the shock of his life when Nick walked up to him and pulled him into his arms briefly, a whispered "Thank you" on his lips.
Author: TalliW
Pairings: Lester/Cutter
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Primeval are the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun.
Lyle and Finn are the property of Fredbassett.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Stephen unobtrusively observed the man sitting beside him in the staff canteen.
Jon Lyle was still agitated from a dressing-down from Lester for his men's poor performance at the last weapons practice.
"For heaven's sake, it was just two shots off the mark and one shot near the mark. The others were hits. The guy is off his bloody rocker," Lyle ranted.
Stephen could relate to that. He had received a similar lecture about operational capability an hour ago. Perhaps Lester had been a bit more affable to him than to the soldier but the meeting hadn't been any less harsh. The man was really on edge.
"This has to stop. You have to talk to Cutter to make him see reason before Lester goes totally bonkers," Lyle said finally.
Stephen sighed. "I can't, Lyle. You know my position. After what happened with Helen I don't want to risk my friendship with Nick by standing up to the bloke. The fact that the bloke is Lester, my boss, who just frazzled me out, isn't helping much."
"Don't tell me you're happy with the current situation, Hart. Seems to me you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Have you seen how poorly the guy looks? I think if Lester cracks, Cutter won't be far behind. So if you really want to help your friend then you have to knock sense into him.
Now excuse me, please, I have to train my men at the shooting range."
Stephen bit his lip and watched Lyle walk away. It seemed he really would need to have a proper talk with Nick after all.
An hour later, Stephen had gathered enough courage to talk with Cutter but now the man was nowhere to be seen. Stephen shook his head, frustrated.
Typical Nick Cutter, he never made it easy for him.
Finally he saw him walking along the corridor and followed him, right into the lavatory.
"Nick, we have to talk."
"Hello, Stephen, you do know I'm just about take a piss?" Cutter asked, irritably.
But now Stephen had started he didn't want to stop. Perhaps it was even better that Cutter had his hands full if he was about to speak his mind.
"Nick, don't get me wrong...." he said cautiously. "I really like you. But sometimes you can be a real prick."
Stephen heard a gulping noise from Cutter and carried on: "You have that holier-than-thou attitude and you tend to put people on a pedestal.
And every time they behave like human beings you're shocked. But that's what we are, just ordinary people who make mistakes."
"Are you finished now?" Cutter asked, disgruntled, while zipping his trousers up.
"You could forgive me, so why not him? You're both miserable. I understand. He didn't tell you about the deal with Helen and that wasn't honest. But he had his orders.... And he just talked with Helen, he didn't go looking for her. The first few times she showed up all of her own accord. I mean, it isn't as if he's slept with her or.... Fuck! I mean..."
Lost for words Stephen finally broke off.
Nick looked at him with raised eyebrows. "That was a very impressive speech, Stephen, for a talk in the loo. Should I be afraid now that you'll give me a piece of my mind every time I go to the toilet?"
Stephen blushed. "OK, the location wasn't the best choice but that doesn't make the things I said any less true.
Nick, do you really want go on like that? Or is this just your way of punishing him and maybe you'll forgive him in the end?
I'm afraid Lester can't take much more or he'll break down. It is really so terrible to get off your high horse and give him a bit of hope?"
Nick Cutter clenched his teeth and walked to the sink. Stephen waited for a reaction, but his friend just washed his hands and left the toilets.
'That could have been gone better,' Stephen thought, sighing.
Nick hadn't looked closely at Lester for two weeks. Now he was shocked by his poor appearance. The man's suit was still as neat as ever but currently it was hanging around his frame. James must have lost 12 pounds surely. The red-rimmed eyes told of sleepless nights and his movements were erratic. Stephen had been right, Lester was on the edge.
Half an hour later Nick walked into Lester's office with a Chinese takeaway in his hands. Lester didn't look up when he came in. His eyes were fixed on the papers in front of him.
"You should eat something," Nick said. "You've lost weight. It's Chicken Kung Pao, the way you like it, not too spicy with lots of carrots.
Slowly, Lester lifted his head, looking at him with a mixture of longing, regret and hope.
"Just eat!" Then Nick walked out of the room.
With shaking hands, James Lester took the box with the food and started to eat his first real meal in nearly two weeks.
The next day a small bouquet of alpine squills lay on Cutter's desk.
"In the past it was always me who had to buy the fancy flowers," Nick said, when Lester stepped into the office him behind him.
"The flower seller told me, squills mean, in the language of flowers 'I've made a mistake. Please, forgive me'," Lester declared, embarrassed.
"I don't know if that's true but she told me it was usually a very successful way to apologise."
"Perhaps you should have explained to her they were for a man not a silly girl."
Lester bowed his head and started to retreat. Nick hurried over to him and placed his hand on James' arm. "I didn't mean it like that. The gesture means a lot to me."
"I didn't know how else to say I'm sorry. I'm not good with apologies. Flowers and chocolate were the only things I could come up with. It worked always well with my ex-wife." Lester replied sheepishly.
Nick examined him from head to toe. "You look better than yesterday. Did you eat and get a decent sleep?"
"Yes, I did."
"That's good."
The two men stared awkwardly at each other and remained silent.
Suddenly Cutter spluttered out: "Damn it, James. I miss you. The house is so empty without you and much too big. Sleeping alone doesn't suit me either. And my coffee tastes crappy."
Then he added: "I want you back. But I'm not sure I can trust you. With your line of work how likely is it you'll have to go behind my back again?"
Lester sighed. "I promise you, I'll tell you about all my missions in the future, perhaps not in detail but enough for you to be kept informed. That's more than my ex-wife ever got. By the way, I also wanted to tell you about Helen that day despite my non-disclosure order. But then I didn't get the opportunity."
Cutter bit his lip. "I think I did go haywire that night. It would have been better to talk to you right after I had seen you with Helen instead of getting drunk first."
Nick shook his head in frustration. "Fuck, it seems I'm not better at offering excuses."
Lester smiled tentatively.
"What do we do now?" Nick asked
"What do you want to do?"
Nick Cutter shrugged his shoulders: "Start from scratch or go back to the way it was before. I really don't know."
"Perhaps we could meet on neutral ground first and decide later. Friday night at seven o'clock in that Chinese restaurant?" James Lester suggested.
Cutter regarded James for a moment. "That would be nice. I'll look forward to that."
Suddenly the week didn't seem so bleak anymore.
With new energy, James Lester left the office.
When Abby looked up to him she saw a real smile on his face and breathed a sigh of relief.
And Stephen got the shock of his life when Nick walked up to him and pulled him into his arms briefly, a whispered "Thank you" on his lips.