somethings missing?
the way people associate within our lives is kinda crazy. people come in and come out, they go up and then they go down. they love you, yet they hate you. their angry with you, then you make them the happiest person in the world. they make things difficult and then they make them easy again. then once more they come in and come out, they go up and then they go down and so the story goes. on and on it goes, never really preparing themselves or us for that matter where their going to go. sad almost, considering no one ever really ends up as happy as the other. "why are relationships so hard", "because the only thing harder, is being alone". who wants to be alone anyways? yet how mnay people truly gain the courage to go after something they want. well how about the ones that actually do. they never really end up happy, just kind of let down. except you look around for someone and something better to blame other than yourself, yet you cant. you carry your fault within your own hands, walk away and pretend it never happened. then you continue on with your usual "natural" lifestyle and you run into those people again. the ones always passing through just when they feel like they should. like josh for instance. he always just comes around when he feels like the times right. except it's never right. it's just done, its over and its people like him that never leave well enough alone. people like that truly make you question yourself. are you strong enough? are you good enough? how much do we truly all deserve? well its a hell of a lot more than this life is willing to give us. im not unhappy i dont think, just more amazed at the way this life turns out sometimes. you think its ready to let you go, let you be happy, but its not. it's ready to keep you under its wing until someone has to come steal you away from it. so we sit, and we wait and we pretend like this anonymous person is coming soon. they aren't. they dont even know we're waiting. and how about when life throws you that trick where everything you encounter in your daily activity is somehow about you. you know, like when every song that plays on the radio relates to what you're going through or every tv show you watch is talking about exactly what it is your thinking? you feel like the world is out to get you and your not so private feelings. except when is the time right for that person to come along, lend you a helping hand and you be content with reaching out for it. i've reached out a time or two, only to find i was reaching for something that really wasnt there. these things going on in my life are far too real and overwhelming. im also beggining to realize that im doing a terrible job of pretending that i know what im doing and everything is on track and correct. who am i kidding? it's time to walk away from all of this. people are crazy, life is out of control and so am i. i just want something sturdy, but not just my friends. i want to feel happy just once. i want to remember what it feels like to feel so alive that you feel like your walking on sunshine. but the holidays are coming and everyone knows just as well that this time of the year is no time to be alone. yeah. so you can find me sometime wandering down some dark road never really knowing where im going. care to join me?