true or false pt. 1
True or false Charlie and Dan are my new found obsessions. The answer is clear and I will prove it by the following reasons.
1) Dan and I are the gayest people alive and insist on speaking 'OB' non-stop..
Here's a little background information for all of those not cool enough to understand the best language created since Russian. OB is a language that is hard or nearly imposs for other people to understand unless they learn it themselves..The way you speak it is by putting an 'OB' sound in place of every vowel sound and saying the rest of the word as is..this excludes silent vowels thanK. Here's an examp.
Th-ob-is j-ob-our-nob-al ob-is g-ob-ay
T h i s j o u r n a l i s g a y.
Get it? Great. Let's continue because there's a lot of ground to cover..
2) Ok so a few nights ago Charbaby was over and we came to the mutual conclusion that we were hungrier than Eithopian triplets and that we NEEEEEEEEEEEDED Mcdonalds more than Michael Jackson needs an umbrella on a sunny day. Me being the stalker that I am I decided to call Micky D's and ask what time they were open until since I used to work there and memorized the number..I wasn't me when I called..I was Keisha, aka a black ghetto woman with a manly voice. I said things like, "What time ya'll close at? Do you still got da pinapple milkshake cuz my babydaddy likes dat. Why you aint teeeeelllll nobody dat you be closin all late?" It was a RIOT! Just a riot..
I think prank calling as Keisha is another one of my new-found obsessions because when Dan came over I called Blockbuster while still in character. I was like, "What kinda movies ya'll got? Do you have uhm, ArachnaHOMOphobia? I wanted to see dat cuz uhm..I hear it's about spiders..and ANTS!" The Blockbuster lady started giggling kind of, did a search, and informed me that they had Arachnaphobia..without the H-O-M-O part. Can you believe that she actually spelled out the word HOMO as if it is taboo to her..unbelievable. Needeless to say this even was the highlight of my social life since birth.
Ok true or false if you're not laughing by now then you had to've been there because Char and Dan were crying harder than infants and I had to maintain my composure.
True or false we were sitting on my deck and I farted louder than an elephant after eating 5000 prunes. It was in front of Dan, Charlie, and David who probably never witnessed such a thing from a gay man. I wish I could pre-plan my farts as to what degree on the richter scale I want them to reach.
Last night I went out to dinner with a friend at a VARY supurb and expensive restaurant in the City called Valini and I had lamb chops with garlic mashed and two watermelon jolly-rancher martinis. I NEEED THAT EVERYDAY. It was amazing, not to mention our server was gay and BEAUTIFUL. I figured he had a boyfriend..oh wait, he did - and his boy came in towards the end of our meal and I sat in utter jealousy mainly because it would be nice to have a beautiful boy of my own..it doesn't matter though, because I will..it's just a matter of time I suppose. I'm gonna go maintain my houseboy duties and clean the house..ttyl!
ps True or false I was talking once again to Dan and Charlie about my undying foot fetish/obsession and Charlie's response was not only amazing but one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He goes, "Chris..there's more to guys than just their feet." I need hilarious people like that in my life and I'm glad I have them.
1) Dan and I are the gayest people alive and insist on speaking 'OB' non-stop..
Here's a little background information for all of those not cool enough to understand the best language created since Russian. OB is a language that is hard or nearly imposs for other people to understand unless they learn it themselves..The way you speak it is by putting an 'OB' sound in place of every vowel sound and saying the rest of the word as is..this excludes silent vowels thanK. Here's an examp.
Th-ob-is j-ob-our-nob-al ob-is g-ob-ay
T h i s j o u r n a l i s g a y.
Get it? Great. Let's continue because there's a lot of ground to cover..
2) Ok so a few nights ago Charbaby was over and we came to the mutual conclusion that we were hungrier than Eithopian triplets and that we NEEEEEEEEEEEDED Mcdonalds more than Michael Jackson needs an umbrella on a sunny day. Me being the stalker that I am I decided to call Micky D's and ask what time they were open until since I used to work there and memorized the number..I wasn't me when I called..I was Keisha, aka a black ghetto woman with a manly voice. I said things like, "What time ya'll close at? Do you still got da pinapple milkshake cuz my babydaddy likes dat. Why you aint teeeeelllll nobody dat you be closin all late?" It was a RIOT! Just a riot..
I think prank calling as Keisha is another one of my new-found obsessions because when Dan came over I called Blockbuster while still in character. I was like, "What kinda movies ya'll got? Do you have uhm, ArachnaHOMOphobia? I wanted to see dat cuz uhm..I hear it's about spiders..and ANTS!" The Blockbuster lady started giggling kind of, did a search, and informed me that they had Arachnaphobia..without the H-O-M-O part. Can you believe that she actually spelled out the word HOMO as if it is taboo to her..unbelievable. Needeless to say this even was the highlight of my social life since birth.
Ok true or false if you're not laughing by now then you had to've been there because Char and Dan were crying harder than infants and I had to maintain my composure.
True or false we were sitting on my deck and I farted louder than an elephant after eating 5000 prunes. It was in front of Dan, Charlie, and David who probably never witnessed such a thing from a gay man. I wish I could pre-plan my farts as to what degree on the richter scale I want them to reach.
Last night I went out to dinner with a friend at a VARY supurb and expensive restaurant in the City called Valini and I had lamb chops with garlic mashed and two watermelon jolly-rancher martinis. I NEEED THAT EVERYDAY. It was amazing, not to mention our server was gay and BEAUTIFUL. I figured he had a boyfriend..oh wait, he did - and his boy came in towards the end of our meal and I sat in utter jealousy mainly because it would be nice to have a beautiful boy of my own..it doesn't matter though, because I will..it's just a matter of time I suppose. I'm gonna go maintain my houseboy duties and clean the house..ttyl!
ps True or false I was talking once again to Dan and Charlie about my undying foot fetish/obsession and Charlie's response was not only amazing but one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He goes, "Chris..there's more to guys than just their feet." I need hilarious people like that in my life and I'm glad I have them.