1, 2, 3, explode.
ive been a bad bad girl
ive been careless with a delicate man
and its a sad sad world
when a girl can break a boy just because she can
ughhhh.. what a fuckin week. really. i think i am going to have a heart attack any given moment. i have had so many emotions and feelings and experiences to last me the rest of the year.
ben and i broke up kind of. he needs to make up his mind. he doesnt realize it, but he is pushing me away. the only thing holding me on is a thread. but, that thread is freyed.
i really dont know what to do. i mean i do know. i really do know. i just dont want to admit it i guess. i knew it would come down to this. i moved 1600 miles away. i started a new life, doing alot of work and being very busy. i do not have time to be a girlfriend anymore. i do not have time to give endless attention that he needs. school is 50-60 hours a WEEK not including work outside of school i have to do. that is only classes alone. DOES THIS MAKE ME HORRIBLE PERSON???
i do not want to be a girlfriend anymore. the pressure is building and i am suffocating. i can not breath anymore. i am spreading myself WAY to thin. i am not enjoying this. and he says "if you have time for him, you have time for me'. it isnt like that. he is HERE. yes, he will never love me. yes, he will never die for me. yes, he will never love me the way you do. i know this. but, i dont care. i love how you love(d) me. but i cant take it anymore. and, no matter what you think, THIS ISNT ABOUT HIM.
i never did ANY of this to hurt you. i HATE how you have defaced me name to everyone. i HATE how you will not let MY side of the story be heard. i HATE that you LET all of our (your) friends de-friend me becasue i was BUSY WITH SCHOOL and could not call you TWICE in one week... out of the THREE MONTHS i have been here, i have not called you TWICE. it is NOT my fault that you are HYPER SENSITIVE and get worked up over nothing. i am starting to not be able to stand you becasue of this. but you know what, that is FINE with me. if they do not want to be my friend because of this, i say fuck 'em. i have AMAAAAAZZZZZZZZING FRIENDS back home who i miss more than anyone else in this world. i have kelli, muriel, kara, ashley, stina, britt, bean, jody, darin, and alisha. and my brother. (i am sorry those of you who i can not call. i have no time. it is not neglect, i promise you) and i have made some great friends here too... like AMEZ!!! and scottie, noise, tyler, and matty. so your friends who jumped on hating me can fuck themselves.
you can NOT tell me who i can and can not hang out with. that will not happen. ever. even if i KNOW i shouldnt... you TELLING me is not going to fly. i am a big girl, and i will do what i want and what i think is right. after todd, no one will even so much as tell me what kind of toothpaste i should use.
you do not know scottie at all. he is a great guy!! and no, i am not defending him because of what you think. it i because he deserves it. he is someone that is like no one else.... go ahead, be an alpha male and knock him out. it wont solve a god damn thing. he is so cute...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
ugh ben is comming to visit me tomorrow. this is going to be more than interesting. honestly, i do not want him here. this is the wrong time. i dont think it is going to 'rekindle' anything. i think with school, i am going to have ZERO time for him. and, according to him, i am 'not to talk to any of my friends' while he is here. i am not to answer any phone calls. fuck this. really. fuck this.
my grandfather is hospitalized. his sister (my great aunt) is hospitalized. my breaks went out in my car. i have SOOO MUCH SHIT DUE FOR SCHOOL!! i missed my lab, due to no car and me being lame... i loose 4 hrs out (which is ALOT of time in FS world) and 15% of my final grade.
all i want right now more than anything is a night out with my girls back home. i just want to have fun with them. i miss you all more than words can say.....
ive been careless with a delicate man
and its a sad sad world
when a girl can break a boy just because she can
ughhhh.. what a fuckin week. really. i think i am going to have a heart attack any given moment. i have had so many emotions and feelings and experiences to last me the rest of the year.
ben and i broke up kind of. he needs to make up his mind. he doesnt realize it, but he is pushing me away. the only thing holding me on is a thread. but, that thread is freyed.
i really dont know what to do. i mean i do know. i really do know. i just dont want to admit it i guess. i knew it would come down to this. i moved 1600 miles away. i started a new life, doing alot of work and being very busy. i do not have time to be a girlfriend anymore. i do not have time to give endless attention that he needs. school is 50-60 hours a WEEK not including work outside of school i have to do. that is only classes alone. DOES THIS MAKE ME HORRIBLE PERSON???
i do not want to be a girlfriend anymore. the pressure is building and i am suffocating. i can not breath anymore. i am spreading myself WAY to thin. i am not enjoying this. and he says "if you have time for him, you have time for me'. it isnt like that. he is HERE. yes, he will never love me. yes, he will never die for me. yes, he will never love me the way you do. i know this. but, i dont care. i love how you love(d) me. but i cant take it anymore. and, no matter what you think, THIS ISNT ABOUT HIM.
i never did ANY of this to hurt you. i HATE how you have defaced me name to everyone. i HATE how you will not let MY side of the story be heard. i HATE that you LET all of our (your) friends de-friend me becasue i was BUSY WITH SCHOOL and could not call you TWICE in one week... out of the THREE MONTHS i have been here, i have not called you TWICE. it is NOT my fault that you are HYPER SENSITIVE and get worked up over nothing. i am starting to not be able to stand you becasue of this. but you know what, that is FINE with me. if they do not want to be my friend because of this, i say fuck 'em. i have AMAAAAAZZZZZZZZING FRIENDS back home who i miss more than anyone else in this world. i have kelli, muriel, kara, ashley, stina, britt, bean, jody, darin, and alisha. and my brother. (i am sorry those of you who i can not call. i have no time. it is not neglect, i promise you) and i have made some great friends here too... like AMEZ!!! and scottie, noise, tyler, and matty. so your friends who jumped on hating me can fuck themselves.
you can NOT tell me who i can and can not hang out with. that will not happen. ever. even if i KNOW i shouldnt... you TELLING me is not going to fly. i am a big girl, and i will do what i want and what i think is right. after todd, no one will even so much as tell me what kind of toothpaste i should use.
you do not know scottie at all. he is a great guy!! and no, i am not defending him because of what you think. it i because he deserves it. he is someone that is like no one else.... go ahead, be an alpha male and knock him out. it wont solve a god damn thing. he is so cute...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
ugh ben is comming to visit me tomorrow. this is going to be more than interesting. honestly, i do not want him here. this is the wrong time. i dont think it is going to 'rekindle' anything. i think with school, i am going to have ZERO time for him. and, according to him, i am 'not to talk to any of my friends' while he is here. i am not to answer any phone calls. fuck this. really. fuck this.
my grandfather is hospitalized. his sister (my great aunt) is hospitalized. my breaks went out in my car. i have SOOO MUCH SHIT DUE FOR SCHOOL!! i missed my lab, due to no car and me being lame... i loose 4 hrs out (which is ALOT of time in FS world) and 15% of my final grade.
all i want right now more than anything is a night out with my girls back home. i just want to have fun with them. i miss you all more than words can say.....