A new me?
Yeah yeah...two months too late for the new years resolution, shush.
Anyways, started at 24 hour fitness today. I'm, miraculously, not as badly out of shape as I thought I was. I don't want to be incredibly unrealistic about how quickly I can grow, but I do hope to get muscle and strength fairly quickly. And, by quickly, I mean that I got three months to get as strong as I want to be before I probably go off to Denver. Key word there is probably. Things could happen before then that would render me unable to go. Of course, I don't want those things to happen because I really want to go and spend the summer there, but I'm being realistic.
From the 23rd-29th of March I'm going to be with my sister, so I'll be around, just not as much probably. It's also only two weeks until my 19th birthday.
A few other things....recently my stomach has been shit. To the point where I just want to throw up to get it over with. So far, of course, I haven't, but it's always lurking there.
Recently...I've wanted to blow up somehow to relieve the stress. Not very nice of me, I know, but it's true. In part because of this changing process that I'm going through, I've gotten angry at myself for what I've been doing; but mainly what I haven't been doing. I'm not blaming anyone but myself at this point. It's entirely my fault that I turned out the way that I am today, as I made the choices and took the easy route several times instead of sticking it through. Expanding my horizons and doing things that I wasn't comfortable doing. I needed to do that, and I wasn't. Now I am harvesting that crop and trying to reverse the parts of me that I don't like. Some of them are minor, some of them are major. Things like needing to be stronger physically are somewhat minor. Needing to show that I have a backbone, that I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, and becoming stronger mentally and emotionally are major things. I'm not really sure just how strong I am, I've never been tested in those ways. But, by whatever God that I believe in and by the higher power in this universe that I believes exists, I will prepare for those tests that will come, and I will not back down. Whatever is holy in life help me but, I'm stubborn when it comes down to it and hate to admit that I've lost. I don't want to be so needy, and I need to do a lot of things that I don't think that I've told people. No, not my close friends know about some of the things that I'm trying to do, and I'm not sure that I want to let them know.
I will admit that I may have been distant lately. Lost in thought perhaps. There's a good reason for that, some of which I've detailed here. The rest...it's important, but I'm not ready to say it here. If I do, it'll be only a few friends who will be able to see it for a few reasons.
These are the times of change...
Anyways, started at 24 hour fitness today. I'm, miraculously, not as badly out of shape as I thought I was. I don't want to be incredibly unrealistic about how quickly I can grow, but I do hope to get muscle and strength fairly quickly. And, by quickly, I mean that I got three months to get as strong as I want to be before I probably go off to Denver. Key word there is probably. Things could happen before then that would render me unable to go. Of course, I don't want those things to happen because I really want to go and spend the summer there, but I'm being realistic.
From the 23rd-29th of March I'm going to be with my sister, so I'll be around, just not as much probably. It's also only two weeks until my 19th birthday.
A few other things....recently my stomach has been shit. To the point where I just want to throw up to get it over with. So far, of course, I haven't, but it's always lurking there.
Recently...I've wanted to blow up somehow to relieve the stress. Not very nice of me, I know, but it's true. In part because of this changing process that I'm going through, I've gotten angry at myself for what I've been doing; but mainly what I haven't been doing. I'm not blaming anyone but myself at this point. It's entirely my fault that I turned out the way that I am today, as I made the choices and took the easy route several times instead of sticking it through. Expanding my horizons and doing things that I wasn't comfortable doing. I needed to do that, and I wasn't. Now I am harvesting that crop and trying to reverse the parts of me that I don't like. Some of them are minor, some of them are major. Things like needing to be stronger physically are somewhat minor. Needing to show that I have a backbone, that I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, and becoming stronger mentally and emotionally are major things. I'm not really sure just how strong I am, I've never been tested in those ways. But, by whatever God that I believe in and by the higher power in this universe that I believes exists, I will prepare for those tests that will come, and I will not back down. Whatever is holy in life help me but, I'm stubborn when it comes down to it and hate to admit that I've lost. I don't want to be so needy, and I need to do a lot of things that I don't think that I've told people. No, not my close friends know about some of the things that I'm trying to do, and I'm not sure that I want to let them know.
I will admit that I may have been distant lately. Lost in thought perhaps. There's a good reason for that, some of which I've detailed here. The rest...it's important, but I'm not ready to say it here. If I do, it'll be only a few friends who will be able to see it for a few reasons.
These are the times of change...