Really... what if?
What could possibly go wrong?
LONDONABAD, Britannistan. Prime Minister Theresa May has come up with an amazingly ingenuous proposal for solving the rising terror problem that Mother Britannia is having these days. She is preparing a draft of a bill that would enforce Sharia law across the UK.
Her rationale: if people were following strict Islamic law, they wouldn't have anything to be afraid of, since Allah keeps pious Muslims safe from harm, right? And that would also remove a major point of justification for the terrorists' actions (we're currently infidels so we need to be exterminated).
"Just think about this!", Mrs May told the bewildered press. "If we establish Sharia here at home, we would no longer be a target to Muslim extremists, because we would finally have a neat religion-based conservative order. Isn't this what our conservative constituents would have wanted for our great and prosperous society anyway?"
Indeed, according to surveys carried out throughout the Muslim community in the country, the majority of that population would have loved to have Sharia. This way bombers would have no more reason to attack our everyday life - especially Ramadan.
"It's either that, or (gasp!) the Internet", Mrs May concluded. "If we establish Sharia across the land, you'll be able to watch all the goat-related porn on the Internet like good Allah-fearing people do in other Sharia-based countries".
When asked to specify if she meant hard Sharia or soft Sharia, she simply noted, "Sharia is just Sharia".
...Now tell me, was this an Onion-style obnoxious nonsensical non-news - or, incidentally, does it contain a grain of truth? I dunno, you tell me.
LONDONABAD, Britannistan. Prime Minister Theresa May has come up with an amazingly ingenuous proposal for solving the rising terror problem that Mother Britannia is having these days. She is preparing a draft of a bill that would enforce Sharia law across the UK.
Her rationale: if people were following strict Islamic law, they wouldn't have anything to be afraid of, since Allah keeps pious Muslims safe from harm, right? And that would also remove a major point of justification for the terrorists' actions (we're currently infidels so we need to be exterminated).
"Just think about this!", Mrs May told the bewildered press. "If we establish Sharia here at home, we would no longer be a target to Muslim extremists, because we would finally have a neat religion-based conservative order. Isn't this what our conservative constituents would have wanted for our great and prosperous society anyway?"
Indeed, according to surveys carried out throughout the Muslim community in the country, the majority of that population would have loved to have Sharia. This way bombers would have no more reason to attack our everyday life - especially Ramadan.
"It's either that, or (gasp!) the Internet", Mrs May concluded. "If we establish Sharia across the land, you'll be able to watch all the goat-related porn on the Internet like good Allah-fearing people do in other Sharia-based countries".
When asked to specify if she meant hard Sharia or soft Sharia, she simply noted, "Sharia is just Sharia".
...Now tell me, was this an Onion-style obnoxious nonsensical non-news - or, incidentally, does it contain a grain of truth? I dunno, you tell me.