Catch-22
Have you ever been in a situation where every way out is a way that you can't really take?
It seems like that right now for me. I can't stay where I am, I can't remain as I have because of what it does to me.
I can't talk to the person who I wish, so wish that I could, because I don't want to cause them pain.
I can't type it out here, because that does nothing for me.
I can't talk to someone else about it because I don't know what to say or how to explain it. I also know what the answer would be in a way...and there's no one that I want to talk to it about besides the one person that I can't.
But my own efforts at...changing this have failed. Utterly. I have no desire to stay awake for two hours repeating one thought over and over in my brain until I see the sun start to rise. Yet that is what I did, and is what I am liable to do again.
Even better? I can't get any relief from this because it's fucking impossible for me to do so.
Sorry. Needed to vent slightly. The joy? That didn't help.
It seems like that right now for me. I can't stay where I am, I can't remain as I have because of what it does to me.
I can't talk to the person who I wish, so wish that I could, because I don't want to cause them pain.
I can't type it out here, because that does nothing for me.
I can't talk to someone else about it because I don't know what to say or how to explain it. I also know what the answer would be in a way...and there's no one that I want to talk to it about besides the one person that I can't.
But my own efforts at...changing this have failed. Utterly. I have no desire to stay awake for two hours repeating one thought over and over in my brain until I see the sun start to rise. Yet that is what I did, and is what I am liable to do again.
Even better? I can't get any relief from this because it's fucking impossible for me to do so.
Sorry. Needed to vent slightly. The joy? That didn't help.