Daddy
Its finally setting in that Im seeing him in two days. Unreal.
Mommy, I hope you can arrange the stars so that this goes well. Im pretty nervous now.
Remember, expecations are (shit I forget)...
well, they are bad things, waiting to happen. They are hurt, and disappointments.
And its even hard to have expections when its been so long. When so much has happened.
Im glad Im in touch with myself. I told him, straight up, that Im nervous. I told him, because, again, Im the adult. A grown person can admit that they have feelings. Even when they are uncomfortable. I just hope he is grown enough to be able to receive what I am puting out.
So I need to remind myself that Im doing this for me. For my heart. For my spirit. For my future. Not being in touch with crazy family is not normal. As much as it may sound like the best idea. Normal is being in touch with psycho freakish family, and making the best out of it. Okay.
It doesnt help that Daddy has a wife and daughter. That makes it so much weirder. On one hand, its good I dont have to be alone with him. On the other hand, its redicilous that I cant be alone with my dad. Im looking forward to seeing their dog. Im looking forward to experiencing their version of a kosher Shabbat that is for me, because, theyre not really Jewish. I have un-jewish family. Unreal.
Im going to marry a Rabbi. My kids will never have these issues. My kids will know where they belong, community, reality, and soul. My kids will feel loved by both parents. And I need to do this for me. Because I raised myself.
The new guy says, I did a very good job.
The new guy is smart for liking me.
Im meeting his mom tomorrow. And then the next day, I re-meet my dad.
Never boring.
Mommy, I hope you can arrange the stars so that this goes well. Im pretty nervous now.
Remember, expecations are (shit I forget)...
well, they are bad things, waiting to happen. They are hurt, and disappointments.
And its even hard to have expections when its been so long. When so much has happened.
Im glad Im in touch with myself. I told him, straight up, that Im nervous. I told him, because, again, Im the adult. A grown person can admit that they have feelings. Even when they are uncomfortable. I just hope he is grown enough to be able to receive what I am puting out.
So I need to remind myself that Im doing this for me. For my heart. For my spirit. For my future. Not being in touch with crazy family is not normal. As much as it may sound like the best idea. Normal is being in touch with psycho freakish family, and making the best out of it. Okay.
It doesnt help that Daddy has a wife and daughter. That makes it so much weirder. On one hand, its good I dont have to be alone with him. On the other hand, its redicilous that I cant be alone with my dad. Im looking forward to seeing their dog. Im looking forward to experiencing their version of a kosher Shabbat that is for me, because, theyre not really Jewish. I have un-jewish family. Unreal.
Im going to marry a Rabbi. My kids will never have these issues. My kids will know where they belong, community, reality, and soul. My kids will feel loved by both parents. And I need to do this for me. Because I raised myself.
The new guy says, I did a very good job.
The new guy is smart for liking me.
Im meeting his mom tomorrow. And then the next day, I re-meet my dad.
Never boring.