The Art of Apology
I read this article on Yahoo. I thought it was really interesting and obviously true. (Duh...) I've been finding some really cool articles lately.
The Art of the Apology
by Holly Weeks
Done right, an apology can enhance both reputations and relationships. Done wrong, an apology can compound the original mistake, sometimes to disastrous consequences.
Most of us were taught that offering an apology, any apology, when we make a mistake will take care of most offenses. But offering the right apology, particularly in the corporate world, is not as simple as saying, “I’m sorry.”
Done right, an apology can enhance both reputations and relationships. Done wrong, an apology can compound the original mistake, sometimes to disastrous consequences.
Consider, for instance, a senior member of an executive team who became angry when a junior vice president opposed him in a meeting and refused to change her position. He lashed out at her in front of the group, sarcastically questioning her intelligence and her commitment to the company in difficult times. When other members of the team told him he should apologize, he balked, thereby making matters worse. “I’m sorry she’s upset, but I didn’t do anything wrong-she’s got to learn to take the heat,” he declared.
When the offender is embarrassed and worried about losing face, this kind of sidestepping can take place. But, in fact, offering an apology is not a sign of weakness, nor does it amount to backing down. On the contrary, offering an apology can be a potent reputation enhancer.
Apologies matter for two reasons. First, they mend relationships. When an offense has torn the fabric of a relationship, an apology is a stage in its repair. Second, apologies mend the transgressor’s reputation. Following an offense, some people-not just the offended but all who know about the affront-may have concerns and doubts about the transgressor and even question his character. An effective apology can reassure people that the transgression is understood and not likely to be repeated.
What gets in the way
Too often companies, as well as individuals, miss the opportunity to reap the good that an apology can provide. In early 2002, NSTAR, a New England public utility, admitted it had improperly moved nearly 24,000 of its electric customers to the “default” service category-a much more expensive service option-without those customers’ knowledge. NSTAR apologized “for any inconvenience.”
But were NSTAR customers, and the public, really concerned about inconvenience? Of course they weren’t. When the story became news, customers and the public saw double-speak and deceit, and NSTAR’s credibility fell. The misdirected apology the company offered only sent the public’s opinion lower.
Mending fences is not only the right thing to do on a personal level, it also makes good business sense. So why do so many people and institutions fail at it?
To start with, most people find being in the wrong to be embarrassing. And when they are embarrassed, they may go into denial and try to minimize the offense, as NSTAR did. In other cases, the offender may try to blame the victim, as the senior executive did with the junior vice president.
Even if an apology is offered, it may be unrecognizable as such because the embarrassment or anger of the person giving the apology distorts it. This can be a disastrous mistake; credibility, once lost, is very hard to gain back.
The Art of the Apology
by Holly Weeks
Done right, an apology can enhance both reputations and relationships. Done wrong, an apology can compound the original mistake, sometimes to disastrous consequences.
Most of us were taught that offering an apology, any apology, when we make a mistake will take care of most offenses. But offering the right apology, particularly in the corporate world, is not as simple as saying, “I’m sorry.”
Done right, an apology can enhance both reputations and relationships. Done wrong, an apology can compound the original mistake, sometimes to disastrous consequences.
Consider, for instance, a senior member of an executive team who became angry when a junior vice president opposed him in a meeting and refused to change her position. He lashed out at her in front of the group, sarcastically questioning her intelligence and her commitment to the company in difficult times. When other members of the team told him he should apologize, he balked, thereby making matters worse. “I’m sorry she’s upset, but I didn’t do anything wrong-she’s got to learn to take the heat,” he declared.
When the offender is embarrassed and worried about losing face, this kind of sidestepping can take place. But, in fact, offering an apology is not a sign of weakness, nor does it amount to backing down. On the contrary, offering an apology can be a potent reputation enhancer.
Apologies matter for two reasons. First, they mend relationships. When an offense has torn the fabric of a relationship, an apology is a stage in its repair. Second, apologies mend the transgressor’s reputation. Following an offense, some people-not just the offended but all who know about the affront-may have concerns and doubts about the transgressor and even question his character. An effective apology can reassure people that the transgression is understood and not likely to be repeated.
What gets in the way
Too often companies, as well as individuals, miss the opportunity to reap the good that an apology can provide. In early 2002, NSTAR, a New England public utility, admitted it had improperly moved nearly 24,000 of its electric customers to the “default” service category-a much more expensive service option-without those customers’ knowledge. NSTAR apologized “for any inconvenience.”
But were NSTAR customers, and the public, really concerned about inconvenience? Of course they weren’t. When the story became news, customers and the public saw double-speak and deceit, and NSTAR’s credibility fell. The misdirected apology the company offered only sent the public’s opinion lower.
Mending fences is not only the right thing to do on a personal level, it also makes good business sense. So why do so many people and institutions fail at it?
To start with, most people find being in the wrong to be embarrassing. And when they are embarrassed, they may go into denial and try to minimize the offense, as NSTAR did. In other cases, the offender may try to blame the victim, as the senior executive did with the junior vice president.
Even if an apology is offered, it may be unrecognizable as such because the embarrassment or anger of the person giving the apology distorts it. This can be a disastrous mistake; credibility, once lost, is very hard to gain back.