used to be
I used to be the loud drunk girl who flirted and had fun
Now Im the quiet not yet drunk girl but on my way and when im drunk Ill go flirt and make nice
Not so different I guess...
But I used to try harder. I used to have drunk as my goal. I used to have cute boys on my mind.
Now I just enjoy.
Last night I went out with Adam, Jen, and their friends. It was ones birthday. I didnt know anyone and I wasnt trying to get to know them. I had a malibu/pineapple and it didnt do anything, I had a cosmo, and still sober, so I had another, and wham bam thank you mam. :)
And then I started to wander around this foreign bar... its funny, I should have been there before but I never quite made it to this dump...
Pool tables, stairs, and a man in a shirt that said I love Uruagay.
I stopped him and I said I love uruagoy. I then went on about how I was there when I was 16, but I dont remember much because my sister took me so I just didnt remember what cities were called and what the airport was called. Then he was said he is from there, and he thinks its a shit hole. And I said no its beautiful. Then he told me he lied, and I was like shit, Im lying too! And then it was much more fun. We talked about everything... it was nice, it was better than hanging out with the group. They were kinda boring actually... and just into their stupid shit... like lets compare boobs. Please.
Jeremiah and his friends were tall and yummy.
I think seeing Jake again reminded me that I like attractive men.
What have I been doing wasting my time??? I dont like Jewish guys. Theyre not tall enough, or fun at all. I like white guys damnit. I like white trash. I like guys who smoke and drink. I need to get over seeing this as a bad thing, and realize I like it, and I want it, and Im going to get it.
We played some pool, and I was drunk. And Jeremiah wanted my number so I gave it to him. I doubt Ill hear from him though. He just got back from Iraq and wants to be free and travel. Men and their freedom...
Every day I learn something about me, and my life. Every day. Its good to go out and meet people. Its dumb to try to fit someone into your life. Its good to love people for who they are even if thats trash, especially then. Its good to realize what works for you.
Its funny I used to be all into the things the stupid people I was with are into... I used to be the comparing of the boobs type. Now I want to talk with people and meet new friends. I like this better. And Im sorta proud of myself for growing up a lil. :)
I remember when Jake took me to see 50 first Dates. First we went to jack in the box. That was our date. And I didnt dis-like it. In fact I loved it. Because I loved Jake, and I wanted to be with him no matter what.
I want that again. I dont want someone trying to impress me. I love roses and chocolates and crap, but not at first. I want to get to know them. I dont want to know they can buy stuff... because if thats all they have, then thats no good.
I remember when Jake was trying to show me some karma sutra position, and ended up dropping me on my stomach. It hurt, but I couldnt feel anything because I was cracking up so badly. It was so fuckin funny. It was just like THMUP all the sudden... imagine what the people downstairs though. Living with Jake, being with Jake... everything was great. I dont mean to make it sound perfect, there were serious serios problems... but still so many good times. And I knew what his issues were... I accepted them, and loved him still.
When I saw Jake this past weekend he said Im what keeps him sane.
I wish I could say the same. All I have is love for him... thats all he gives me.
Funny thing is, its all I want.
And Im not going to find that in roses, or BMW's, or fancy dinners. I have to tell the guy that wants to take care of me for the rest of my life, that Im probably stupid for doing this, that no girl would ever do this... but I cant see him anymore. I dont love him, I dont find him attractive, and I cant see myself ever feeling that way about him. And its not even convenient.
Neiighbor guy was convenient. And I liked him. That was a good deal except he wasnt into me. Its so weird how that happened. Has that ever happened? I dont think so. Weird.
I think Im still drunk. Theres no better way to be at work...
Drunk, but beautiful. Exhausted, but smiling.
Relaxed.
My work ethic hasnt changed. Might as well be fucked up at work. Thats what I said when I was 19. Five years and I guess some things just never change. :)
Now Im the quiet not yet drunk girl but on my way and when im drunk Ill go flirt and make nice
Not so different I guess...
But I used to try harder. I used to have drunk as my goal. I used to have cute boys on my mind.
Now I just enjoy.
Last night I went out with Adam, Jen, and their friends. It was ones birthday. I didnt know anyone and I wasnt trying to get to know them. I had a malibu/pineapple and it didnt do anything, I had a cosmo, and still sober, so I had another, and wham bam thank you mam. :)
And then I started to wander around this foreign bar... its funny, I should have been there before but I never quite made it to this dump...
Pool tables, stairs, and a man in a shirt that said I love Uruagay.
I stopped him and I said I love uruagoy. I then went on about how I was there when I was 16, but I dont remember much because my sister took me so I just didnt remember what cities were called and what the airport was called. Then he was said he is from there, and he thinks its a shit hole. And I said no its beautiful. Then he told me he lied, and I was like shit, Im lying too! And then it was much more fun. We talked about everything... it was nice, it was better than hanging out with the group. They were kinda boring actually... and just into their stupid shit... like lets compare boobs. Please.
Jeremiah and his friends were tall and yummy.
I think seeing Jake again reminded me that I like attractive men.
What have I been doing wasting my time??? I dont like Jewish guys. Theyre not tall enough, or fun at all. I like white guys damnit. I like white trash. I like guys who smoke and drink. I need to get over seeing this as a bad thing, and realize I like it, and I want it, and Im going to get it.
We played some pool, and I was drunk. And Jeremiah wanted my number so I gave it to him. I doubt Ill hear from him though. He just got back from Iraq and wants to be free and travel. Men and their freedom...
Every day I learn something about me, and my life. Every day. Its good to go out and meet people. Its dumb to try to fit someone into your life. Its good to love people for who they are even if thats trash, especially then. Its good to realize what works for you.
Its funny I used to be all into the things the stupid people I was with are into... I used to be the comparing of the boobs type. Now I want to talk with people and meet new friends. I like this better. And Im sorta proud of myself for growing up a lil. :)
I remember when Jake took me to see 50 first Dates. First we went to jack in the box. That was our date. And I didnt dis-like it. In fact I loved it. Because I loved Jake, and I wanted to be with him no matter what.
I want that again. I dont want someone trying to impress me. I love roses and chocolates and crap, but not at first. I want to get to know them. I dont want to know they can buy stuff... because if thats all they have, then thats no good.
I remember when Jake was trying to show me some karma sutra position, and ended up dropping me on my stomach. It hurt, but I couldnt feel anything because I was cracking up so badly. It was so fuckin funny. It was just like THMUP all the sudden... imagine what the people downstairs though. Living with Jake, being with Jake... everything was great. I dont mean to make it sound perfect, there were serious serios problems... but still so many good times. And I knew what his issues were... I accepted them, and loved him still.
When I saw Jake this past weekend he said Im what keeps him sane.
I wish I could say the same. All I have is love for him... thats all he gives me.
Funny thing is, its all I want.
And Im not going to find that in roses, or BMW's, or fancy dinners. I have to tell the guy that wants to take care of me for the rest of my life, that Im probably stupid for doing this, that no girl would ever do this... but I cant see him anymore. I dont love him, I dont find him attractive, and I cant see myself ever feeling that way about him. And its not even convenient.
Neiighbor guy was convenient. And I liked him. That was a good deal except he wasnt into me. Its so weird how that happened. Has that ever happened? I dont think so. Weird.
I think Im still drunk. Theres no better way to be at work...
Drunk, but beautiful. Exhausted, but smiling.
Relaxed.
My work ethic hasnt changed. Might as well be fucked up at work. Thats what I said when I was 19. Five years and I guess some things just never change. :)