(no subject)
This is annoying. It's 9:25 and I should be out. I had a party to go to at 8, but here I am. Not there. I fucking hate this no car bullshit. And I know it makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but I don't care. It's bullshit that I have to give up my car. I'm the only one of my friend's that has their own that they don't have to share with anyone. And I'm used to it. I drive people places, I drive myself places. I don't have to depend on anyone else. It's my freedom, and right now, it's gone.
Western was sweet yesterday, tho. I don't know how my audition went, but I pray that I was good enough. But the thing is, I don't think I am. And then what? What am I going to do if I don't get in? Theatre is all I know. And it's scary to think that my future is sitting in the hands of 5 people that I don't know. And they have to put me in their list of 12 out of 60-something. I won't make it. And I don't know what I'm going to do when I get that letter saying I wasn't good enough. The worst part will be when Lexi calls me to tell me she made it. And I have to tell her that I didn't.
But being at Western made me feel like home. I know that sounds corny as shit, but I really feel like I'm supposed to be there. Problem is, I felt that way when I was at State on Tuesday, too. Even though it felt good to be at Western, I've been reconsidering my options lately. What if I don't go to school for a semester? I could apply to State right now for their spring semester and I would start January 08. Yeah, I'd be a semester behind, but I would be at State. Which is where I've wanted to be since 8th grade. Even though I've been interested in Western since 10th. I just don't know what's right for me. And it's scary to think that I have to decide now, and it's going to affect me for the rest of my life.
I hate college, I hate being a senior, I hate not having a car, I hate when my mom's mad at me. I hate the way I feel about certain guys right now, I hate the way my hair's cut, I hate bdubs. I feel so uncomfortable about everything and I want to change it all, but it's out of my hands. I have to accept it, but I can't.
Western was sweet yesterday, tho. I don't know how my audition went, but I pray that I was good enough. But the thing is, I don't think I am. And then what? What am I going to do if I don't get in? Theatre is all I know. And it's scary to think that my future is sitting in the hands of 5 people that I don't know. And they have to put me in their list of 12 out of 60-something. I won't make it. And I don't know what I'm going to do when I get that letter saying I wasn't good enough. The worst part will be when Lexi calls me to tell me she made it. And I have to tell her that I didn't.
But being at Western made me feel like home. I know that sounds corny as shit, but I really feel like I'm supposed to be there. Problem is, I felt that way when I was at State on Tuesday, too. Even though it felt good to be at Western, I've been reconsidering my options lately. What if I don't go to school for a semester? I could apply to State right now for their spring semester and I would start January 08. Yeah, I'd be a semester behind, but I would be at State. Which is where I've wanted to be since 8th grade. Even though I've been interested in Western since 10th. I just don't know what's right for me. And it's scary to think that I have to decide now, and it's going to affect me for the rest of my life.
I hate college, I hate being a senior, I hate not having a car, I hate when my mom's mad at me. I hate the way I feel about certain guys right now, I hate the way my hair's cut, I hate bdubs. I feel so uncomfortable about everything and I want to change it all, but it's out of my hands. I have to accept it, but I can't.