(no subject)
most my friends are worse off than I am, emotionally (which is disturbing). Most of them are convinced they have to "play the game", "be what s/he wants me to be"... They care more about what others think about them, what others "need" from them, than what they themselves need. Selfish is a bad word to them... Or, they are cynical assholes. Or both.
I think I am going to end up a cynic if I keep hanging out with them. There really isn't any evidence to support my belief in a good and just universe. "The universe isn't unfair... It just doesn't give a shit one way or the other."... I don't want to believe that statement, but it's getting hard to deny.
So screw it. I am done being an enabler. I am fucking TIRED of trying to offer support to those I care about, of trying to see the best in everyone. To each and every one of you... I am done. Especially you. I am so DONE trying to help you. Tonight, you proved to me that you will never grow beyond your current state of self-understanding and growth. None of my friends are even TRYING to do so. I just finished pushing away the one person that I truly believe is trying to figure themselves out, but I know that's for the best, currently. When I grok my Self...
Evolve.
I think I am going to end up a cynic if I keep hanging out with them. There really isn't any evidence to support my belief in a good and just universe. "The universe isn't unfair... It just doesn't give a shit one way or the other."... I don't want to believe that statement, but it's getting hard to deny.
So screw it. I am done being an enabler. I am fucking TIRED of trying to offer support to those I care about, of trying to see the best in everyone. To each and every one of you... I am done. Especially you. I am so DONE trying to help you. Tonight, you proved to me that you will never grow beyond your current state of self-understanding and growth. None of my friends are even TRYING to do so. I just finished pushing away the one person that I truly believe is trying to figure themselves out, but I know that's for the best, currently. When I grok my Self...
Evolve.