"It had a hold over me..."
There is...a feeling that I get ever few days, or weeks...and it's very odd. It is more of a mix of things that I will suddenly focus on, and it'll happen very gradually, usually late at night, and before I know it I'll be in a different thought pattern.
The...first thing I could use to describe this is melancholy, but thats not it. I suppose that's a starting point, but it's so much more than that. I become contemplative, contemplative to the point that things suddenly seem distant, as if I'm someone looking down upon everything with no real attachment to them, yet all the attachment that I can handle. I become caring, but not for myself. I care for everyone around me, everyone that is on, or the imaginary people in my life, my muses. I care for the people that I have loved in my past...Gillian is a prime example during this, when I find myself wishing that...I could have a few days, a week, to catch up with her, to regain what I had lost when she moved away. Or when I cut myself off, shoving her into a real life while I retreated.
It's a haze if you will, where emotions are left out of it for the time being. Rather, only the emotions of love and caring are left...I can't actually hate someone in this mood, it's just not possible for me to.
If you want a perfect example, something that highlights what this mood is to me...listen to The Truth Beneath the Rose by Within Temptation. It has that remarkable power of aiding my thoughts perfectly at times like this, when the world somehow seems more...distant.
It's odd, this moment of mental peace. When my mind is not rampaging, when it is calm, thoughts drifting in and out like water. Even my muses, my Archmage included, are restful, lethargy setting in as they try and...be peaceful. Nothing goes on when I'm in this mood...I simply sit. Watching. Waiting. Contemplating. I will talk...but I might not seem myself. I won't ask about myself, I might not laugh when you tell me a joke. Instead I'll be concerned for things that I don't even get, that I might not understand.
Yet...it's just so peaceful....
The...first thing I could use to describe this is melancholy, but thats not it. I suppose that's a starting point, but it's so much more than that. I become contemplative, contemplative to the point that things suddenly seem distant, as if I'm someone looking down upon everything with no real attachment to them, yet all the attachment that I can handle. I become caring, but not for myself. I care for everyone around me, everyone that is on, or the imaginary people in my life, my muses. I care for the people that I have loved in my past...Gillian is a prime example during this, when I find myself wishing that...I could have a few days, a week, to catch up with her, to regain what I had lost when she moved away. Or when I cut myself off, shoving her into a real life while I retreated.
It's a haze if you will, where emotions are left out of it for the time being. Rather, only the emotions of love and caring are left...I can't actually hate someone in this mood, it's just not possible for me to.
If you want a perfect example, something that highlights what this mood is to me...listen to The Truth Beneath the Rose by Within Temptation. It has that remarkable power of aiding my thoughts perfectly at times like this, when the world somehow seems more...distant.
It's odd, this moment of mental peace. When my mind is not rampaging, when it is calm, thoughts drifting in and out like water. Even my muses, my Archmage included, are restful, lethargy setting in as they try and...be peaceful. Nothing goes on when I'm in this mood...I simply sit. Watching. Waiting. Contemplating. I will talk...but I might not seem myself. I won't ask about myself, I might not laugh when you tell me a joke. Instead I'll be concerned for things that I don't even get, that I might not understand.
Yet...it's just so peaceful....