Is this the start of the return to who I used to be or just more depression.?
I made the mistake of watching a recent GACKT TV appearance and I'm experiencing emotions I'd tucked away for so long.
I still understand so much spoken Japanese, and feels. They played older G music, and feels. Watching the mannerisms of the audience, and feels. Even seeing the stupid words splashed across the screen for emphasis gives me feels cause no where else do you see any of this. (And wow, I can still read so much of it, even the kanji)
I'd been subconsciously hiding away from all exposure of things that used to make my heart ache for Japan. I had been avoiding new jmusic, any jdramas, any and all anime...practically everything pop culture. I refused to watch any tv or variety shows like I used to, hell I even avoid jcommercials because it reminds me of everything I was surrounded by while over there.
Is it good or bad that I'm paying attention again? Cause I feel like it might motivate me more but I'm also sitting here emotional and crying.
I swear, I feel like my best years are behind me.
I still understand so much spoken Japanese, and feels. They played older G music, and feels. Watching the mannerisms of the audience, and feels. Even seeing the stupid words splashed across the screen for emphasis gives me feels cause no where else do you see any of this. (And wow, I can still read so much of it, even the kanji)
I'd been subconsciously hiding away from all exposure of things that used to make my heart ache for Japan. I had been avoiding new jmusic, any jdramas, any and all anime...practically everything pop culture. I refused to watch any tv or variety shows like I used to, hell I even avoid jcommercials because it reminds me of everything I was surrounded by while over there.
Is it good or bad that I'm paying attention again? Cause I feel like it might motivate me more but I'm also sitting here emotional and crying.
I swear, I feel like my best years are behind me.