Fic: Budge Over
Title: Budge Over
Author: Talayse
Rating: PG
Genre: Fill-in, Fix-it, Missing Scenes
Pairings: Gen
Summary: This is a fic that answers a few questions: Where did Natasha go after CA:TWS?
Where was Clint?
How does one find a brainwashed assassin?
How do the Avengers learn of Coulson's not being dead?
A snippet stye story in which Clint does not like sharing, Jarvis is the baddest bad-ass, and Coulson wants to pretend he doesn't know any of them.
Spoilers (just in case) for Captain America:The Winter Soldier and the first season of Agents of SHIELD.
"Budge over."
"Gerroff. My bed, go find your own."
"Barton, budge over."
"What? Nat? No, my bed, my op. Stop trying to hog all the cool ops." Clint laid as still and heavy and immovable as he could against Natasha's continued efforts to move him. "You're not here, you're in D.C. With your very own action figure. Life-size even."
"Not anymore," Natasha said, giving up and sprawling over him instead. Clint grunted.
"Why not?"
"Cap broke SHIELD. You don't have an op anymore, and I can't believe you have lived this long without me, sleeping so deep."
"Pfft," Clint said, blowing some of her hair off of his face. "I'm trained to know the difference between Nat-sneakiness and anyone else-sneakiness. Wait, how did Captain America break his shield? I thought that sucker was like, unbreakable."
Natasha chuckled, "He broke the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. If he broke his actual shield I think I'd still be feeding him ice cream and wiping away tears."
"Okay, I'll bite: How did he break SHIELD?"
"It was being controlled by HYDRA, and Steve didn't like that idea," Natasha answered sleepily, wiggling until she was more comfortable. "Truthfully, I didn't either."
"The who the what now?" Clint was now wide awake.
"HYDRA."
"Like, World War Two HYDRA? Captain America's mortal enemies, HYDRA?"
Natasha reached out and, in the dark, tapped him on the nose, "Yep. They fight dirty."
"I am so confused."
Natasha patted his thigh, "I'll explain tomorrow when we get Stark's."
"Stark's? Why are we going to Stark's?" Clint said, trying to sit up. Unfortunately for him, Natasha was like a cat in more ways than one. Everyone saw the daily feline grace and ability to land on her feet, few knew that she had the secret cat superpower of being super heavy as every cat asleep who was unwilling to be moved. "You hate Stark."
"No I don't, I like Stark."
"Who are you and what have you done with Natasha? Are you a pod person? A robot that Stark built to come and kill me?"
Natasha sank her nails into his thigh muscle, "Stop moving. Stark is useful, his security is excellent. With SHIELD gone, everything's gone, Clint. Our covers are blown, safe houses that are not, all of SHIELD's secrets are laid bare, this op is blown, we may have to fight our way out. And without SHIELD around, the baddies will come out and play. Steve, Stark and Banner are already in New York. We've yet to figure out how to get Thor on the phone, but five out of six Avengers will just have to do for now."
Clint groaned, "Oh man. I was looking forward to some downtime after this op. But I think I can help in the Thor arena."
"Can I be there when you tell Stark? He's still figuring out how to call Asgard."
"I'm just gonna call Darcy and have her call Jane and then leave it to Jane." A thought occurred to Clint, "Hey, how do you know I'm not HYDRA?"
Natasha snorted.
~*~
Skye stared at the computer screen for a moment, then called out, "Coulson? Have you heard of something called JARVIS? Is it a SHIELD program?"
Coulson turned to face Skye, but before he could speak, another voice rang out through every speaker in the room. "I would be insulted, Miss Skye, if I did not know that you were unaware of the simplicity of most of SHIELD's programming. Agent Coulson, I have a message for you: You are expected at Stark Tower within the hour. Transportation has been arranged for you. In expectation of your inevitable protest, Agent Romanova would like me to remember Glasgow to you. Agent Barton had little to say and is currently attempting to throw Captain Rogers around the gym, if that gives you any indication of his mind set. Sir would like you to know that he blames you, he did not elucidate as to the 'why'. Everyone else, including myself are glad to hear that you are alive Agent. Your transport is expected to arrive in five minutes."
"What was that?" Skye asked once the cultured British voice faded away.
"I," said the voice, "am Jarvis."
"Why are you kidnapping Coulson?" Skye asked, looking to the ceiling for no particular reason. Everyone did that when they first met Jarvis. Coulson sighed.
"I am not," Jarvis replied.
"He's not," Coulson said.
"Its sounds like he is, politely," Skye pointed out. "Should I get May, this situation seems like it needs more May in it."
"While normally I'd agree that more May is good, the last thing I need right now is for May to be involved," Coulson said. "Jarvis, how many knives is Agent Romanoff currently carrying?"
"I'm told you'll find out when you see her," Jarvis answered, sounding amused.
"I am in so much trouble," Coulson said, turning to go. "Could you please make sure that Captain Rogers knows that Barton should be careful not to break any fingers?"
"They are wearing boxing gloves, the Captain realized such a safeguard might be needed," Jarvis answered.
"Wait, where are you going?" Skye asked, jumping up to follow Coulson.
"You heard the nice British man, Stark Tower," Coulson replied in that mild, quiet way he had.
"Should I come?" Skye asked.
Coulson considered for a moment, "Have you ever seen one of those movies about the family outcast returning for a family reunion or a wedding or something, and it's all about how awful the various members of the family are, how embarrassing and awkward and obnoxious they all are and then they find out the outcast has been keeping a secret?"
"Yeah," Skye said, raising her eyebrows.
"It's going to be like that, only with knives and explosions."
"Maybe you should take May then, it sounds like you need a bodyguard," Skye said, doubt showing on her face.
Coulson smiled, "These are friendly knives and explosions."
~*~
"All right, we have the KGB files provided by the lovely former Agent Romanoff, but they only take us to the early-mid nineties," Tony said, holographic documents displayed around him. Once the file had been scanned into his servers, Jarvis had begun sorting out the most relevant documents from the mass of information. Every once in awhile a new holographic document came up with a section highlighted, often a section of text that clarified something on another document or linked two previously unrelated documents together into an epiphany of facts.
"So we need intel on the last two decades, other than the fact that he shot Natasha," Steve mused, looking over the files.
"Maybe not," Natasha said, cringing as a loud clatter came from the direction of the kitchen. Sam and Clint were in there, allegedly cooking, but it sounded more like full contact sparring. "He may have been frozen most of the time," she said, pointing to what was basically a log of cryo-freeze dates.
"He usually is," Bruce said. "But he was really active despite the freezing."
"Ah!" said Tony as Jarvis pulled up another file, "That's the missing piece; he's been on loan to HYDRA since then, so that's why the KGB paper trail ends."
"That makes sense. What do we have from the HYDRA files in the SHIELD database?" Natasha asked.
"Not much on the Winter Soldier, but they may have used a different code name," Tony said, in that distracted tone that often meant he was thinking on a completely different level than the rest of them.
"It doesn't really matter anyway, the chatter from the remnants of HYDRA indicates that they don't know where he is, they know he's alive, but they can't locate him. Apparently, they should be able to, but the sub-dermal GPS chip is not functioning," Bruce said.
In the kitchen, Clint swore inventively, then Sam said, "Damn, I thought I knew all the good curse words."
"So he dug the chip out, destroyed it," Steve said. "Isn't that what you would have done?" he asked Natasha. She nodded.
"So, let's assume he's gone rogue, and/or the frankly alarming mental conditioning has gone haywire, he's probably confused at best, homicidal at worst," Bruce said. Behind them, someone cleared their throat. "The difference between me and the Other Guy," Bruce added, self-deprecatingly.
"I didn't think you were often confused, Doctor," Natasha said.
"I am confused everyday I wake up in this place," Bruce said.
"Perhaps we could extrapolate from past experience," Tony said. "When Steve woke up, he broke down walls and went running barefoot though Manhattan. But then, Steve likes running barefoot through city streets."
"I don't think Bucky would do that," Steve said. "I woke up in a very suspicious setting, Buck's waking up from a long, slow nightmare, but he knows current events, technology."
The throat clearing happened again.
"Do you have something to add, Agent?" Tony asked, turning to face the wall with the elevator in it. Coulson was standing there, almost like he never left. The rest of the group turned from the projections to face him as well.
"You demanded I be brought here, remember?" Coulson said.
"Yeah, we're trying to track down a notorious Russian assassin code named the Winter Soldier, we understand you have some expertise with notorious assassins?" Tony said.
"Finding, not taming," Coulson said. "You need Barton for that." Clint chose that moment to start up a swearing streak in the kitchen again. A faint smiled flickered across Coulson's face. "Ah, he's in residence. Shouldn't you be out chasing HYDRA down?"
"That's what SHIELD agents are for, we only do the big stuff," Tony answered.
"We want to make sure that HYDRA no longer has the Winter Soldier as an asset," Steve said, giving Tony a sideways glare, "And, possibly, fold him into the Avengers."
"Why?" Coulson asked.
"He's got a robotic arm," Tony said.
"He knows a lot about the inner workings of HYDRA," Bruce said.
"He's a really good shot," Natasha said. From the kitchen Clint yelled, "But not better than me!"
"He's Bucky Barnes," Steve said, "One of my oldest friends."
Coulson digested these facts for a moment. "So basically, you want him to join your superhero club?" Coulson asked.
Tony grinned, "You have to admit, it's the best superhero club."
"It was my idea," Coulson said blandly. "But I'm not sure about having an infamous Russian assassin--another infamous Russian assassin--- is really the best idea."
Tony shrugged, "I gotta have the complete set."
"I'd like a chance to go one on one with him," Natasha said. "In the gym. See how good he really is."
"He's not actually Russian," Steve said.
Coulson frowned slightly at them all, "When did you all become such a team?"
"Well, there was Loki to vanquish," Tony said. "And Fury said you'd died. And well, there were reactions to that."
"I did die, for a little while," Coulson objected.
"But you got better," Natasha said.
"Is that a reference to something?" Steve asked.
"Shit, it's Coulson," said Clint suddenly, having emerged from the kitchen to see who they were talking to.
Coulson pointed at Clint, "See, I expected more of that when I arrived."
Sam followed behind Clint and nearly bumped into the other man where he had stopped short in the doorway. Catching sight of Coulson, Sam said, "Are you Coulson? Man, I don't even know you and I'm mad at you."
"Who are you?" Coulson asked, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at Sam.
"I'm the Falcon, I can fly," Sam said, proudly.
"You cannot," Clint said, turning to face him and clearly picking up some old, tired argument. "You've got mechanical wings that are currently broken until Stark gets off his ass and fixes them. Anybody could fly with them." Clint spun on his heel and marched up to Coulson, giving him a look-over that gave credence to his nickname. "Are we sure he's real?"
"Jarvis checked," Tony said.
"Fury confirmed," Natasha said. "After much persuasion."
"I'd like to file my mission report," Clint said, in possibly the most aggressive manner those words had ever been spoken by anyone.
Coulson was noticeably taken off guard, "What?"
"And I quote: 'You cannot escape Mission Reports, Agent Barton, not even by dying'," Clint said, crossing his arms over his chest and attempting to loom over Coulson. "Sir, I'd like to report being turned into a zombie minion with crazy, glowy blue eyes. I have recovered from being a zombie minion because Agent Romanoff hit me repeatedly in the head. Sir, I'd like to report that Agent Romanoff is far too fond of hitting me in the head, though I probably deserve it. End of mission report."
"Thank you, Agent Barton, that wasn't really necessary," Coulson said.
"Neither was you pretending to still be dead," Clint said, in a tone that almost growled. Natasha came to stand next to Clint, her expression matched his tone.
"I had orders," Coulson said.
"That's not the reason," Natasha said, her voice taking on a tone that promised violence soon.
"Are you going to interrogate me, Agent Romanoff?" Coulson asked.
"While I intimidate," Clint said.
Coulson chuckled.
Clint pouted, "That's not funny. Sir."
"As touching as all this is, and it is touching, we've got more important things to be focussing on," Tony said.
"Yeah, dinner's ready," Sam added.
The Avengers headed into the kitchen en masse, leaving Coulson still staring down Natasha and Clint. Suddenly, Natasha threw her arms around Coulson's neck, he flinched for a moment before it became clear this was a hug and not a strangle type situation. "You bastard," she said. "Next time, if you're not sure if the miraculous recovery isn't going to sick, you call us and we will figure it out."
"Yeah," said Clint, taking his turn to hug Coulson. "We acquired an entire team of overachievers just for that purpose."
"Barton! I am eating all the macaroni and cheese!" Sam called from the kitchen.
"That evil flying thief!" Clint yelled, letting go of Coulson and running into the kitchen. Something crashed.
"So," Natasha said to Coulson as she raised an eyebrow, "will you take the job?"
"Hunt down an infamous Russian assassin and ride herd on a group of childish superheros?" Coulson clarified.
"It's not worse than what you have been doing," Natasha said.
"Just so long as Stark never sends that contraption after me again," Coulson said.
"It was a modified Iron Man suit," Natasha said.
"It was like flying in a coffin, with movies."
Notes: This story assumes, but doesn't say, that once Coulson rebuilds SHIELD Fury swoops back in and says, 'Thanks, I got this, go back to playing with your plane.'
Author: Talayse
Rating: PG
Genre: Fill-in, Fix-it, Missing Scenes
Pairings: Gen
Summary: This is a fic that answers a few questions: Where did Natasha go after CA:TWS?
Where was Clint?
How does one find a brainwashed assassin?
How do the Avengers learn of Coulson's not being dead?
A snippet stye story in which Clint does not like sharing, Jarvis is the baddest bad-ass, and Coulson wants to pretend he doesn't know any of them.
Spoilers (just in case) for Captain America:The Winter Soldier and the first season of Agents of SHIELD.
"Budge over."
"Gerroff. My bed, go find your own."
"Barton, budge over."
"What? Nat? No, my bed, my op. Stop trying to hog all the cool ops." Clint laid as still and heavy and immovable as he could against Natasha's continued efforts to move him. "You're not here, you're in D.C. With your very own action figure. Life-size even."
"Not anymore," Natasha said, giving up and sprawling over him instead. Clint grunted.
"Why not?"
"Cap broke SHIELD. You don't have an op anymore, and I can't believe you have lived this long without me, sleeping so deep."
"Pfft," Clint said, blowing some of her hair off of his face. "I'm trained to know the difference between Nat-sneakiness and anyone else-sneakiness. Wait, how did Captain America break his shield? I thought that sucker was like, unbreakable."
Natasha chuckled, "He broke the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. If he broke his actual shield I think I'd still be feeding him ice cream and wiping away tears."
"Okay, I'll bite: How did he break SHIELD?"
"It was being controlled by HYDRA, and Steve didn't like that idea," Natasha answered sleepily, wiggling until she was more comfortable. "Truthfully, I didn't either."
"The who the what now?" Clint was now wide awake.
"HYDRA."
"Like, World War Two HYDRA? Captain America's mortal enemies, HYDRA?"
Natasha reached out and, in the dark, tapped him on the nose, "Yep. They fight dirty."
"I am so confused."
Natasha patted his thigh, "I'll explain tomorrow when we get Stark's."
"Stark's? Why are we going to Stark's?" Clint said, trying to sit up. Unfortunately for him, Natasha was like a cat in more ways than one. Everyone saw the daily feline grace and ability to land on her feet, few knew that she had the secret cat superpower of being super heavy as every cat asleep who was unwilling to be moved. "You hate Stark."
"No I don't, I like Stark."
"Who are you and what have you done with Natasha? Are you a pod person? A robot that Stark built to come and kill me?"
Natasha sank her nails into his thigh muscle, "Stop moving. Stark is useful, his security is excellent. With SHIELD gone, everything's gone, Clint. Our covers are blown, safe houses that are not, all of SHIELD's secrets are laid bare, this op is blown, we may have to fight our way out. And without SHIELD around, the baddies will come out and play. Steve, Stark and Banner are already in New York. We've yet to figure out how to get Thor on the phone, but five out of six Avengers will just have to do for now."
Clint groaned, "Oh man. I was looking forward to some downtime after this op. But I think I can help in the Thor arena."
"Can I be there when you tell Stark? He's still figuring out how to call Asgard."
"I'm just gonna call Darcy and have her call Jane and then leave it to Jane." A thought occurred to Clint, "Hey, how do you know I'm not HYDRA?"
Natasha snorted.
~*~
Skye stared at the computer screen for a moment, then called out, "Coulson? Have you heard of something called JARVIS? Is it a SHIELD program?"
Coulson turned to face Skye, but before he could speak, another voice rang out through every speaker in the room. "I would be insulted, Miss Skye, if I did not know that you were unaware of the simplicity of most of SHIELD's programming. Agent Coulson, I have a message for you: You are expected at Stark Tower within the hour. Transportation has been arranged for you. In expectation of your inevitable protest, Agent Romanova would like me to remember Glasgow to you. Agent Barton had little to say and is currently attempting to throw Captain Rogers around the gym, if that gives you any indication of his mind set. Sir would like you to know that he blames you, he did not elucidate as to the 'why'. Everyone else, including myself are glad to hear that you are alive Agent. Your transport is expected to arrive in five minutes."
"What was that?" Skye asked once the cultured British voice faded away.
"I," said the voice, "am Jarvis."
"Why are you kidnapping Coulson?" Skye asked, looking to the ceiling for no particular reason. Everyone did that when they first met Jarvis. Coulson sighed.
"I am not," Jarvis replied.
"He's not," Coulson said.
"Its sounds like he is, politely," Skye pointed out. "Should I get May, this situation seems like it needs more May in it."
"While normally I'd agree that more May is good, the last thing I need right now is for May to be involved," Coulson said. "Jarvis, how many knives is Agent Romanoff currently carrying?"
"I'm told you'll find out when you see her," Jarvis answered, sounding amused.
"I am in so much trouble," Coulson said, turning to go. "Could you please make sure that Captain Rogers knows that Barton should be careful not to break any fingers?"
"They are wearing boxing gloves, the Captain realized such a safeguard might be needed," Jarvis answered.
"Wait, where are you going?" Skye asked, jumping up to follow Coulson.
"You heard the nice British man, Stark Tower," Coulson replied in that mild, quiet way he had.
"Should I come?" Skye asked.
Coulson considered for a moment, "Have you ever seen one of those movies about the family outcast returning for a family reunion or a wedding or something, and it's all about how awful the various members of the family are, how embarrassing and awkward and obnoxious they all are and then they find out the outcast has been keeping a secret?"
"Yeah," Skye said, raising her eyebrows.
"It's going to be like that, only with knives and explosions."
"Maybe you should take May then, it sounds like you need a bodyguard," Skye said, doubt showing on her face.
Coulson smiled, "These are friendly knives and explosions."
~*~
"All right, we have the KGB files provided by the lovely former Agent Romanoff, but they only take us to the early-mid nineties," Tony said, holographic documents displayed around him. Once the file had been scanned into his servers, Jarvis had begun sorting out the most relevant documents from the mass of information. Every once in awhile a new holographic document came up with a section highlighted, often a section of text that clarified something on another document or linked two previously unrelated documents together into an epiphany of facts.
"So we need intel on the last two decades, other than the fact that he shot Natasha," Steve mused, looking over the files.
"Maybe not," Natasha said, cringing as a loud clatter came from the direction of the kitchen. Sam and Clint were in there, allegedly cooking, but it sounded more like full contact sparring. "He may have been frozen most of the time," she said, pointing to what was basically a log of cryo-freeze dates.
"He usually is," Bruce said. "But he was really active despite the freezing."
"Ah!" said Tony as Jarvis pulled up another file, "That's the missing piece; he's been on loan to HYDRA since then, so that's why the KGB paper trail ends."
"That makes sense. What do we have from the HYDRA files in the SHIELD database?" Natasha asked.
"Not much on the Winter Soldier, but they may have used a different code name," Tony said, in that distracted tone that often meant he was thinking on a completely different level than the rest of them.
"It doesn't really matter anyway, the chatter from the remnants of HYDRA indicates that they don't know where he is, they know he's alive, but they can't locate him. Apparently, they should be able to, but the sub-dermal GPS chip is not functioning," Bruce said.
In the kitchen, Clint swore inventively, then Sam said, "Damn, I thought I knew all the good curse words."
"So he dug the chip out, destroyed it," Steve said. "Isn't that what you would have done?" he asked Natasha. She nodded.
"So, let's assume he's gone rogue, and/or the frankly alarming mental conditioning has gone haywire, he's probably confused at best, homicidal at worst," Bruce said. Behind them, someone cleared their throat. "The difference between me and the Other Guy," Bruce added, self-deprecatingly.
"I didn't think you were often confused, Doctor," Natasha said.
"I am confused everyday I wake up in this place," Bruce said.
"Perhaps we could extrapolate from past experience," Tony said. "When Steve woke up, he broke down walls and went running barefoot though Manhattan. But then, Steve likes running barefoot through city streets."
"I don't think Bucky would do that," Steve said. "I woke up in a very suspicious setting, Buck's waking up from a long, slow nightmare, but he knows current events, technology."
The throat clearing happened again.
"Do you have something to add, Agent?" Tony asked, turning to face the wall with the elevator in it. Coulson was standing there, almost like he never left. The rest of the group turned from the projections to face him as well.
"You demanded I be brought here, remember?" Coulson said.
"Yeah, we're trying to track down a notorious Russian assassin code named the Winter Soldier, we understand you have some expertise with notorious assassins?" Tony said.
"Finding, not taming," Coulson said. "You need Barton for that." Clint chose that moment to start up a swearing streak in the kitchen again. A faint smiled flickered across Coulson's face. "Ah, he's in residence. Shouldn't you be out chasing HYDRA down?"
"That's what SHIELD agents are for, we only do the big stuff," Tony answered.
"We want to make sure that HYDRA no longer has the Winter Soldier as an asset," Steve said, giving Tony a sideways glare, "And, possibly, fold him into the Avengers."
"Why?" Coulson asked.
"He's got a robotic arm," Tony said.
"He knows a lot about the inner workings of HYDRA," Bruce said.
"He's a really good shot," Natasha said. From the kitchen Clint yelled, "But not better than me!"
"He's Bucky Barnes," Steve said, "One of my oldest friends."
Coulson digested these facts for a moment. "So basically, you want him to join your superhero club?" Coulson asked.
Tony grinned, "You have to admit, it's the best superhero club."
"It was my idea," Coulson said blandly. "But I'm not sure about having an infamous Russian assassin--another infamous Russian assassin--- is really the best idea."
Tony shrugged, "I gotta have the complete set."
"I'd like a chance to go one on one with him," Natasha said. "In the gym. See how good he really is."
"He's not actually Russian," Steve said.
Coulson frowned slightly at them all, "When did you all become such a team?"
"Well, there was Loki to vanquish," Tony said. "And Fury said you'd died. And well, there were reactions to that."
"I did die, for a little while," Coulson objected.
"But you got better," Natasha said.
"Is that a reference to something?" Steve asked.
"Shit, it's Coulson," said Clint suddenly, having emerged from the kitchen to see who they were talking to.
Coulson pointed at Clint, "See, I expected more of that when I arrived."
Sam followed behind Clint and nearly bumped into the other man where he had stopped short in the doorway. Catching sight of Coulson, Sam said, "Are you Coulson? Man, I don't even know you and I'm mad at you."
"Who are you?" Coulson asked, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at Sam.
"I'm the Falcon, I can fly," Sam said, proudly.
"You cannot," Clint said, turning to face him and clearly picking up some old, tired argument. "You've got mechanical wings that are currently broken until Stark gets off his ass and fixes them. Anybody could fly with them." Clint spun on his heel and marched up to Coulson, giving him a look-over that gave credence to his nickname. "Are we sure he's real?"
"Jarvis checked," Tony said.
"Fury confirmed," Natasha said. "After much persuasion."
"I'd like to file my mission report," Clint said, in possibly the most aggressive manner those words had ever been spoken by anyone.
Coulson was noticeably taken off guard, "What?"
"And I quote: 'You cannot escape Mission Reports, Agent Barton, not even by dying'," Clint said, crossing his arms over his chest and attempting to loom over Coulson. "Sir, I'd like to report being turned into a zombie minion with crazy, glowy blue eyes. I have recovered from being a zombie minion because Agent Romanoff hit me repeatedly in the head. Sir, I'd like to report that Agent Romanoff is far too fond of hitting me in the head, though I probably deserve it. End of mission report."
"Thank you, Agent Barton, that wasn't really necessary," Coulson said.
"Neither was you pretending to still be dead," Clint said, in a tone that almost growled. Natasha came to stand next to Clint, her expression matched his tone.
"I had orders," Coulson said.
"That's not the reason," Natasha said, her voice taking on a tone that promised violence soon.
"Are you going to interrogate me, Agent Romanoff?" Coulson asked.
"While I intimidate," Clint said.
Coulson chuckled.
Clint pouted, "That's not funny. Sir."
"As touching as all this is, and it is touching, we've got more important things to be focussing on," Tony said.
"Yeah, dinner's ready," Sam added.
The Avengers headed into the kitchen en masse, leaving Coulson still staring down Natasha and Clint. Suddenly, Natasha threw her arms around Coulson's neck, he flinched for a moment before it became clear this was a hug and not a strangle type situation. "You bastard," she said. "Next time, if you're not sure if the miraculous recovery isn't going to sick, you call us and we will figure it out."
"Yeah," said Clint, taking his turn to hug Coulson. "We acquired an entire team of overachievers just for that purpose."
"Barton! I am eating all the macaroni and cheese!" Sam called from the kitchen.
"That evil flying thief!" Clint yelled, letting go of Coulson and running into the kitchen. Something crashed.
"So," Natasha said to Coulson as she raised an eyebrow, "will you take the job?"
"Hunt down an infamous Russian assassin and ride herd on a group of childish superheros?" Coulson clarified.
"It's not worse than what you have been doing," Natasha said.
"Just so long as Stark never sends that contraption after me again," Coulson said.
"It was a modified Iron Man suit," Natasha said.
"It was like flying in a coffin, with movies."
Notes: This story assumes, but doesn't say, that once Coulson rebuilds SHIELD Fury swoops back in and says, 'Thanks, I got this, go back to playing with your plane.'