prehistoric fish are scary
i'm trying to stop writing entries that are linear anymore.
so i figured that you don't really belong anywhere, really. not in a *physical* place. you belong to people. not in a possessive way; more like you give pieces of yourself and take away pieces from them and you know that somewhere inside of them they have a place for you. in a good place, in a bad place. i think that's why i'm simultaneously afraid to lose people and... not afraid. i used to think i didn't need people. but i do, because without them i feel like i'm dying. hello high school, what a horrible time. what can i say? we all want to matter to someone. "what would I do without you?" "i need you." "don't die before me or i'll kill you." words like these warm my heart.
i've been busy with school, and yes, i've written that line many many many times. i hate it. i mean, i love school. i love the new friends i've made, being invited to dinner, laughing. lots of laughing this semester, the kind of laughter that forces you to keel over and try not to fart. but i miss doing everything else that doesn't involve art/work. plus, this hasn't been doing much for my body. my calves hurt because i sit down for so long that blood doesn't circulate well. my fingers on my right hand ache. but i have lost weight, which is odd. i want to dye my hair red and become waif skinny because i'd like, just for a short time, to be those fragile girls other girls sneer at. look at her knees, look at her elbows.
by the way, some of my fellow students in my classes: please learn how to look up images online for reference. it's not hard to find a high resolution image on whatever you need. go look in a book so that you draw jack kerouac's face like jack kerouac and not maya angelou. and please draw better. it'll help if you use tracing paper to redraw your sketch. just stop bringing in your first sketch because it's always shitty. please draw straight lines to border your sketch. you just use a ruler. stop making shitty excuses like "oh, i don't know what people listened to in the 1940's" or "i don't know what the cars looked liked back then". are you that lazy to look that up? and stop fucking up the sizes! it clearly said on the paper what size the sketches have to be. you embarrass me. your bullshit should have been pointed out earlier but now it might be too late to save all that time and money (your parents' money) that you wasted. i'm so happy you guys are the minority.
so i figured that you don't really belong anywhere, really. not in a *physical* place. you belong to people. not in a possessive way; more like you give pieces of yourself and take away pieces from them and you know that somewhere inside of them they have a place for you. in a good place, in a bad place. i think that's why i'm simultaneously afraid to lose people and... not afraid. i used to think i didn't need people. but i do, because without them i feel like i'm dying. hello high school, what a horrible time. what can i say? we all want to matter to someone. "what would I do without you?" "i need you." "don't die before me or i'll kill you." words like these warm my heart.
i've been busy with school, and yes, i've written that line many many many times. i hate it. i mean, i love school. i love the new friends i've made, being invited to dinner, laughing. lots of laughing this semester, the kind of laughter that forces you to keel over and try not to fart. but i miss doing everything else that doesn't involve art/work. plus, this hasn't been doing much for my body. my calves hurt because i sit down for so long that blood doesn't circulate well. my fingers on my right hand ache. but i have lost weight, which is odd. i want to dye my hair red and become waif skinny because i'd like, just for a short time, to be those fragile girls other girls sneer at. look at her knees, look at her elbows.
by the way, some of my fellow students in my classes: please learn how to look up images online for reference. it's not hard to find a high resolution image on whatever you need. go look in a book so that you draw jack kerouac's face like jack kerouac and not maya angelou. and please draw better. it'll help if you use tracing paper to redraw your sketch. just stop bringing in your first sketch because it's always shitty. please draw straight lines to border your sketch. you just use a ruler. stop making shitty excuses like "oh, i don't know what people listened to in the 1940's" or "i don't know what the cars looked liked back then". are you that lazy to look that up? and stop fucking up the sizes! it clearly said on the paper what size the sketches have to be. you embarrass me. your bullshit should have been pointed out earlier but now it might be too late to save all that time and money (your parents' money) that you wasted. i'm so happy you guys are the minority.