Tekken Movie review!
Spoilers! In my usual rambling style.
Oh dear. It was bad. I like bad movies, I get a real kick out of them. But this was so bad it was painful.
Unlike most fighting games, Tekken has a reasonable plot, or at least did up until Tekken 4. It was a bit different, mixing science and sorcery quite freely, but there was more than enough to hang a movie on, unlike say, Dead or Alive. Also, unlike other fighting games, even the best ones like Street Fighter, Tekken has a lot more individual characterisation. There are a few characters who are "the ninja guy", or "generic soldier" etc., but less so than a lot of other games, and most notably with the newer characters.
So there were good solid foundations, how did the film go so wrong?
Well, the writer(s) abandoned everything that made Tekken, Tekken, and gave us a soulless-generic revenge flick. Predictably, our hero becomes a better man, with the satisfaction of victory (obviously).
Set in a post-apocalyptic world, our fighters enter the Iron Fist tournament, representing different mega corporations who have taken control over the ruined world.
The characters bare no resemblance to their virtual-counterparts. Apart from how they look. And they look like bad cosplayers, lol. There are a few exceptions, but the adherence to the original designs just looks tacky - there was a reason that for the X-men movies, they redesigned the costumes.
Aside from how they look, though, these guys (and gals) aren't your favourite Tekken characters. Kazua is *nothing* like Kazua. Can you really imagine Nina and Anna sharing a guy in a three-some? Tekken fans shouldn't be able to. Steve is a washed up old fighter who used to wear Jin's gloves? Law is a cage fighter?
Christie is white! WTF! So they didn't want to go with Xiaoyu as the love interest, I can understand that. But if you want a white-chick to fill that role, why the fuck would you pick a Brazilian character from the roster? Ugh. Once again, she is nothing like Christie.
On the subject of the romantic sub-plot, it makes no sense to keep cutting back to Jin's (new character for the movie?!) girlfriend, then show him making out with Christie. He even tells her to come into his room! That doesn't make for a likeable hero or an engaging romance story.
Other characters serve no purpose in the movie. Eddie, Yoshimitsu, Bryan, none of these guys get any time devoted to characterisation. What are they fighting for? More importantly, why give over 2 minute expensive action sequences to these guys we know nothing about? That's just bad film-making.
So after the brutal, senseless death of his mother, our hero Jin goes on a rip roaring rampage of revenge, targeting Heihachi. This is really weird to me, as a fan, as Heihachi plays an important role in raising Jin (in the games) after Ogre kills Jun, and it is his treachery that shapes who Jin becomes as a man.
It is also weird, as a fan, to see Kazuya depicted as raping Jun. I am aware that there is no "official" canon story to their relationship, but it was always implied that the two were attracted to each other. The Tekkenpedia sums it up nicely:
"While many fans like to believe that some degree of love and mutual attraction was involved, however, these ideas are often based on non-canon storylines such as Tekken Tag Tournament or Tekken: The Motion Picture. The canon games describe Jun as being "mysteriously drawn to Kazuya", which has led some fans to come to the conclusion of this has led to non-consensual sex, i.e. rape, or at "best", a one-night stand (this is however often discerned due to it not seeming fit for the nature of either character). Namco discribe both characters as to "drawn to one another""
That is some serious character assassination!
So brave Jun enters the Iron Fist tournament as "the people's choice". And *everybody* will keep yelling that throughout the rest of the movie. Like it wards off bad spirits. All it means is that he is an outsider-bet. An underdog. No one voted for him or anything.
Cue lots of bad acting, fight choreography that bares no resemblance to how the game characters fight, and senseless plot twists. You could drive a truck (or Steve's armoured bus) through the plot holes. Making things look even cheaper are the nonsensical cuts and shots. At one point a guy seems to fall through a window for no apparent reason - expect quite a few of those.
Now, for Tekken fans, and I mean fans of the series, not just kids who play the most recent one, the seminal moment in Tekken, the bit when you know everything is awesome, as it peaks, is when Kazuya overthrows Heihachi (and then arguably, when Heihachi returns the favour). In the movie, this scene just made the Tekken fan in me die a little. Kazuya pulls a gun on Heihachi. What? There is no reason for the timing of his strike. It isn't a part of some master stroke, he just whines then pulls a gun and orders his soldiers to cuff him.
Worse yet, Heihachi - the ultimate old-man bad-ass does nothing! Oh, he sets off a fire alarm! WTF! Heihachi is a killing machine, past his prime, sure, but experienced, ruthless and very skilled. He hosts the Tekken tournament! Why he just rolls over makes no sense. I think movie Heihachi is just supposed to be an old man.
Yeah, well fuck you, Tekken movie. Anime Heihachi caught an axe in his mouth! That's my Heihachi!
So Kazuya rounds everyone up, they escape, so he rounds everyone up again. This can only be done with lots of shooting and some explosions. I'm watching a Tekken movie for the melee, not for 3rd rate run-n-gun action. So Raven gets shot but lives, while Steve gets shot and dies. There is no real reason for either event. Oh, and Kazuya threatens to do nasty things to Christie if Jin tries anything (like escaping again).
This is the last we see of most of the Tekken characters, they're all just locked up in a cage.
The reason everyone wants to escape is because Kazuya wants the fights to be death matches. Presumably because the writers were desperate to ratchet up the tension. In movie, it is because of the TV ratings.
That's right. Movie Kazuya cares more about TV ratings than anything else.
So with the world watching, we see Jin beat up Bryan. There is no tension in the fight at all, as we've not seen Bryan up until this point. He's just a guy who Kazuya threatened to throw out of the Iron Fist tournament for being a robot.
Well at least they got the "Bryan's a cyborg" bit right.
Remembering what his mother taught him, that everyone has a weak point, Jin defeats Bryan. Not by hitting his weak point, but by jumping from a really high place and smacking him in the face. I assume that Bryan died here, as Jin is declared victorious.
Not happy with the outcome, possibly something to do with ratings?, Kazuya runs out to fight Jin with an axe in each hand. Our hero gets revenge, decides/learns he is better by not killing him, and walks off (straight past his girlfriend!) as Christie tells us that it is only the beginning.
At this point, I was relieved that it was over.
Oh well, at least the KoF movie will be good.
....
Oh dear. It was bad. I like bad movies, I get a real kick out of them. But this was so bad it was painful.
Unlike most fighting games, Tekken has a reasonable plot, or at least did up until Tekken 4. It was a bit different, mixing science and sorcery quite freely, but there was more than enough to hang a movie on, unlike say, Dead or Alive. Also, unlike other fighting games, even the best ones like Street Fighter, Tekken has a lot more individual characterisation. There are a few characters who are "the ninja guy", or "generic soldier" etc., but less so than a lot of other games, and most notably with the newer characters.
So there were good solid foundations, how did the film go so wrong?
Well, the writer(s) abandoned everything that made Tekken, Tekken, and gave us a soulless-generic revenge flick. Predictably, our hero becomes a better man, with the satisfaction of victory (obviously).
Set in a post-apocalyptic world, our fighters enter the Iron Fist tournament, representing different mega corporations who have taken control over the ruined world.
The characters bare no resemblance to their virtual-counterparts. Apart from how they look. And they look like bad cosplayers, lol. There are a few exceptions, but the adherence to the original designs just looks tacky - there was a reason that for the X-men movies, they redesigned the costumes.
Aside from how they look, though, these guys (and gals) aren't your favourite Tekken characters. Kazua is *nothing* like Kazua. Can you really imagine Nina and Anna sharing a guy in a three-some? Tekken fans shouldn't be able to. Steve is a washed up old fighter who used to wear Jin's gloves? Law is a cage fighter?
Christie is white! WTF! So they didn't want to go with Xiaoyu as the love interest, I can understand that. But if you want a white-chick to fill that role, why the fuck would you pick a Brazilian character from the roster? Ugh. Once again, she is nothing like Christie.
On the subject of the romantic sub-plot, it makes no sense to keep cutting back to Jin's (new character for the movie?!) girlfriend, then show him making out with Christie. He even tells her to come into his room! That doesn't make for a likeable hero or an engaging romance story.
Other characters serve no purpose in the movie. Eddie, Yoshimitsu, Bryan, none of these guys get any time devoted to characterisation. What are they fighting for? More importantly, why give over 2 minute expensive action sequences to these guys we know nothing about? That's just bad film-making.
So after the brutal, senseless death of his mother, our hero Jin goes on a rip roaring rampage of revenge, targeting Heihachi. This is really weird to me, as a fan, as Heihachi plays an important role in raising Jin (in the games) after Ogre kills Jun, and it is his treachery that shapes who Jin becomes as a man.
It is also weird, as a fan, to see Kazuya depicted as raping Jun. I am aware that there is no "official" canon story to their relationship, but it was always implied that the two were attracted to each other. The Tekkenpedia sums it up nicely:
"While many fans like to believe that some degree of love and mutual attraction was involved, however, these ideas are often based on non-canon storylines such as Tekken Tag Tournament or Tekken: The Motion Picture. The canon games describe Jun as being "mysteriously drawn to Kazuya", which has led some fans to come to the conclusion of this has led to non-consensual sex, i.e. rape, or at "best", a one-night stand (this is however often discerned due to it not seeming fit for the nature of either character). Namco discribe both characters as to "drawn to one another""
That is some serious character assassination!
So brave Jun enters the Iron Fist tournament as "the people's choice". And *everybody* will keep yelling that throughout the rest of the movie. Like it wards off bad spirits. All it means is that he is an outsider-bet. An underdog. No one voted for him or anything.
Cue lots of bad acting, fight choreography that bares no resemblance to how the game characters fight, and senseless plot twists. You could drive a truck (or Steve's armoured bus) through the plot holes. Making things look even cheaper are the nonsensical cuts and shots. At one point a guy seems to fall through a window for no apparent reason - expect quite a few of those.
Now, for Tekken fans, and I mean fans of the series, not just kids who play the most recent one, the seminal moment in Tekken, the bit when you know everything is awesome, as it peaks, is when Kazuya overthrows Heihachi (and then arguably, when Heihachi returns the favour). In the movie, this scene just made the Tekken fan in me die a little. Kazuya pulls a gun on Heihachi. What? There is no reason for the timing of his strike. It isn't a part of some master stroke, he just whines then pulls a gun and orders his soldiers to cuff him.
Worse yet, Heihachi - the ultimate old-man bad-ass does nothing! Oh, he sets off a fire alarm! WTF! Heihachi is a killing machine, past his prime, sure, but experienced, ruthless and very skilled. He hosts the Tekken tournament! Why he just rolls over makes no sense. I think movie Heihachi is just supposed to be an old man.
Yeah, well fuck you, Tekken movie. Anime Heihachi caught an axe in his mouth! That's my Heihachi!
So Kazuya rounds everyone up, they escape, so he rounds everyone up again. This can only be done with lots of shooting and some explosions. I'm watching a Tekken movie for the melee, not for 3rd rate run-n-gun action. So Raven gets shot but lives, while Steve gets shot and dies. There is no real reason for either event. Oh, and Kazuya threatens to do nasty things to Christie if Jin tries anything (like escaping again).
This is the last we see of most of the Tekken characters, they're all just locked up in a cage.
The reason everyone wants to escape is because Kazuya wants the fights to be death matches. Presumably because the writers were desperate to ratchet up the tension. In movie, it is because of the TV ratings.
That's right. Movie Kazuya cares more about TV ratings than anything else.
So with the world watching, we see Jin beat up Bryan. There is no tension in the fight at all, as we've not seen Bryan up until this point. He's just a guy who Kazuya threatened to throw out of the Iron Fist tournament for being a robot.
Well at least they got the "Bryan's a cyborg" bit right.
Remembering what his mother taught him, that everyone has a weak point, Jin defeats Bryan. Not by hitting his weak point, but by jumping from a really high place and smacking him in the face. I assume that Bryan died here, as Jin is declared victorious.
Not happy with the outcome, possibly something to do with ratings?, Kazuya runs out to fight Jin with an axe in each hand. Our hero gets revenge, decides/learns he is better by not killing him, and walks off (straight past his girlfriend!) as Christie tells us that it is only the beginning.
At this point, I was relieved that it was over.
Oh well, at least the KoF movie will be good.
....