If countries had personalities, hmm...
An excerpt from the travel story compilation Not So Funny When It Happened. What else does this remind me of, hurpderp.
THE ELEPHANT THAT ROARED
Like people, countries have personalities
The premise: a worldwide competition has been proclaimed for essays about elephants. We have to guess the titles submitted by each country.
The toastmaster starts off the feast of national stereotyping with: "The Americans sent in: 'How to build a bigger and better elephant.' The Japanese countered with: 'How to build a smaller and cheaper elephant.' The English? They proffered: 'Elephants I have shot,' while the French put forward: 'L'amour de l'elephant.' And the Germans? The Germans sent in seventeen enormous volumes entitled: "A Short Introduction to Elephants."
Delegates from some of the larger countries wade in. The professor from northern Russia submits: "Russia, motherland of all elephants." The ever-polite Swedes propose: "How to address an elephant by its proper title," An academic from Northern Ireland throws in: "An essay on why it is not appropriate at this time to decommission our elephants." The self-obsessed Norwegians deign to offer: "Norway and the Norwegians."
We have it now. We know the rules, our challenge is to appropriate this game for microstates. To show that they too have enough of an identity to bother parodying.
A member of the Falkland Islands legislature gets up. There is a hush. Realizing that he will have to acquaint us with the Falklands' sense of self before he can make fun of it, he starts in: "Seeing that the Falkland Islands are stuck out in the middle of the ocean, our essay would be: 'Long-distance swimming techniques for elephants.'"
Emboldened, by alcohol if by nothing else, an economist from the UK tax haven of Isle of Man tries: "The Isle of Man submits: 'Tax planning for the expatriate elephant." The room rocks with laughter.
A professor from rabidly free market Estonia booms out: "How to sell an elephant on the New York Stock market."
A journalist from the Aland Islands, a group of Swedish-speaking, semiautonomous islands which grudgingly belong to Finland, makes reference to the country's main industry, shipping with: "How to arrange the transportation of elephants in open seas."
But he's not finished, now it is not enough to create your own national myth, there is a growing desire to take shots at the colonial powers. So, a reference to the insecurity of the Finns is included: "And the Finns, they send in: 'An interesting conference on elephants to be held in the lovely town of Helsinki.'"
About this time, a taciturn economist from the UK decides the atmosphere of self-determination is making us a bit too giddy. He cold showers us with: "The UK's submission is: 'Granting sovereignty to the legs of the elephant so they can each go their own way.'" We laugh him off goodnaturedly. Our microstates are gleaming so brightly tonight, they can eclipse a grumbling, number-cruncher with ease.
Author: Cleo Paskal
Too bad not more countries were involved in the game. I wonder what Spain, Italy, Greece, China, Australia and the others would say regarding ze elephant~
I recommend the book as well. I love travel stories, especially of the humorous or bizarre variety :D
THE ELEPHANT THAT ROARED
Like people, countries have personalities
The premise: a worldwide competition has been proclaimed for essays about elephants. We have to guess the titles submitted by each country.
The toastmaster starts off the feast of national stereotyping with: "The Americans sent in: 'How to build a bigger and better elephant.' The Japanese countered with: 'How to build a smaller and cheaper elephant.' The English? They proffered: 'Elephants I have shot,' while the French put forward: 'L'amour de l'elephant.' And the Germans? The Germans sent in seventeen enormous volumes entitled: "A Short Introduction to Elephants."
Delegates from some of the larger countries wade in. The professor from northern Russia submits: "Russia, motherland of all elephants." The ever-polite Swedes propose: "How to address an elephant by its proper title," An academic from Northern Ireland throws in: "An essay on why it is not appropriate at this time to decommission our elephants." The self-obsessed Norwegians deign to offer: "Norway and the Norwegians."
We have it now. We know the rules, our challenge is to appropriate this game for microstates. To show that they too have enough of an identity to bother parodying.
A member of the Falkland Islands legislature gets up. There is a hush. Realizing that he will have to acquaint us with the Falklands' sense of self before he can make fun of it, he starts in: "Seeing that the Falkland Islands are stuck out in the middle of the ocean, our essay would be: 'Long-distance swimming techniques for elephants.'"
Emboldened, by alcohol if by nothing else, an economist from the UK tax haven of Isle of Man tries: "The Isle of Man submits: 'Tax planning for the expatriate elephant." The room rocks with laughter.
A professor from rabidly free market Estonia booms out: "How to sell an elephant on the New York Stock market."
A journalist from the Aland Islands, a group of Swedish-speaking, semiautonomous islands which grudgingly belong to Finland, makes reference to the country's main industry, shipping with: "How to arrange the transportation of elephants in open seas."
But he's not finished, now it is not enough to create your own national myth, there is a growing desire to take shots at the colonial powers. So, a reference to the insecurity of the Finns is included: "And the Finns, they send in: 'An interesting conference on elephants to be held in the lovely town of Helsinki.'"
About this time, a taciturn economist from the UK decides the atmosphere of self-determination is making us a bit too giddy. He cold showers us with: "The UK's submission is: 'Granting sovereignty to the legs of the elephant so they can each go their own way.'" We laugh him off goodnaturedly. Our microstates are gleaming so brightly tonight, they can eclipse a grumbling, number-cruncher with ease.
Author: Cleo Paskal
Too bad not more countries were involved in the game. I wonder what Spain, Italy, Greece, China, Australia and the others would say regarding ze elephant~
I recommend the book as well. I love travel stories, especially of the humorous or bizarre variety :D