(Untitled)

[talesofcynthia]

Title:: Generation S :: Saving the world

Rating:: (R) as bad as it will get right now (PG-13)

summary:: Tell you what its about? I don't think so, read and let me know what you think, OK I'll give your something, A girl walks alone at night and meets a stranger, they talk and learn more about each other. (  :-) yep that's all.)

Comments

[meatwhichdreams]

Well, I hate to criticize work without offering a clear way to improve...but you did say you wanted 'brutally honest' so here I go.

Your use of grammar is terrible. Random capitilization, random paragraphs, random commas, random change of tense. It's extremely hard to read. Your sentences are all roughly the same length, which lends your story a dreary, childish, monotonous feel. Your dialogue tends to run-on, clause after clause, and the words themselves don't really mean much of anything...it's all cliches. The flow is gulping and disorienting, never slowing down, never developing the 'moment' itself, always hurrying on to the next line of dialogue.

My advice (if you could really call it such): Read more. Knowing the way good grammar sounds is something you can only learn by reading, and reading a lot. Try reading outside of the genres you usually try - sample several different periods and styles as well.

And good writing can only really come from practice. Don't give up - keep trying. Good luck.

[talesofcynthia]

*blink blink* Thanks for that i needed that. i kinda rushed this one, but thats no excuse. :-)

Alisha "The Butch"

[meatwhichdreams]

Sorry again for being so blunt, but I'm glad I could help.

[talesofcynthia]

i did say brutaly honest and that u were

Alisha "The Butch"