Been there, done that
So I did this a little while ago when I should have been doing constructive work. You know when you have to study and staring at a blank wall is an accepted form of procrastination? That time of day.
Sleeping Beauty Parody
Disclaimer: It will surprise no one that I don't own the rights to "Sleeping Beauty"
She had realised at an early age that as a Princess she would have to make sacrifices. As a servant of the people it was important that every decision, every action and indeed every outfit was for the good of the people.
This was ridiculous.
So she was twenty-five, ask anyone and they’d reply that it was the prime of her life. Go out and enjoy it. You’re only young once.
Ha.
Ever since her father’s decent into insanity at the hands of reality television things had changed dramatically around the kingdom. The fairies were forced to form a union to protest the outrageous demands from the old coot.
The evil witch now took extra shifts at the local mini-mall to subsidise her pay. The population of elves almost wiped out due to the popularity of public jousting for the million-dollar prize.
And now this.
It really was ridiculous.
She didn’t remember signing any contract but they had one. In all fairness it was her signature, her signature after being chewed up and spat out by a dragon with colic, but it was her signature.
Now how did they get that?
It all started when her father’s marketing team approached him with the idea of the century. While it’s the marketing team’s job to be young and hip they often fail to come up with anything remotely possible within the realms of reality. That’s generally the stage when the event team steps in and tells them to go back to their newly painted office and continue to inhale the fumes.
Unfortunately for all those involved the event team was made up mostly of elves that were wiped out in the jousting competitions held previously in a vain attempt to win one million dollars.
So the marketing team got their way.
The idea of the century had actually been attempted last century and the century before that. It had a pretty long history of being an ideal way of both shutting up and marrying off princesses.
However there was one flaw in the plan, it almost always resulted in death.
The original and highly argued the best, went off perfectly. Everything went to plan, most likely because there was no plan. There was no marketing ploy; it wasn’t for fun or the amusement of people. It was revenge, pure and simple and revenge worked.
It didn’t matter how many time kingdoms tried and failed, it was near impossible to come out the other side of a Sleeping Beauty attempt with the beauty intact.
Sometimes they bled to death after spinning wheel injuries were left unattended for long periods of time, and even if the poor princesses made it to the end physically unscathed, the drug-induced haze often consumed them for eternity.
It was also becoming increasingly hard to find any volunteers for Prince Charming because to be frank, the job sucked. While the dental plan was above that of any other occupation out there, it didn’t help when the risk of losing an arm was way above ninety percent.
It was also one thing to have teeth so white you rendered people blind, but it was little use without a head to put them in.
This however, failed to have an impact on the King when his legal team informed him of the consequences of staging such an event. And so he sacrificed his only daughter in the name of ratings, he was not to be outdone by the kingdom next door currently having great success with the latest version of Survivor.
This left the poor Princess, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched sitting in the board room suspecting that her signature had little to do with the desire to help her father and more to do with drink spiking. This thought unfortunately came after she had consumed half a cup of coffee. As her eyes closed sho had one last thought,
“bastard”.
Sleeping Beauty Parody
Disclaimer: It will surprise no one that I don't own the rights to "Sleeping Beauty"
She had realised at an early age that as a Princess she would have to make sacrifices. As a servant of the people it was important that every decision, every action and indeed every outfit was for the good of the people.
This was ridiculous.
So she was twenty-five, ask anyone and they’d reply that it was the prime of her life. Go out and enjoy it. You’re only young once.
Ha.
Ever since her father’s decent into insanity at the hands of reality television things had changed dramatically around the kingdom. The fairies were forced to form a union to protest the outrageous demands from the old coot.
The evil witch now took extra shifts at the local mini-mall to subsidise her pay. The population of elves almost wiped out due to the popularity of public jousting for the million-dollar prize.
And now this.
It really was ridiculous.
She didn’t remember signing any contract but they had one. In all fairness it was her signature, her signature after being chewed up and spat out by a dragon with colic, but it was her signature.
Now how did they get that?
It all started when her father’s marketing team approached him with the idea of the century. While it’s the marketing team’s job to be young and hip they often fail to come up with anything remotely possible within the realms of reality. That’s generally the stage when the event team steps in and tells them to go back to their newly painted office and continue to inhale the fumes.
Unfortunately for all those involved the event team was made up mostly of elves that were wiped out in the jousting competitions held previously in a vain attempt to win one million dollars.
So the marketing team got their way.
The idea of the century had actually been attempted last century and the century before that. It had a pretty long history of being an ideal way of both shutting up and marrying off princesses.
However there was one flaw in the plan, it almost always resulted in death.
The original and highly argued the best, went off perfectly. Everything went to plan, most likely because there was no plan. There was no marketing ploy; it wasn’t for fun or the amusement of people. It was revenge, pure and simple and revenge worked.
It didn’t matter how many time kingdoms tried and failed, it was near impossible to come out the other side of a Sleeping Beauty attempt with the beauty intact.
Sometimes they bled to death after spinning wheel injuries were left unattended for long periods of time, and even if the poor princesses made it to the end physically unscathed, the drug-induced haze often consumed them for eternity.
It was also becoming increasingly hard to find any volunteers for Prince Charming because to be frank, the job sucked. While the dental plan was above that of any other occupation out there, it didn’t help when the risk of losing an arm was way above ninety percent.
It was also one thing to have teeth so white you rendered people blind, but it was little use without a head to put them in.
This however, failed to have an impact on the King when his legal team informed him of the consequences of staging such an event. And so he sacrificed his only daughter in the name of ratings, he was not to be outdone by the kingdom next door currently having great success with the latest version of Survivor.
This left the poor Princess, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched sitting in the board room suspecting that her signature had little to do with the desire to help her father and more to do with drink spiking. This thought unfortunately came after she had consumed half a cup of coffee. As her eyes closed sho had one last thought,
“bastard”.