At last, Real Democracy™!
"Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others". -- (One plump man with a big jaw and a cigar).
WARSHINGTON, District of Whocareswhereville. O, glory! O, hallelujah! Last night, the most historic event suddenly and inexplicably happened in this great nation of these The United States of The America. A change was made to the Constitution by We The People™, adding one last, 28th Amendment, which was instantly ratified with a 99.9% majority, and ultimately brought real democracy to the God-chosen people of The America.
The new and final Amendment is called the "Real Democracy Amendment", and is really quite simple: it includes complete reform in campaign finance, removal of the electoral college, and disbandment of all parties. From now on, all candidates for public office will be publicly funded at the respective level of office, and the origin of the funds will be completely transparent, and distributed strictly according to ballot appearance requirements that shall be universal for all voters, thus ensuring equal access for all. The candidates' personal income and wealth shall be fully disclosed, and any contributions from special interest groups and entities shall be completely removed from the campaign. The campaign itself shall last for 10 weeks. The election winners shall be decided by a simple majority, all votes counting equally in the final tally. The system of "electors" who, by the power of their respective party apparatus, have thus far been obliged to fall in line with the rest of said party, shall be removed.
The #28 Real Democracy Amendment hereby puts all political parties outside the law on both federal and state level, making it necessary for each voter to explore each candidate's stance on the issues, and then make an informed decision at the ballots, instead of just voting for a mindless hive-mind group that has only some vague, mostly populist and definitely unachievable platform posted on their campaign website. The Amendment also obligates the politicians elected into office to strive to achieve a balance between defending the interests of their direct constituents and reaching compromise solutions, with the purpose of giving priority to wiser, and inclusive policies.
Further, during the election campaign, no candidate shall be allowed to personally attack their opponents based on their personal life, their family, their acquaintances, and their personal history. If an attack at the opponent's character is truly necessary, it shall relate to, and originate from the political stances and intended (or demonstrated) policies of said candidate - provided that the accusation specifically points out how said character flaw would affect real-world policies, as opposed to appealing to emotion and irrational response from the voters. Further, any candidate who pronounces three blatant lies during the election campaign, shall be automatically removed from the ballot.
When They The People™ learned about the news, great jubilation ensued across towns and villages all throughout the night, as it started slowly dawning on more and more people what the Amendment really meant for them: namely, that after more than two centuries of experiments with useless, archaic and outright stupid election practices, resulting in imminent but hardly surprising failure, the great God-chosen nation of these The United States of The America now have a chance for Real Democracy™, and an opportunity to see real wise policies moving this nation forward, rather than burying it further down into the quagmire of indefinite partisan deadlock, populist pandering for the sake of short-term political gains, and the eroding effect of big-money interests on society.
...But then I woke up in bed, all in sweat, having pissed my pants from joy, and I switched to the News. And I learned that none of that had ever happened.
Then I sipped a beer and went out to feed the sheep in the backyard.
WARSHINGTON, District of Whocareswhereville. O, glory! O, hallelujah! Last night, the most historic event suddenly and inexplicably happened in this great nation of these The United States of The America. A change was made to the Constitution by We The People™, adding one last, 28th Amendment, which was instantly ratified with a 99.9% majority, and ultimately brought real democracy to the God-chosen people of The America.
The new and final Amendment is called the "Real Democracy Amendment", and is really quite simple: it includes complete reform in campaign finance, removal of the electoral college, and disbandment of all parties. From now on, all candidates for public office will be publicly funded at the respective level of office, and the origin of the funds will be completely transparent, and distributed strictly according to ballot appearance requirements that shall be universal for all voters, thus ensuring equal access for all. The candidates' personal income and wealth shall be fully disclosed, and any contributions from special interest groups and entities shall be completely removed from the campaign. The campaign itself shall last for 10 weeks. The election winners shall be decided by a simple majority, all votes counting equally in the final tally. The system of "electors" who, by the power of their respective party apparatus, have thus far been obliged to fall in line with the rest of said party, shall be removed.
The #28 Real Democracy Amendment hereby puts all political parties outside the law on both federal and state level, making it necessary for each voter to explore each candidate's stance on the issues, and then make an informed decision at the ballots, instead of just voting for a mindless hive-mind group that has only some vague, mostly populist and definitely unachievable platform posted on their campaign website. The Amendment also obligates the politicians elected into office to strive to achieve a balance between defending the interests of their direct constituents and reaching compromise solutions, with the purpose of giving priority to wiser, and inclusive policies.
Further, during the election campaign, no candidate shall be allowed to personally attack their opponents based on their personal life, their family, their acquaintances, and their personal history. If an attack at the opponent's character is truly necessary, it shall relate to, and originate from the political stances and intended (or demonstrated) policies of said candidate - provided that the accusation specifically points out how said character flaw would affect real-world policies, as opposed to appealing to emotion and irrational response from the voters. Further, any candidate who pronounces three blatant lies during the election campaign, shall be automatically removed from the ballot.
When They The People™ learned about the news, great jubilation ensued across towns and villages all throughout the night, as it started slowly dawning on more and more people what the Amendment really meant for them: namely, that after more than two centuries of experiments with useless, archaic and outright stupid election practices, resulting in imminent but hardly surprising failure, the great God-chosen nation of these The United States of The America now have a chance for Real Democracy™, and an opportunity to see real wise policies moving this nation forward, rather than burying it further down into the quagmire of indefinite partisan deadlock, populist pandering for the sake of short-term political gains, and the eroding effect of big-money interests on society.
...But then I woke up in bed, all in sweat, having pissed my pants from joy, and I switched to the News. And I learned that none of that had ever happened.
Then I sipped a beer and went out to feed the sheep in the backyard.