Me, the last year, and where I want to go...
A friend on my LJ has been going through some stuff, and I really want respond to her about it, but I realized that without some background, what I have to say won't mean much, but I don't really want to post it up in her comments, so here we are. Plus, I always say I want to blog, this seems a good place to start! :)
Start here: TMI about Talli
I have a job that pays very well (just shy of six figures, but I'm only 26, give me time :) in a field that does does not interest me. Well, that's not fair; the field interests me, what I am doing does not in any way. About a year ago, I made the decision to start looking for a position in the gaming industry due to the fantastic influence of one of my best friends, who is quite highly placed in one of the main console companies. I looked for awhile, found a position I liked but was too slow putting in my resume, then the flood in Iowa happened early last summer. My sister's address quickly turned from Edgewater Dr to Midriver Dr and when she begged me not to move while she was recovering, I acquiesced and stopped looking beyond the periodic job posting emails my friend would send me.
So all that happened last spring and summer. I continued to half-ass my job, doing what was required, but my focus was completely gone-- I just hated everything. Getting up in the morning, spending the best hours of the day in an office building filled with people I didn't care two whits about, and going home too tired to do what I really wanted to.
I really just wanted a break.
Then I got one. Two days after my 26th birthday, I became ill, ended up having two surgeries and spent a month at home recovering. Now this was a serious illness, in which I could very easily have died, and it scared the shit out of me. Twenty-six, and what have I done with my life? I'd always ascribed to the idea that work should fulfill you, make you happy, and give you a purpose. One should be happy to wake up, go to work, make a difference, and come home to your family, screw around a little with whatever makes you happy, rinse and repeat.
So after the worst was over and during my long recovery (still ongoing, dammit), I started to think. A lot. My health, family situation, and the economy were clearly going to make a move to the west coast inadvisable; I was not going to be living to work anytime soon. Which made me think-- live to work? That is crap. I mean, really, life doesn't happen from 7 to 4-- life happens 24 hours a day. Most people don't do what they love, they do what they need to do to make the rest of their lives what they want.
So I called bullshit on the whole idea of ideal careers and started to think about what really made me happy. My family, obviously-- I love being able to take care of my family, to provide the extras that they would not be able to experience otherwise-- vacations, etc-- and I would miss those experiences. I love cooking and food and wine and all those things. I love gaming and technology. I love music and concerts and reading and scifi television and British comedy.
So what I came up with is my own personal credo: I will not live to work, I will work to live. I do not have to be that person everyone else envies because she loves her job and gets paid well for it. I just have to be that person that can live with what she does to make the rest of her life possible. This is what most people do, but I put so much pressure on myself to have that perfect life, I made myself ridiculously unhappy along the way.
In this? I think it's OK to be average.
Start here: TMI about Talli
I have a job that pays very well (just shy of six figures, but I'm only 26, give me time :) in a field that does does not interest me. Well, that's not fair; the field interests me, what I am doing does not in any way. About a year ago, I made the decision to start looking for a position in the gaming industry due to the fantastic influence of one of my best friends, who is quite highly placed in one of the main console companies. I looked for awhile, found a position I liked but was too slow putting in my resume, then the flood in Iowa happened early last summer. My sister's address quickly turned from Edgewater Dr to Midriver Dr and when she begged me not to move while she was recovering, I acquiesced and stopped looking beyond the periodic job posting emails my friend would send me.
So all that happened last spring and summer. I continued to half-ass my job, doing what was required, but my focus was completely gone-- I just hated everything. Getting up in the morning, spending the best hours of the day in an office building filled with people I didn't care two whits about, and going home too tired to do what I really wanted to.
I really just wanted a break.
Then I got one. Two days after my 26th birthday, I became ill, ended up having two surgeries and spent a month at home recovering. Now this was a serious illness, in which I could very easily have died, and it scared the shit out of me. Twenty-six, and what have I done with my life? I'd always ascribed to the idea that work should fulfill you, make you happy, and give you a purpose. One should be happy to wake up, go to work, make a difference, and come home to your family, screw around a little with whatever makes you happy, rinse and repeat.
So after the worst was over and during my long recovery (still ongoing, dammit), I started to think. A lot. My health, family situation, and the economy were clearly going to make a move to the west coast inadvisable; I was not going to be living to work anytime soon. Which made me think-- live to work? That is crap. I mean, really, life doesn't happen from 7 to 4-- life happens 24 hours a day. Most people don't do what they love, they do what they need to do to make the rest of their lives what they want.
So I called bullshit on the whole idea of ideal careers and started to think about what really made me happy. My family, obviously-- I love being able to take care of my family, to provide the extras that they would not be able to experience otherwise-- vacations, etc-- and I would miss those experiences. I love cooking and food and wine and all those things. I love gaming and technology. I love music and concerts and reading and scifi television and British comedy.
So what I came up with is my own personal credo: I will not live to work, I will work to live. I do not have to be that person everyone else envies because she loves her job and gets paid well for it. I just have to be that person that can live with what she does to make the rest of her life possible. This is what most people do, but I put so much pressure on myself to have that perfect life, I made myself ridiculously unhappy along the way.
In this? I think it's OK to be average.